


I'll Catch You When You Fall

by scrappylittlegleek



Category: Supergirl (Comics), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, College, F/F, Fluff, Gymnastics, Kara Danvers - Freeform, Lena Luthor - Freeform, Lena Luthor Gets a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Protective Kara Danvers, Slow Burn, Student Kara Danvers, Student Lena Luthor, SuperCorp, slowburn, supergirl - Freeform, this was supposed to be a oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-09-18 08:12:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 60,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16991286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappylittlegleek/pseuds/scrappylittlegleek
Summary: A college AU where Lena is on UCLA's gymnastics team. Kara is the new student coach who Lena strongly dislikes. But no matter how standoffish or rude Lena is, Kara is always there to catch her when she falls (literally).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is based off of a prompt I saw on tumblr and I was super excited to write it because I was a competitive gymnast myself and I still have so much love for the sport. I talked about a few different skills and I did my best to explain them but I'll define them here just incase.  
> Giants- a skill on the uneven bars, preformed on the high bar where the gymnast rotates 360 degrees around the bar in a handstand position.  
> Double Layout fly away- Two back flips off the high bar in a straight body position.  
> Fly away- one back flip off the high bar with the gymnasts legs tucked into their chest.

 

“Girls, lets go, get your grips on,” Coach Valerie, or Miss. Val as the girls called her, the head coach of the gymnastics team at UCLA called out and clapped her hands. 

Lena groaned and looked down at her hands. They were covered in calluses, rips and blood blisters from hours of bar work and conditioning the day before. Miss Val had refused to let her join the beam rotation until she completed ten bar routines with no falls. Lena was surprised she’d even made it to beam. It had taken her over a half an hour before she’d even made five routines, she even began to wonder if she’d ever get to leave the gym at all. 

Bars was her worst event. On beam, floor and vault she was always in control. She moved her body the way she wanted to. She twisted at exactly the right moment and landed at exactly the right angle with her knees bent exactly the right amount. Straight enough so that she wouldn’t fall backwards, but bent enough so she wouldn’t hyperextend or dislocate her knees. She had gotten it down to a science. But bars was different. The bars controlled her, they told her when to adjust her grip, when to let go, when shift her wrists. Every precise movement, no matter how small was determined by how the bars moved accordingly to her. 

She hated bars more than she hated cardio, which was saying a lot. Even after the phase Miss. Val went through where she made the entire team complete a forty five minute long cardio circuit with no breaks every saturday morning at eight, which was when practice began. As much as Lena hated doing sprints and burpees at the crack of dawn, she hated bars even more. 

She reluctantly sprayed her grips with water before covering her palms and all the way up to her wrists with chalk from the large grey bucket. She got in line behind a few of her teammates to begin their complex at her favorite set of bars. The low bar high enough that she could get good momentum when she jumped to it from the ground, but high enough that she didn’t have to reach too far during her pak salto, a skill in which she quite literally flew face first from the high bar to the low bar. 

Lena hated pak saltos. They were the skill she’d struggled the most with. She still vividly remembered being twelve years old, her coach pulling her aside and asking her if she’d given any thought to repeating level eight. There were ten levels in competitive gymnastics, ten being the highest. Lena had progressed through all of them at an alarmingly fast pace. She’d skipped levels four and five, making her the youngest girl on her level six team. She was used to being the smallest, but she was also used to being the best. When her coach told her she wouldn’t be allowed to move up to level nine without a pak salto, Lena almost burst into tears. She’d spent months terrified of the skill, and still felt her stomach tighten (not just her abdominal muscles) every time she performed the skill. 

She watched her teammates begin their bar warmup and noticed her regular bar coach, Jess, wasn’t standing on the blue spotters block, ready to catch them when they fell. She bit her lip anxiously and adjusted her leotard, a nervous habit she’d picked up over the years. This new coach looked way too young to be coaching a college gymnastics team. She looked as if she were still a student herself. She had her blonde hair pulled into a neat ponytail, while Lena’s was in a messy bun, like most of the girls on her team. She wore a blue and yellow  _ UCLA  _ t-shirt and black rimmed glasses. Lena knew she would end up regretting the glasses soon. Coaches ended up getting kicked in the face at least once a practice, it was inevitable. Gymnasts were incredible people, there was no doubt about that, but they fell more often than they landed on their feet. 

Lena stepped up onto the spring board and rubbed her hands together, chalk flying everywhere. She jumped to the bar, beginning the same complex she’d been warming up with for the past year. She stood up on the low bar, bending over and catching the high bar effortlessly. She casted to handstand and held the position for a moment longer than she normally would. Something was off, cast to handstands were easy, it was something she’d learned in level six, but this was almost  _ too  _ easy. Then it hit her, this new coach, this  _ student _ coach, was spotting her. She was being assisted on a skill she’d been competing since she was ten years old, it was humiliating. 

She piked her legs as she swung in a downward motion. One giant, two giants. She went around the bar in a handstand while maintaining perfect shape. She suddenly felt the need to prove herself, prove to this new coach that she didn’t need her help on such an easy skill. 

She released her grip on the bar, dismounting in a layout flyaway. She didn’t bother to show that she’d stuck the landing, it was a simple routine, she stuck it every time. 

“Uh, Lena, right?”

Lena turned her head. She hadn’t even bothered to take corrections from the coach, simply opting to rush back over to the chalk bucket so she could get there before one of her teammates broke the chalk block. 

She looked up and nodded without making a sound. 

The new coach smiled. “Oh, I’m Kara the new student coach,” she explained. 

“You’re really close to hitting the low bar on your giants, you should straddle your legs, it’ll give you more momentum and it’ll also help you stop flexing your feet,” she said, adding a small smile at the end. 

Lena nodded stiffly and drew in a breath. She knew that Kara’s job was to give feedback, the whole point of having a coach was that they’re corrections made her a better athlete, but something about this girl rubbed her the wrong way. She was a student coach, she was the equivalent of an intern and she looked like a freshmen, which bothered Lena even more. But it wasn’t Kara’s overly perky grin (which Lena’s teammates seemed to love), or the fact that she felt the need to correct Lena’s giants which was possibly one of the easiest skills in her routines that bothered her. It was something else, Lena wasn’t sure what it was, but this Kara girl was driving her absolutely insane, and they weren’t even fifteen minutes into their bar rotation. 

She stepped back up onto the spring board and held her arms up. 

“I’m doing a full routine this time,” she said, the coach just nodded. 

“Okay,” Kara said, smiling once more. “I’ll be here incase you fall.”

Lena grimaced at the statement. She knew Kara only had good intentions, but she didn’t like to think about falling before starting a bar routine, because in her case it was more than likely she would fall at least once during this routine alone. 

The routine started well. She hit all of her handstands and caught all of her major releases. To her relief, Kara didn’t touch her once, but out of her peripheral vision, she could see her arms outstretched, ready to catch her incase anything went wrong. As she neared the end of her routine, Lena began to prepare for her dismount. Two giants into a double layout flyaway. She would let go of the high bar and do two flips in row in a straight body position before her feet touched the ground. She would stick the landing with her arms out in front of her to keep her balance. She would bring her feet together and straighten her legs, raising her arms above her head, a salute to signal she was done with her routine. 

Her first giant was slow, she shifted her wrists late and barely made it all the way around the bar. It was a stupid mistake, it was childish. Her second giant wasn’t much better. She was exhausted from the first half of her routine, she’d given it her all and now she had nothing left. 

“Just a flyaway,” Kara called out before she could let go. 

Lena knew the smart decision was to listen to Kara. If Miss. Val were here, she’d tell her the same thing. Hell, Lena was ready to just do one flyaway because she knew a double would be incredibly risky. She barely had built up the momentum for one flyaway, she was absolutely exhausted from the rest of her routine. But the voice of reason was drowned out by her ‘gymnast voice’. The voice that told her to push through, no matter what. Because if she were in a competition, she wouldn’t be allowed to just give up and do a flyaway. 

So she went for it. It was stupid and she knew it was a mistake as soon as she let go and began to flip. She could see the ground, she was too low. If she went for the second rotation she wouldn’t make it all the way around. She would land dangerously on her ankles and fall flat onto her stomach.

But by some miracle, Kara caught her. Her face was inches away from the blue mat, Kara’s arms wrapped around her stomach and waist. She released a breath as she realized she was okay. Kara set her down on the mat and gave Lena a hard look. A small crease appearing between her eyes, which Lena almost found comical, but she knew better than to laugh. She would have broken both of her ankles if Kara hadn’t caught her. She  _ should _ have broken an ankle, she went for the double when she knew it was stupid, she knew it would have resulted badly but she went for it anyways. 

Kara sighed and shook her head. “Twenty leg lifts,” she said sharply. 

“But I--”

She stood up, leaving Lena on the mat. “Twenty leg lifts,” Kara repeated.

Lena stood up and adjusted her leotard. 

“I want you to stop at horizontal each time on your way down.”

Lena didn’t even bother to argue, she knew it was pointless. So she reluctantly trudged up to the wooden ladder which was nailed against the wall and climbed to the top bar. She completed her twenty leg lifts, stopping her legs at horizontal each time in one set, not even taking a second to breathe. The rest of practice she was almost completely silent. The other girls noticed, but they knew not to say anything. When Lena got like this, it was best to leave her alone. It hardly ever happened, but when it did they knew to give her her space. She would have her moment, sometimes it would last for five minutes, sometimes she would silently fume the rest of practice, which didn’t end for another two hours. Miss. Val would occasionally call her out, but only if her mood was affecting the other gymnasts, though that was rare. 

However, Kara knew nothing about Lena. Which is why she decided to ask her to stay after practice so they could talk. 

“Lena, can you come here for a minute?” Kara asked. 

The other girls made their way out of the gym and either went back to their dorms or the on campus rehab center, where they iced their aching muscles or had physical therapy sessions after practice. 

“I have PT,” Lena said and turned around, gesturing to the blue KT tape on her left shoulder. 

“This’ll be quick, I promise,” Kara said. 

Lena sighed. “Okay,” she said reluctantly. 

“How old were you when you started gymnastics?” Kara asked and tilted her head. 

“I don’t get wha--”

“How old were you?” She cut Lena off. 

Lena exhaled. “I was four,” she said quietly. 

It was a few weeks after she’d been adopted. Her new parents, Lillian and Lionel Luthor didn’t appreciate the fact that she still carried the remainder of her baby fat. They put her in classes and she dropped the weight within weeks. All of her coaches insisted she was gifted. They asked the Luthor’s if she’d be interested in trying out for pre-team, or if she’d ever considered TOPs (Talent Opportunity Program) testing, a program most aspiring Olympians take part in from the ages of seven to ten. But they rejected the idea. The Luthor’s were intelligent people, they were known for their incredible scientific discoveries and cunning business approaches. And of course their crimes, but Lena prefered not to dwell on that. It was only when they realized that the competitive program at Lena’s gym required twelve hours of practice minimum a week. When Lillian realized that if Lena began competing at the age of five, she would need to put up with her even less. It was her way of avoiding any interaction with her daughter at all, and Lena appreciated this. Gymnastics was her escape. It was where she fit in. She was a pariah in school, first because she was rich, then because of all of the horrendous acts her family committed. But it was different in the gym. Even though she was younger, her teammates were her best friends. They were the big sisters she didn’t have. 

“Why did you start?” Kara asked. 

Lena shrugged, she could never admit the real answer. It was too humiliating, and Kara had no right to know any of that anyways. 

“My parents wanted me to get out of the house, do something physically demanding for once,” she said, it wasn’t a complete lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth either. 

Kara nodded. “But you choose to keep going. You didn’t have to join this team or even go to this school. I’ve heard a lot about you and I know you got into MIT and Stanford. You made the choice to do gymnastics at  _ this _ school,” she said. 

Lena wasn’t really sure where she was going with any of this, but she didn’t like that Kara seemed to know so much about her. 

“You’re a really talented athlete Lena,” Kara said sincerely. 

“Thank you,” Lena said, folding her arms over her chest protectively. She suddenly felt very exposed, standing there in just her leotard. 

“But you need to realize just because you’re talented doesn’t mean you can get away with how you were acting today,” she added. “What you did on bars was incredibly stupid. If I hadn’t caught you, you would’ve broken an ankle, and that’s if you’re lucky,” she said sternly. 

Lena sighed and avoided Kara’s gaze. 

“And I know you were mad at yourself or at me or whatever, but you need to get rid of the attitude. You and all those other girls are a  _ team _ , you can’t treat them, or me, like you did today,” she finished, struggling to maintain her composure by the end. 

“You are such a great gymnast,” Kara said and tilted her head. Her voice was genuine, Lena wasn’t sure why, but she seemed like she really did care. “And you know you are, and that’s really a good thing because most girls underestimate their own talent.” 

“I would never underestimate myself,” Lena said, raising an eyebrow. 

“I know,” Kara said with a small nod.

“But next time you fall, I might not be able to catch you, so please, be careful,” she added with a smile.

Lena nodded and smiled in return. 

“I was actually going to this coffee shop off campus called Noonans, would you want to come with me? We could talk and get to know each other better,” Kara suggested, and Lena was reminded of the fact that Kara was just a student and probably younger than she was.

She completely forgot about her physical therapy appointment, even though her shoulder was still in immense pain. It was something about Kara that did that to her, she still wasn’t sure what it was, but it was something. 

“Yeah, that would be great.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena finds herself warming up to Kara as she finds out more about her. She offers to help Kara regain some of her old skills and they end up spending hours together. Crappy summary not a crappy chapter (I hope).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated. :)

When Kara and Lena arrived at Noonan’s, they sat down next to the windows, the sun seeped in shining down on them. It made Kara’s hair glow with golden specks, something that made Lena’s stomach do an unexplainable back flip. Kara looked incredibly effortlessly elegant. Lena almost felt ashamed of the oversized hoodie she’d thrown on over her leotard, her nike pro leggings and black slides. Her hair was still up in a messy bun and she was pretty sure there was chalk in it now. 

She wasn’t sure why, but she suddenly felt the need to impress Kara. She wasn’t sure what it was about this girl, but she made her need to prove herself. 

Kara ordered a mocha latte with extra whipped cream, while Lena opted for a black coffee with no sugar. Competition season was soon approaching, she had to be in best shape possible. 

“So, you’re a sophomore right?” Kara asked.

Lena nodded. “And you’re a freshman,” she said, but didn’t phrase it as a question. 

“Yeah.”

“You’re a student coach,” Lena continued, stating the obvious. 

Kara nodded with a smile. 

“How come?”

Kara shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve always really loved gymnastics. I competed in high school, I made it to States and Regionals few times. I mean that isn’t very impressive but at the time it meant the world to me, ” she explained. 

Lena tilted her head. “Why’d you quit?”

Kara sighed. “My foster parents couldn’t afford it. They tried but it was just too expensive. And I mean even if they could, I was never that good. I was probably the worst girl on my team,” she said with a small chuckle. “I wasn’t naturally talented, I mean I had hard skills but I had to work twice as hard to get things that seemed easy to everybody else. I would’ve loved to continue but I would’ve never gotten a scholarship, I never could’ve made a career out of it like you’re doing.” 

Lena sighed. She understood where Kara was coming from. She was currently struggling with her new vault and while all of her teammates were finding it easy, she just couldn’t do it. She was working twice as hard, she’d started taking crossfit on the weekends and was doing extra running drills despite hating cardio just so she could get the skill that only she was missing. It was beginning to feel hopeless, but she had to remind herself that when she eventually did it, it would be just that much more rewarding. 

Then she remembered the first part of Kara’s statement. She’d said foster parents, not parents. 

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but, you said foster parents, not parents,” Lena said tentatively, she was hesitant to even mention it at all. 

Kara nodded with a soft smile. “Don’t worry about it. My parents died when I was thirteen, I’ve lived with a foster family ever since.”

Lena sighed. “Oh, I’m really sorry about that. That must’ve been really hard for you,” she said softly, internally debating whether or not she should tell Kara she understood how hard it was. She wanted to offer her support but she knew Kara wouldn’t ever know how deeply Lena understood unless she told her about the Luthor’s. 

“You don’t need to be sorry, my foster parents and sister are incredible and I’m so lucky to have found them. I miss my parents but I love my foster family so much,” Kara said. 

Lena smiled. “That’s good,” she began. Before she could stop herself, she ended up telling Kara everything. She lost whatever control she’d ever had over her words. They seemed to spill out of her as if they had minds of their own. 

“I was adopted,” she blurted out. 

“Oh,” Kara whispered. 

There was no turning back now. “My mom drowned when I was four. I was there, I- I watched it happen.”

“Oh, Lena I’m so sorry,” Kara said softly. 

Lena shook her head sadly. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“After that I was taken to this new family. They-- it doesn’t matter,” she stopped herself. She wasn’t going to allow herself to tell Kara a sob story about her childhood. College was her escape, she didn’t tell anybody about her past. Everyone was aware of her last name being Luthor, but she never mentioned her family. Sure, people had their suspicions but for the first time Lena was finally starting to feel free. She had been bullied all throughout high school because of her last name, she wouldn't jeopardize her chances of happiness at UCLA by rambling to Kara, who wasn’t even her friend.

“Anyways,” she said and took a deep breath, ready to change the subject. “Do you do any gymnastics at all now? Like adult classes or anything like that?”

Kara simply shook her head. 

“Oh, well have you thought about taking it up again?”

Kara shrugged. “I would love to, but I wasn’t the most talented even when I was training twelve hours a week, I’m sure I’d totally suck now,” she admitted.

“Well, if you love it you should do it. You don’t have to compete or anything, but I’m sure Miss. Val wouldn’t mind you working out in the gym while we aren’t using it. Do the sport you love, it doesn’t matter how good you are or how many gold medals you win, you do it for you,” Lena encouraged with a smile. 

Kara shrugged. “I’ve probably lost all my skills by now,” she admitted. 

“I can help you get them back,” she said excitedly. 

Kara blushed and looked down at her lap. She smiled to herself before looking back up at Lena. “I’d really like that.”

Lena smiled back. “Any time.” 

They met the next Sunday at six in the afternoon. It was getting dark out and the gym was completely empty. The air was cold and though neither of them said anything, the gym faintly smelled of feet. Kara turned on all the lights before looking around the gym for Lena, who she found stretching in the middle of the Olympic sized floor. She was sitting casually in her left leg split, oblivious to Kara’s presence. She leaned forward so that her elbows touched the floor and her nose was almost touching her knee. But she didn’t let her face fall, she watched the empty gym, finding comfort in it’s silence. 

“Hey,” Kara called out and jogged over to her. She noticed how pronounced Lena’s shoulder muscles were as her blue tank exposed them almost completely. 

“Hey,” Lena looked up and smiled at her. “Ms. Val normally makes us start with conditioning but I’m really sore so we can skip that today.”

Kara breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh thank God,” she said with a light chuckle. 

Kara sat down and extended her legs into a pike. She leaned forward so she touched her toes her and rested her elbows on the ground. 

“What did you want to work on?” Lena asked. 

Kara shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess my tumbling maybe. I was never the best at it but it was really fun,” she admitted. 

“Don’t discredit yourself, the majority of people I know can’t even do a cartwheel,” Lena said with a soft laugh. 

When they finished stretching and running a few laps around the floor to get warmed up, they stood in the upper left hand corner of the floor. 

“Do you want me to go first?” Lena asked. 

Kara nodded, suddenly overcome with shyness. Lena was incredibly talented, that was a given. But she wasn’t sure what she could do anymore. She didn’t want to make a fool out of herself. Lena was just starting to respect her, as a friend and coach. She didn’t need Lena to suddenly start ignoring her and not applying her corrections during practice because she felt like Kara was an easy person to manipulate. She didn’t want to make herself too vulnerable, and for her showing she was no longer good at something was vulnerability. 

“Okay, I’m just going to do a few warm up passes first,” Lena said before turning around. 

She let out a deep breath and shrugged her shoulder before running, hurdling then doing a roundoff back handspring with an impressively high rebound. Kara knew Lena was watering down her tumbling for her sake. When she warmed up at practice she normally started with a roundoff back handspring back tuck, then a roundoff back handspring back layout. 

When she finished her pass, she walked to the lower left hand corner and tightened her ponytail. 

“Okay, you go now,” she said with a smile. 

Kara took a deep breath and shook out her hands. She hadn’t tumbled in about a year, and though it was mostly muscle memory, it was still scary to think about flipping backwards for the first time in God knows how long. 

She went for the round off, a rudimentary skill, but bailed before she could connect it to the backhandspring. She opted for running backwards out of the skill instead. She walked the rest of the distance to Lena’s corner and smiled awkwardly. 

“I’ll go for it next time,” she said unconvincingly. 

“Do you want me to stand there?” Lena asked. 

Whenever she was too scared to do a skill, she made Miss. Val stand next to her. She didn’t need Miss. Val to actually do anything or help her, but her presence was comforting because she knew she was there just incase. 

“No, I think I’ve got it,” Kara said with a small smile. “But thank you.”

“Okay,” Lena said before turning around. “Should I throw my full?” She asked and looked back at Kara. 

A layout full which was simply put, a backflip with a full twist, was a skill Lena had had since she was a level six. However, it probably wasn’t the smartest idea to do her full without warming up a layout first. 

“Please don’t hurt yourself,” Kara said nervously. 

“I’ll be fine,” Lena said with a dangerous smile. 

She turned back and tumbled, Kara cringed as she landed low and clenched her teeth when she saw Lena stumble backwards. But she landed on her feet and brought her arms up in salute dramatically. 

“Made it!” She called out happily. 

Kara just shook her head let out a laugh. 

They continued to tumble for some time. Kara worked her way up to a round off two back handsprings, then eventually a round off back handspring back tuck and a front handspring front tuck. Lena opted to not do her competitive tumbling and chose to stay on the relatively easier side of things (easy for her, not most others) and stick to front and back layouts and back fulls. 

After a few hours, they were both exhausted and ready to go home. They made their way to the locker room, where they changed back into their regular clothing and talked amongst themselves. 

“I have an eight am class tomorrow,” Kara groaned and threw her head back. “And I haven’t finished the reading that I was supposed to finish yesterday.”

Lena chuckled as she took off her tank top, leaving her and just a nike pro sports bra and shorts. Kara had to scold herself when she realized she was staring at Lena’s toned stomach and forced herself to stare at a spot on the wall to distract herself. 

“Why are you taking an eight am class?” She asked with a laugh. 

She opened her locker and began to sort through her belongings. Normally she cleaned it out and organized it at least once a week, but she’d been busy with training and exams and had been slacking on her cleaning. Her locker was now just as messy as the ones that belonged to the others on her team, which meant it was nearly impossible to find anything. 

“Because I took eight am classes in high school every day, I thought I’d be able to handle it,” she said with a shrug. 

Lena laughed once more. “Freshman mistake.”

“Hey, you’re only a sophomore,” Kara pointed out. 

Lena smirked and turned back to her locker. “Fuck,” she mumbled. 

“What?”

“I forgot to bring a change of clothes,” she admitted bashfully. 

“Here, I always keep extras just incase,” Kara said and pulled out a hoodie and sweatpants from her gym bag. 

She handed them to Lena, how smiled gratefully in return. “Thank you.”

For a split second, their hands touched and their eyes met. Lena drew in a breath and her chest tightened. She saw Kara’s eyes glisten as they widened ever so slightly. But the moment was over when Kara pulled her hand away, and smiled awkwardly. Lena returned it and thanked her once more, secretly missing the feeling of Kara’s touch, though she wasn’t quite sure why. Kara was  _ Kara _ , there was no reason for her to be feeling this way about her. 

“I uh- I should go, I have class tomorrow and I- I need to study,” Kara blurted out as she snatched her hand away from Lena’s. 

Lena just nodded stiffly. She quickly pulled Kara’s hoodie over her head, suddenly feeling exposed and naked in front of the other woman. She wasn’t sure why Kara’s face had fallen or why she seemed like she just couldn’t get away from Lena. She was starting to warm up to Kara, she didn’t understand why Kara didn’t want to warm up to her. 

“Oh, okay I- I’ll see you at practice tomorrow?” She asked hesitantly. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I hope you guys like this chapter, I'm still not quite sure how I feel about it but it's better than nothing I guess. I'm considering writing a third chapter but if I don't this is the end.   
> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara confides in Alex about Lena. She notices Lena is in obvious pain during practice, but refuses to do anything about it. No matter what Kara does to help, Lena continues to push her away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I was intending on making this a two chapter fic but a lot of people were asking me to extend it so I'm doing my best to turn it into a real multi chap fic. I would like to say thank you so much for all of the support on this and thank you to everybody who's commented and asked me to write more because it honestly means so much. I used to be a competitive gymnast and I miss the sport everyday so being able to write about it is really bittersweet for me. I was hesitant before posting this fic because I wasn't sure if anyone would actually read a fic about gymnastics but I'm so glad you guys are enjoying it so far!  
> Also I included a few gymnastics skill names that seemed pretty self explanatory but incase they aren't  
> press handstand- the gymnast sits in a straddle then brings their legs above their head into a handstand  
> standing back tuck- a backflip without hands from standing

Kara sat down on the floor in her dorm with this year's competition schedule laid out in front of her. UCLA had their first meet in a little under a month, which meant they were putting on their annual mock meet/showcase for the rest of the students in a week. They would perform all of their routines and get scores, but they wouldn’t win any medals and the scores wouldn’t count for anything. It was just for fun so that the rest of the school could see would see what they could do. 

The girls were all extra stressed about this meet. Though there were no scores, it was the most nerve racking as they would be performing in front of their peers. However they did was how they would be viewed on campus for the rest of the year. They had all been putting in their best efforts and working extra hard. Every one of them rising to the occasion. However, Lena was pushing herself even further than everybody else. She was always the first to arrive to practice and the last to leave. She’d started coming in on Sunday’s and working by herself without a coach just to get the extra hours in, even though Sunday was supposed to be her recovery day. Kara had even heard from a few of the other girls that she’d started skipping physical therapy so she could go to crossfit and dance lessons to improve elements besides the fundamental skills. Kara had also noticed Lena’s shoulder bothering her more and more, but everytime she asked Lena if she was okay, she insisted that nothing was wrong. Kara wanted to call her out, but she was only a student coach and ultimately Lena didn’t have to listen to her. She also knew Lena was the strongest member of the team. All of the girls were insanely talented, but Lena won almost every competition. Even if she did tell Miss. Val what was going on, she would probably let it slide for the sake of the team. 

So instead of telling the head coach like she should’ve, she ranted about it to her sister Alex on the phone. 

“But if she’s putting in the work, what’s the problem?” Alex asked. 

“The problem is she’s going to hurt herself. She already has to KT tape her shoulder and I can tell it’s bugging her during practice, she’s just going to make it worse,” Kara explained. 

“Well if she gets hurt it’s her fault then,” Alex stated apathetically. 

Kara threw her head back and groaned dramatically. “That’s not the point Alex!” She exclaimed. 

“Then what is the point?”

Kara sighed. “I don’t know,” she mumbled. “I’ve been watching some of her competition videos from last year and she’s just so amazing. It would be so stupid for her to just throw it all away.”

“Then talk to her,” Alex prompted. “If she’s talented don’t let her burn out.”

Kara pulled her laptop back onto her lap and closed out the YouTube’s tab which were littered with videos of Lena from last year. She was now feeling like she’d invaded Lena’s privacy by watching them, even though they had gotten hundreds of thousands of views from other gymnasts and fans of the sport. Though while she’d been watching them, all she could think about was how amazing Lena was. She was without a doubt the best girl on her team, and now that Kara was showing up to more and more practices she realized it was because Lena was working twice as hard. Lena deserved every gold medal she got, she just needed to stop pushing herself so hard. She was going to reach her breaking point soon, Kara could feel it. 

“I can’t,” she said quietly. “I can’t talk to her.” 

“Why not? Technically you’re one of her coaches,” Alex said. 

“Yeah, but she doesn’t listen to me,” Kara began. “I don’t get it. She was really great for a few days, she would actually respond to me when I talked to her,” she said with a humorless chuckle. “Now she applies the corrections but she… ugh she just has such a bad attitude. She rolls her eyes when she thinks I’m not looking and she always just looks like sh- she… I don’t know she just looks grumpy. She literally only talks to the other girls and Miss. Val. So basically everybody  _ but _ me. And I mean I’m not offended or anything because I’m not here to be her friend, I’m here to learn how to be a coach but none of the other girls are this disrespectful. And the worst part is she’s so nice to literally everybody except for me and I just don’t get it,” she rambled. 

“I know you don’t want to hear this but it sounds like she’s just a real bitch. If she’s treating you like this you need to consider the possibility that there’s nothing you can do to get her to change,” Alex said apologetically. 

“Hell yeah she sounds like a bitch!” A voice called out in the background. 

Kara smiled and shook her head. “Tell Maggie I said hi,” she said with a small laugh. 

“But anyways, I don’t want to give up on her,” she said with a sigh. “When we first met you hated me. Not even when we first met but for months. And even when we did start to warm up to each other we fought all the time. If we hadn’t tried to get closer and we hadn’t fought to become sisters we might still hate each other today, I don’t want to spend the next three years having Lena hating me.”

“It was different with us though,” Alex said softly, hoping she wouldn’t upset Kara. “We had to start liking each other at some point or mom would’ve killed both of us. You’re an amazing person Kara, but Lena might not come around like I did.”

Kara groaned and leaned against her bed. She closed her laptop and put it on the floor, seemingly defeated. “Why are you such a downer?”

“I’m not a downer, I’m a realist,” Alex argued. 

Though Kara didn’t want to accept Lena’s rude and standoffish behavior, especially since they had been friends, (even if only for a day) she knew she might have to. So when she arrived at practice, she told herself not to be too disappointed if Lena didn't act friendly towards her. As long as Lena was applying the corrections she was given and doing the work, there wasn’t a problem. It wasn’t her job to be Lena’s friend, her job as a student coach was to get the experience coaching a real gymnastics team and learn from it. She was there to learn, not to make friends. She told herself not to get her hopes up, and just coach like she was supposed to. 

When she arrived at Monday’s afternoon practice, the team was in the middle of a full body conditioning circuit involving all four events. The girls were divided into four groups of four, Lena’s group was beam doing press handstands from a straddle hold. They were supposed to be completing two sets of ten, which was admittedly hard but manageable for such an advanced team. Kara was supposed to be monitoring the beam station, as they had a coach assigned to the three other events. She didn’t need to spot anyone, just make sure none of the girls were slacking off or cheating. 

She found herself getting bored rather quickly, the girls did this circuit at least once a week so it was nothing she hadn’t seen before. She began to stare into space, forgetting she was supposed to even be watching. It wasn’t until she saw Lena tip over out of the corner of her eye that she remembered what she was supposed to be doing. She watched as Lena took one arm off the beam and pirouetted so that she didn’t fall forwards and was able to land on her feet, but Kara noticed she winced at the motion. 

“You okay, Lena?” She asked. 

Lena nodded and bit her bottom lip, Kara didn’t have to be a genius to tell she was in pain. She made a circular motion with her shoulder before taking a deep breath and jumping back up onto the beam. 

As she held the straddle position before pressing back up into a handstand, she pursed her lips and her face paled. But she pushed through and made it up to a handstand then slowly pressed back down to a straddle. 

“I finished both sets,” she said and hopped off the beam. 

Kara nodded. “Okay, Miss. Val will call rotate in a minute so just wait.”

Lena nodded stiffly in response and rotated her shoulder once more. 

“Is your shoulder okay?” Kara asked, the concern evident in her voice. 

“It’s fine,” Lena replied and drew in a breath. “I just didn’t have time to heat it before practice started, but I’m okay.” She said unconvincingly. 

“Okay girls, lets rotate,” Miss. Val called out and Lena made her way over to floor. 

There were four stations floor, on the first the girls pushed a spotters block down and back the strip, on the second they did laps of frog jumps with ankle weights, on the third laps of handstand walks, and on the fourth they did standing back tucks. Lena started on standing back tucks, Kara assumed because she wouldn’t have to use her arms. Though she was trying to watch the girls on beam, her eyes were drawn to Lena. She couldn’t help but worry, and the worry only increased when she saw Lena cringe in pain every time she swung her arms backwards to prepare for the skill. She knew she probably should’ve alerted Miss. Val or told Lena to sit out, but Lena would’ve just insisted she was fine and continue to practice. 

When practice was over, Kara approached Lena on her way to the girls locker room. 

“Lena, is your shoulder okay?” She asked. 

Lena sighed. “I’m fine.”

Kara tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. 

“I mean it hurts I guess but it’s manageable,” she said and tightened her ponytail, which she soon realized was a mistake as the motion sent a sharp pain down her arm that started at the top of her shoulder blade and ended at her pinky. She didn’t let Kara see how badly it hurt, but she knew something was wrong. 

“You should really get it checked out,” Kara said softly. 

“I swear I’m fine,” Lena insisted, though she knew she wasn’t. “The mock meets on Saturday, I can push through until then.” 

“Lena you--”

“I’m fine,” she said sharply. “Listen I get you’re trying to help but you’re not my coach, so stop trying to push me around like this.” 

Kara felt tears well up in her eyes at Lena’s sudden outburst. She willed herself not to cry as she internally scolded herself for letting herself get involved when she’d told herself she would stay out of it. If she had just accepted that there was nothing she could do to get Lena to start respecting her as either a coach or friend, then she wouldn’t be in this situation now. 

“I’ll go to the doctor if I need to go to the doctor, but I’m fine. And it’s  _ my _ job to win when the season starts. It’s  _ my _ responsibility to uphold our team's reputation.”

Kara drew in a breath and held it, she refused to show Lena how much her words hurt. She was just there to coach, they weren't’ supposed to be friends. She had to keep reminding herself of this, but it didn’t get rid of the fact that she desperately wanted Lena to like her. She wanted to be her friend like she was with the other girls. Lena was in pain and she wouldn’t let anyone help. Why wouldn’t she just let Kara help?

“I don’t need you to babysit me or constantly ask me if I’m okay, I can take care of myself. So please,” her face softened, “just stop trying to help me.”

With that, Lena turned on her heel and walked away to the girls locker room. Kara stood dumbfounded, the tears finally starting to spill. Luckily, nobody was there to see it. She closed her eyes and repeated her thoughts to herself over and over again.

_ I just want to help. Why won’t she let me help?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated!  
> Also I'm sorry this chapter was so short, it was also almost completely unrevised so I'll try to better with the next one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena rants to Sam about Kara and how annoying she finds her. At practice, Lena continues to push herself which results in Kara making her sit out. Lena finally starts listening to Kara, even if she still rolls her eyes and acts very immaturely around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so not gonna lie I gave up on revising this like halfway through so if you caught any grammatical errors I'm very sorry. Also I included some more gymnastics skills so incase I did a bad job explaining them-  
> Yurchenko- A skill on vault where the gymnast does a round off onto the spring board then rebounds into a back handspring on the vault table. Then before their feet hit the ground they do a flip depending on their skill level. Normally it's a back tuck, back layout or back tuck or layout full twist.   
> Tsukahara- The gymnast hits the springboard and rotates halfway before their hands hit the vault table. (Pretty much a round off over but their feet stay together the entire time) Then they do a flip depending on their skill level before their feet hit the ground, like with a yurchenko.

“She’s just so… ugh!” Lean groaned as she paced back and forth around the living room of her apartment. 

“Well I mean, from what you’ve told me she seems nice,” Sam, her former teammate and roommate responded cautiously, hoping Lena wouldn’t blow up at her too. 

She sat on the couch and listened Lena rant about her new coach, which she’d been doing for the past fifteen minutes. 

She had been on Lena’s gymnastics team when they were fourteen, and though Lena was competing level ten and she was competing level seven they were best friends. It didn’t matter that they were on different levels or training different skills, there had never been any jealousy between the two and they always supported each other. No matter what. Even when Sam was forced to quit because she’d gotten pregnant at sixteen, Lena had stood by her side. She’d even yelled at a few of her teammates for making fun of Sam and spreading rumors about her. They would do anything for eachother, in Sam’s case it was listening to Lena’s (very) frequent rants about her new coach. 

“Yeah but why’s she so freaking happy all the time anyways?” Lena said and dramatically gestured with her hands, completely ignoring Sam’s statement. 

Sam shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe she’s just a happy person,” she suggested. 

“Yeah, but she’s like  _ too _ happy,” Lena said, turning to face Sam and playfully glaring at her. 

“And she keeps bugging me about my shoulder,” she continued. 

Lena scowled at the thought of Kara’s persistence.  _ “You should get it checked out, you’re going to hurt yourself,”  _ she said, mimicking Kara’s voice. “I’m fine, my shoulder is fine and she needs to stop freaking out about it. It’s nothing,” she complained. 

“You did say you were in pain though,” Sam pointed out. 

“That’s not the point,” Lena dismissed her. “She’s not even a real coach anyways. Who does she think she is, telling me I should see a doctor?” 

Sam sighed. “Lena would it really be such a bad idea for you to get it checked out?” She asked, hoping Lena would actually take her advice. 

This wasn’t the first time Lena had gotten injured from overworking herself. She often times pushed herself past her breaking point, and it normally ended up with her in the hospital because she was in so much pain she could hardly walk. 

“I don’t need to see a doctor!” Lena exclaimed, her stubbornness was almost childlike, it was something Sam saw in her three year old daughter Ruby every day. 

“Why don’t you just give her a chance?” Sam asked. From what she’d heard Kara seemed like a very nice girl, even if that was what was driving Lena so insane. 

Lena dramatically flopped down on the couch besides Sam. “Ow,” she winced at the impact as her shoulder collided with one of the pillows. 

She adjusted her posture and rotated her shoulder, hoping it would make the pain go away like it used to. But she was long past that point. Over the past few weeks it had spread from the tip of her shoulder blade, then to her elbow and now to her fingertips. Her entire arm was now covered in the aching feeling that radiated down from her shoulder. 

“Lena, seriously, see a doctor,” Sam said kindly yet sternly. 

Lena shook her head. “I have a meet on Saturday.”

Sam sighed. “It’s not even a real meet. You need to take it easy.”

Lena shook her head again. “Nope. When the seasons over then I can take it easy. I won NCAA Nationals last year, I can’t just take a break because my shoulder hurts a little bit.”

Sam drew in a breath. The fact that Lena had admitted she was in any pain at all meant it was bad. She probably shouldn't be weight bearing at all at this point. Lena’s pain tolerance was dangerously high, to the point where she’d broken her ankle at a competition during her floor routine when she was a level seven, but instead of hopping off the floor like she should’ve, she finished the routine. When she saluted the judges there were tears streaming down her face and she had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance. The entire time on the way there she apologized over and over to her mom for disappointing her, and for falling, which costed her a five tenth deduction. Lena hadn’t admitted she was in any pain then, so if she was admitting it now it meant it was bad. Really bad. 

“That’s not the point though. The point is- wait,” Lena’s eyes widened. “Fuck,” she mumbled. 

“Fuck, what time is it?” She asked. 

“10:05, why?” Sam asked as she checked her phone. 

“Fuck,” Lena exclaimed loudly. 

“Okay I get you’re mad but need I remind you there is a child in this house,” Sam said, only half joking. 

“I’m late for practice,” she groaned and ran to her bedroom. 

When she returned to the living room, her leotard was pulled up halfway, exposing her black sports bra. She didn’t have any pants on on top of her leotard, but despite this she had her sneakers on. 

“Can you drive me?” She asked and scrunched up her eyebrows nervously. She’d never been late to practice before, she was normally at least twenty minutes early. Growing up, Lena had been taught fifteen minutes early and on time was fifteen minutes late. 

“Lena you still have like twenty minutes before practice starts,” Sam said, though she knew it wouldn’t calm her friend down in the slightest. 

“Yeah and it’s a fifteen minute drive from here to the gym,” she said as she put her hair up into a messy bun. She grabbed her gym bag from off the kitchen table and looked around the apartment to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything. “Okay, I think I’m good. Let’s go.”

Sam chuckled and shook her head. “Lena, you’re half naked.”

Lena looked down at herself and hastily pulled up her leotard. “I have extra pants in my locker, I’ll wear them on the way back.” 

Sam smiled and sighed, it wasn’t the first time she’d driven Lena to the gym in just her leotard. She was probably lucky she’d even gotten her to put shoes on. “Okay then.” She said and accepted her defeat. “Ruby, go get your shoes on it’s time to go,” she called out. 

Practice started off normal. They went through their thirty minute warm up then made their way over to their first of four forty five minute rotations. Lena’s group started on vault. As they warmed up yurchenkos and tsukaharas, Kara stood on the sidelines just watching. Miss. Val told her her job was to score each vault, so they’ll have a sense of what to expect during the actual season. She divided the girls into two teams into two teams, so they would ‘compete’ against each other, even though it was just a practice. Kara didn’t like the idea of pitting them against each other, especially because they seemed like such a tight knit group of girls and already had to compete against each other during real meets. But she knew she’d only get in trouble if she spoke up, so she sat on one of the spotters blocks and scored the team members. 

They were given a five minute warm up, as there were five girls in Lena’s group then two ‘competitive’ vaults like they would at a real meet. Once they finished, they would go back to working the event like they would at a normal practice. 

Lena saluted Kara, who was the closest thing they had to a judge then stepped onto her mark on the vault runway. She raised her arms up in salute once more before running and going for her yurchenko full. She started off well, she did her roundoff which started on the runway and placed her feet on the springboard. Then with the momentum from her rebound and the springboard combined, she did a back handspring up onto the vault table, which was almost as tall as Lena was. Before her feet hit the landing mat, she was supposed to keep going up out of her back handspring and do a layout full twist before she even touched the ground. 

Lena went up out of her back handspring like she was supposed too, but instead of doing her full she fell sto her feet and rolled backwards so that she landed flat on her back with her legs upwards in a tucked position. Kara had to stop herself from running over to her and carrying her away so that she could sit down and rest. But she knew Lena had done the right thing. Lena had given out and prevented injuring herself by opting to do what they called a timer, which is when they did the yurchenko without the actual flip. 

She stood up and saluted Kara. Her lips were pursed and her eyebrows furrowed, there were tears in her eyes. But it didn’t look like she was in pain, she just looked like she was mad at herself. 

Kara didn’t even bother to sore her. It wasn’t worth it, Lena would only be upset when she saw anything less than a 9.5 out of 10. She jogged back to the end of the runway and saluted for her second vault. Kara expected her to actually do the skill this time, but she gave out just like last time. 

When she got up and saluted, she only appeared to be more upset with herself. 

“Lena, can you come here for a second?” Kara called out. 

Lena visibly sighed in annoyance before walking over to Kara. Before Kara could say anything, Lena began to speak.

“I know, I fell and I promise it won’t happen again I- I don’t know what happened, I swear I- I can do better,” she said, she almost seemed scared. 

Kara shook her head. “That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“If it’s about my shoulder, I’m fine, really,” she insisted. 

“Can you turn around for me?” Kara asked. 

Lena reluctantly turned around and rolled her eyes once she thought Kara couldn’t see. Kara inched closer to her and pressed on the top of her shoulder blade. 

Lena hissed in pain and Kara pulled her fingers away quickly. 

“Where does that hurt?” She asked and Lena turned back around. 

Lena shrugged. 

“Can you feel it in your elbow?” She asked and Lena nodded hesitantly. “What about your pinky?” 

She avoided Kara’s gaze and nodded once more. Kara would’ve found her stubbornness if Lena clearly weren’t injured. 

“Okay,” she said calmly. “I’m going to get you an ice pack and you’re going to sit out for ten minutes. If it doesn’t feel better by then I’m telling Miss. Val,” she said, both Kara and Lena were taken by surprise at Kara’s newfound confidence. 

Lena sighed. “Alright then.” 

Kara was honestly a little bit shocked that Lena had agreed to sitting out, even if only for a few minutes. Lena took her seat against the wall with an ice pack pressed to her shoulder and watched her teammates. At one point Kara caught her sitting in her middle split so she could feel like she was at least doing something. She wanted to tell Lena she needed to actually be resting, but she knew she had to pick her battles, and getting Lena to sit out at all was win. Though she was supposed to be watching practice, Kara couldn’t take her eyes off of Lena. It was something about her. Something she just couldn’t figure out. But that feeling was there, and it was strong. And it wasn’t going to just go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter! I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible so the mock meet and practice style and dividing the team into groups during practice is all stuff my team does.   
> Comments and feedback is greatly appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena lets Kara take her to the doctor and they start to talk like friends. Kara thinks Lena is finally starting to warm up to her, until Lena receives bad news and retreats back into herself once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day! Not Gonna lie I'm kind of proud of myself for writing five chapters in three days. I hope you guys like chapter five, because personally it's one of my favorites.

When the ten minutes were up, Kara made her way over to Lena, who was still sitting in her split. 

“Hey, how do you feel?” She asked, and Lena stood back up. 

“I’m fine, can I go back to vault now?” She asked. 

She brushed off her thighs and looked up at Kara with eager eyes. There was no doubt about it, she was dedicated, but she needed to learn when to stop. 

Kara raised an eyebrow. “You should still tell Miss. Val,” she said, even though she knew Lena would reject the idea. 

“I don’t need to, I’m fine. If I tell her she’s just going to make me sit out again,” she replied. 

“Maybe that’s not such a terrible idea,” Kara said quietly. “You have six days until your meet, just give yourself some time.”

Lena shook her head. “I don’t need time,” she shot back. “I need to be vaulting because I just fell  _ twice _ and that can’t happen during a meet. It can’t happen  _ ever _ .” She said angrily, though the anger wasn’t directed at Kara, she was chastising herself. 

Kara sighed and nodded. She adjusted her glasses nervously before speaking, she knew what she wanted to say was a huge ask, and she had to prepare herself for rejection. 

“I’ll let you finish practice and I won’t tell Miss. Val,” she began, and Lena breathed a sigh of relief. “If you let me take you to the doctors afterwards.”

Lena opened her mouth to protest, but Kara cut her off. “There’s an urgent care center a few miles off campus, we’ll be in and out and Miss. Val never has to know, unless something is actually wrong.”

After some contemplation, Lena reluctantly agreed. But only because she thought Kara would tell Miss. Val if she didn’t. She wanted to accuse Kara of blackmail, but she knew what she was doing couldn’t be called that. At the end of the day, Kara was just looking out for her.

Kara waited outside the girls locker room for her after practice. When Lena didn’t come out with the rest of the girls she began to wonder if she’d snuck out or climbed out a window just to avoid this. She considered texting Lena, which was when she realized she didn't have her number. She internally scolded herself for making it so easy for Lena to get away and made a mental note to ask Lena for her number later, if that is, Lena wasn’t being a total bitch.

Once all of the other girls were gone, Lena made her way out of the locker room. She had a pair of black sweatpants on over her leotard and a blue UCLA drawstring backpack draped over her shoulders. It was given to all the freshmen, a reward for being on the team. 

“You forgot you shirt,” Kara said awkwardly with a light laugh. 

Lena blushed and looked down at her black leotard. “Yeah,” she said bashfully. “I was running late this morning and I didn’t have time to grab one.”  

“Oh, okay then,” she said with a smile. “Let’s go.”

Kara drove Lena to the off campus urgent care center, where they sat in the waiting room for half an hour before Lena’s name was called. At first it was awkward. Neither of them spoke and it was obvious that Lena would have rather been anywhere else than sitting in an urgent care waiting room with her student coach. She didn’t even bother to give Kara nasty glares or rude remarks every ten minutes like Kara expected, she just stared blankly at the wall ahead of her. Occasionally she checked her phone, but other than that she seemed completely empty. She didn’t even seem to care that she were here, it was like she wasn’t feeling anything at all. After a while, Kara could no longer stand the awkwardness and  broke the silence which was when they got to talking. 

“I watched a few of your competition videos from last year,” she started. As soon as the words left her mouth she internally scolded herself.  _ Way to make yourself seem like a stalker, Kara. _

But the statement did get Lena’s attention. She turned to face her, which Kara counted as a win.

“Oh,” she said and raised an eyebrow. 

“They’re very impressive,” Kara gushed with a smile. 

Lena looked down at her lap and blushed. She tried to force down the smile that was creeping up on her. “Thank you,” she said and looked up at Kara momentarily. 

“A lot of people… they think I got lucky,” she began, Kara could see this was hard for her to talk about. “With everything I’ve won, I mean.”

“I don’t think that,” Kara said softly and smiled. She gave Lena’s hand a small squeeze, but Lena flinched at the contact and pulled her hand away. 

“You work hard and it shows. Don’t let anybody say otherwise,” she said kindly yet sternly, making sure Lena was really listening. 

Lena just smiled awkwardly and went back to staring mindlessly ahead of her. Kara couldn’t help but feel like she’d said or done something to make Lena uncomfortable, but she wasn’t sure where she’d went wrong. 

“I hate hospitals,” Lena mumbled. 

“Well, I mean technically this isn’t a hospital,” Kara interjected. Lena shot her a glare and she clamped her mouth shut. It seemed like no matter what she said it would only result in Lena getting angry. 

Lena shrugged. “Hospital, doctors office, urgent care, they’re all the same to me.” She leaned back in her chair, suddenly feeling very exposed in her leotard. She’d gone into many public places in just a leotard and gym shorts over the years, including hospitals, grocery stores, cafes and the occasional restaurant. Normally it didn’t bother her, but now she felt ashamed. It wasn’t the setting though. Her eyes visibly widened as she realized it was Kara. She was ashamed to be so exposed in front of Kara. She tried to shake off the thought as quickly as it appeared. Kara was one of her coaches, it was in the job description not to care about how she was dressed. Kara had seen her in nothing but a sports bra and shorts, so there was no reason to be embarrassed now. 

She folded her arms over her chest protectively and tried to hide herself. She told herself she was just being irrational. It was her apprehensiveness towards hospitals setting in, it wasn’t because Kara made her nervous. Sure, her compliments had made her feel unexplainable warm and fuzzy inside and she kind of felt honored at the prospect that Kara had watched her competition videos. That was until, she reminded herself that Kara was a student coach and probably watched everyone's meet videos, not just her’s. 

“I broke my toe once,” Kara blurted out in an attempt to break the awkwardness. 

“What?” Lena asked she furrowed her brow and turned to face her. 

Kara nodded with a smile. “When I was thirteen I was doing a round off on beam,” she began. “I don’t think I was even on the high beam so that’s pretty embarrassing.” She admitted.

As she continued her story she noticed Lena clinging onto her every word. She wasn’t sure where her newfound respect for Kara was coming from, but Kara hoped it never left.

“I mean, I had it on the high beam but my coach was only letting me do it on the beam with mats, I can’t remember why though.” She clarified. 

“I hate when coaches do that,” Lena muttered. 

“So I did the round off and I made it but then I started to wobble. I took my leg off the beam and did a weird balance check where I slammed it back into the beam,” she said and laughed when Lena cringed and made a face. 

She nodded with a smile. “Yup, I heard it pop and everything.” 

“Oh God, what did you do?” Lena asked with a smile. 

“Well, I didn’t tell my coach,” Kara admitted bashfully. 

Lena’s jaw dropped in pretend shock. “ _ You? _ ” She exclaimed jokingly. 

Kara nodded shamefully. “I shook it off and kept going. I mean, I assumed nothing was wrong. Then after practice I went to the ice bucket because my ankle had been bugging me earlier. Then the next morning it was huge and pink and purple and I couldn’t move it.”

“That’s disgusting,” Lena said and shook her head. 

Kara nodded with a laugh. She wasn’t sure when, but at some point during the conversation, Lena began to feel like a friend. She began to seem human, whereas before she had just seemed like some kind of gymnastics machine. Now it was like they were back in Noonan’s, or tumbling together like they had when they first met. She wasn’t sure what had caused them to drift them apart so quickly, (probably Lena’s constant bad attitude) but she was glad they were starting to become friendly again. 

“So when I got to practice the next morning, I told my coach I slammed it against the beam and I wasn’t sure what I could do and that I would try my best. Long story short, they had to drive me to urgent care to get it X-rayed and I had to tape it for a week,” she finished with a smile. 

“Damn, that must’ve sucked,” Lena said with a soft laugh before a look of skepticism crossed her face. “I feel like you’re trying to teach me a lesson here.” 

Kara pretended to be offended and stared at Lena as if she were shocked by her question. “What? I can’t tell you a funny story just because I want to?” She asked defensively. 

Lena chuckled and shrugged. “I don’t know, can you?” She asked and quirked an eyebrow.

“So, I told you an embarrassing story about me, it’s your turn now,” Kara prompted. 

Lena sighed and jokingly rolled her eyes. “Alright then, what do you want to hear?” 

Kara shrugged. “It can be anything.”

Lena nodded and took a deep breath. “Okay. So when I was fifteen I competed at level ten Junior Olympic Nationals. It was a really big meet and I was so nervous,” she began. “We started on beam, which was my best event and I-”

“Lena Luthor?” A doctor called out. He stood where the long white hallway met the waiting room. Lena looked over at him, she appeared to be overcome with fear, her hands gripped onto the chairs armrests so tightly her knuckles turned white. Her eyes were wide and glistened in the fluorescent lights.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Kara whispered. 

Lena nodded, suddenly seeming very timid and shy. Kara stood up and they followed the doctor to an examination room. Lena hugged herself tightly and kept her distance from both Kara and the doctor, almost as if she were trying to shrink inside herself. 

The doctor asked Lena a few questions about her medical history, which Kara was surprised to hear the answers to. Lena had broken her ankle, dislocated her wrist and broken two ribs. She assumed the broken ribs weren’t from gymnastics, but she didn’t feel it was her place to ask. The doctor then examined her shoulder and asked her what hurt and what didn’t. Though it almost seemed counter productive, because no matter what he did, Lena was evidently in pain.

After a thorough examination, CT and X-ray he determined she’d had a muscle sprain which was causing muscle spasms in her shoulder. Because she had been overworking herself so much, her the muscles in her shoulder were tightening and pressing on her nerves, which is why the pain radiates down to her elbow and pinky. 

Lena stared blankly at the wall as he told her what was wrong and explained the causes and what she would need to do to fully recover. She didn’t want to hear what he was saying, his words just confirmed her greatest fears. She was injured, which likely meant time off. 

“I- can I go to practice tomorrow?” She asked, her voice was weak and small. 

He shook his head solemnly. 

“But I have a meet on Saturday,” she said, her voice broke. Tears were burning in her eyes but she refused to let herself cry, not when Kara was here to see it. Crying was weak, and Luthor’s weren’t weak. She’d grown up hearing that from her mother, now it was time to apply it. 

“I’m giving you one week with no weight bearing and eight weeks of physical therapy. However, the only way it’s going to heal completely is if you take some time off, go easy on yourself,” he said with a sympathetic smile. 

Lena closed her eyes and shook her head. This couldn’t be happening, she had a mock meet in a few days and her first real competition was a month away. She couldn’t be injured, she couldn’t take time off. Not now, not when the season was about to start. 

When it was time for them to leave, Lena took her scans and ignored Kara while they walked to her car. She slammed the door and rested her head on the cold window, she stared outside and hoped Kara wouldn’t see the tears that were streaming down her face. 

“Lena I- I’m so sorry,” Kara said sincerely. She angled her body so she was facing Lena, but Lena refused to look at her, which to Kara was a slap in the face. 

“Do you want to tell me the rest of your story?” She asked softly, hoping that maybe that would cheer her up. 

Lena didn’t bother to even shake her head, so Kara just sighed and deflated into her seat. She knew none of this was her fault, but she couldn’t help feeling guilty. Now Lena wasn’t going to be able to compete, and she was probably going to hate Kara even more now. And just when she’d been starting to warm up to her. Now whenever Lena thought of her she would probably associate her with the reason she wasn’t able to compete on Saturday. And though she knew this couldn’t have been prevented, and though she knew she was doing the right thing, Kara couldn’t help but wish she hadn’t taken Lena. She wanted Lena to get better, but she didn’t want her to hate her. She sighed and looked at Lena, who was silently crying and not so subtly trying to hide it from Kara. No, she was wrong. It didn’t matter if Lena hated her, what mattered was that she was okay. 

“I mean I- I guess it could be worse, it’s only a week and-” Kara began, wishing Lena would just look on the bright side and stop crying. It wasn’t that she found her crying annoying, it was exactly the opposite. Seeing in Lena in so much emotional and physical distress made Kara, for reasons she couldn’t understand, want to protect her, and tell her it would all be okay. But she knew Lena didn’t want that. She just wanted to ease her pain and do whatever it took to make it better, but right now Lena wanted nothing to do with her, and she had to respect that. 

“Just drive,” Lena cut her off harshly. 

Kara sighed and started the car. 

If Lena didn’t want her help, then there was nothing she could do and it was time to accept that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm sorry about the angst but I promise it'll get better. Also, Kara's broken toe story is a completely true story and it happened to me when I was thirteen and I thought it would be fun to include. I also know literally nothing about medicine/real injuries so Lena's shoulder is actually the same injury I had to deal with last year, which really sucked at the time but now it makes for a good storyline so I mean I guess everything turned out okay. I hope you guys liked this chapter and I'll try to have chapter six up by Tuesday.   
> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena finally starts warming up to Kara. She ends up hanging out with her at the library and they start to get to know each other better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't name that many skills but there were two (I believe) so here they are  
> salto skills- forwards or backwards flips in which the gymnast doesn't use their hands  
> aerial skills- things like cartwheels and walkovers but without hands. For example a side aerial is a cartwheel without hands and a front aerial is a front walkover without hands.

Lena Luthor did not take being benched easily. She was never second best. Even when she was in elementary school, she was always chosen first for kick ball. So she did not appreciate being constantly told to take it easy during practice by Kara and Miss. Val. She was already not using her left arm at all, she wasn’t sure how much ‘easier’ she could take it. 

She still participated in every practice to the best of her ability, which both concerned and amazed Kara simultaneously. When the rest of her team was told to do three rope climbs without using their legs, Lena did thirty v-ups. When they did push ups, she held a hollow body for a minute. When they tumbled, Lena did front salto skills so that she wouldn’t put any weight on her arm. When her team went to bars, she stayed on beam and worked switch leap back tucks and aerial skills. When her team vaulted, she conditioned on the side lines. She would do anything to get to practice with her team, so she did everything she had the ability to do. 

However, even though she wasn’t putting weight on her shoulders, the amount of work she was doing was causing her almost just the same amount of pain, if not more. But despite this, it went unnoticed by everyone. She didn’t want to tell her coaches, and not just because she only had a day left with no weight bearing until she was finally allowed to practice to her full capability. It was because she was already watering down her work load, she didn’t want to seem over dramatic or look like she was weak or seeking attention by speaking up about her injury. But it was still mostly her desire to start training fully again. After watching her teams mock meet with tears in her eyes, she knew it didn’t matter how much her shoulder was bothering her. She had to compete again. With only one day left, she’d started to finally believe that this would all be over soon. She would finally be seen as a real member of the team again, she would no longer be second best. She would get to be back out on the floor where she belonged. 

“Hey, uh... Lena?”

“Yeah.”

“What are you doing?” Sam asked and tilted her head.

“Nothing,” Lena replied nonchalantly. 

Sam had to stifle a laugh at the sight in front of her. Lena was lying on her stomach on the floor of the living room with an ice pack next to her. She’d lazily thrown her gym bag onto the couch, where it lay open with her leotard and leggings spilling out of it. She wasn’t sure how long Lena had been laying on the ground for, but the ice was almost completely melted and was now forming a small puddle on the floor next to her. 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked and knelt down next to Lena. 

“My shoulder hurts,” she mumbled, not even bothering to pick her head up. 

Sam sighed sympathetically, not quite sure how to respond. Luckily, Lena surprisingly did all the talking for her. 

“This morning when I was putting my shirt on it was hurting everywhere. Then when I opened my water bottle I could feel it all the way in my pinky. It hasn’t stopped, Sam. And it’s my whole arm now,” she practically whimpered. 

Sam sighed and lowered herself onto her stomach so she could lie down next to Lena. She noticed the dark bags under her friends eyes and how it seemed as if she were struggling to keep them open. 

“Did you get any sleep last night?” She asked, her voice laced with concern. 

“I got like… three hours I think. I don’t know,” she confined with a yawn. “I haven’t been able to sleep at all for the past few days.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Sam asked and sat up, the floor was stiff, cold and uncomfortable, and she wasn’t sure how Lena had managed to lay there for so long without it bothering her. 

“Because I  _ finally  _ get to go back to training tomorrow,” she explained. 

“Lena, you’re just going to injure yourself  even more if you keep pushing yourself like this,” Sam said, but she’d said it so many times that by now it felt completely pointless. It was like talking to a child-- no that wasn’t right. At times her three year old daughter listened better than Lena did. 

Lena sighed and got up. “I’m going to the library.” She said abruptly. 

“What, why?” Sam asked, surprised at Lena’s sudden mood change. 

“Because you’re starting to sound like Kara and it’s killing me slowly.”

 

Lena slowly made her way through the library. She had her bag draped over her good shoulder and her eyes darted across the large building. Though it was often calm and quiet, the library was one of the places that she found the most stressful. Maybe it was the eerie silence. Sometimes she felt like everyone could hear her every little movement, and was secretly judging her for breathing too loudly or other irrational things. She knew these thoughts were crazy, but she couldn’t help them. She had grown up in a household where she was criticized for her every move so it was hard to shake the feeling that people here would do the same. 

She looked around once more, the majority of tables were filled by groups of students cramming for finals or single students who refused to let anybody sit near them as they were ‘saving seats for their friends’. Lena found a table towards one of the back corners. It was one of the few that wasn’t littered with large groups of friends. She reluctantly took a seat across from a girl with blonde curly hair that cascaded down her shoulders like a waterfall. She was completely engrossed in her book and didn’t even notice Lena’s presence. There was a bag full of Chinese take out next to her, and Lena couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take for one of the librarians to yell at her for having food. 

She awkwardly cleared her throat to get the blonde girl’s attention. “Hey uh… is it okay if I sit here?” She asked. 

The girl looked up and smiled. As soon as Lena realized who was smiling back at her, she regretted her decision to ever leave her apartment and wished she had just stayed at home with Sam and Ruby. 

“Oh, Kara I-- I can go sit somewhere else,” she stammered. Before Kara could object she turned on her heel, prepared to walk away. 

“W- wait,” Kara blurted out. 

Lena sighed and turned back around. 

“You can sit here if you’d like,” she offered and smiled warmly. She gestured to the chair across from her and Lena almost felt guilty for how cruelly she’d treated Kara in the past. 

She wasn’t sure why she was suddenly so anxious, but she nervously took a seat and pulled out her laptop from her bag. She opened her notes from one of the lectures she’d sat in on earlier in the week. She wasn’t really sure which class the notes belonged to, but she needed something to focus on. Anything to distract her from Kara. She couldn’t stop her eyes from drifting to her, no matter how badly she wanted to look away, she was constantly drawn to Kara. It was the first time she was seeing her outside on an occasion completely unrelated to gymnastics, and though she would never admit it, Kara did look really nice. 

“You look really pretty with your hair down,” Kara commented after a few minutes of silence. 

Lena blushed and shyly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. It was only now occurring to her that this was the first time Kara had seen her with her hair down and in her regular clothes. 

“Thanks, so do you,” she said quietly, Kara just smiled in response. So much for keeping those thoughts inside. 

“So you get to come back and practice fully tomorrow, are you excited?” Kara asked with enough enthusiasm for the both of them.

Lena shrugged. “I guess.”

“I thought you’d be happier,” Kara said, a look of confusion crossed her face and a small crinkle appeared between her eyes. Her concerned face made Lena feel guilty, as if she’d done something wrong.

She sighed and looked down at her hands. “I don’t know. I guess I… I’m excited,” she said and plastered on a smile. 

She couldn’t admit to Kara the real reason she was so apprehensive about coming back fully. It had only been a week, but that was seven whole days of no back tumbling, bars, vault and the majority of her beam skills. What if she’d lost her skills already? It was highly unlikely, but it was possible. And even if she did still have all her skills, she wasn’t sure of how much more of this injury she could take. She had been overcompensating with her right arm so much that now she was beginning to feel the same symptoms in that shoulder. There was just so much that could go wrong, it almost seemed easier to not come back at all. 

Kara nodded slowly, though she didn’t seem convinced. She’d expected to be bursting with excitement, or at least the Lena equivalent of bursting with excitement. She almost seemed like she didn’t want to come back, but Kara knew it wasn’t her place to pry.

“What are you studying?” She asked to change the subject. 

All they ever talked about gymnastics, and when it came down to it, they were practically strangers. Probably because Lena pushed Kara away at any given opportunity, but that didn’t stop Kara for holding out hope that maybe one day they’d be able to form a friendship. But now Lena was here, voluntarily talking to her, it couldn’t hurt to try to start a conversation. 

Lena shrugged. “I don’t know. Honestly, I only came here because my roommate was driving me insane and I needed to get out of there before I killed her,” she admitted with a small laugh.

“Oh, what was she doing?” Kara asked. 

Lena opened her mouth to speak before realizing she couldn’t blatantly tell Kara  _ she was starting to remind me of you _ . 

“She uh… it was nothing really,” she said quickly.

“You like potstickers?” Lena questioned and gestured to the three opened cartons filled to the top with potstickers. 

Kara blushed and laughed lightly. “Uh yeah, they’re my favorite. D- do you want some?” She offered and passed a carton and chopsticks to Lena, who was preparing herself to politely decline. She really should be eating healthy and she’d eaten take out three times in the past week when she hadn’t had any time to eat dinner. She’d even ended up eating ramen noodles for breakfast one morning because she’d forgotten to go grocery shopping. Her eating habits were partially Sam’s fault though. Lena normally didn’t have time in between practice, competitions, physical therapy, classes and homework to eat. But Sam had told her no matter how hard things got, to make sure she ate something, no matter how small or unhealthy. It wasn’t uncommon for Lena to forget to eat, or use excuses like she was  _ too busy _ . So Sam made it her mission to make sure Lena was always well fed, which admittedly sometimes made her feel like she had two kids instead of one. But her teachings worked (for the most part), especially this week.

So Lena knew she should’ve said no, she’d been incredibly unhealthy this week. But Kara was staring at her with bright blue puppy dog eyes that she just couldn’t bring herself to say no to. 

“Thank you,” she said with a smile as she accepted the carton.  “What are you studying?”

Kara shrugged. “Nothing, I’m just reading,” a blush creeped up onto her cheeks. “I didn’t actually want to come here, I got lost trying to find my dorm on the way back from my psychology class and I ended up here,” she smiled to try to hide the embarrassment and gestured to the rest of the library. 

“Which dorm are you in?” Lena asked. 

“Hedrick Hall,” Kara said. 

Lena looked down at her lap and chuckled softly. 

“What? What is it?” Kara asked, dumbfounded by Lena’s obvious amusement. 

Lena shook her head as habitually tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled at Kara. “It’s nothing, I- that was my dorm last year. I hated it,” she admitted and nervously bit her lip, hoping Kara wouldn’t take offence at her blunt statement. 

“Oh, I mean it’s full of freshmen so I get why it isn’t the best,” Kara responded, Lena couldn’t tell if she was annoyed or not at her comment. “Do you still live there?”

“No, I live in an apartment off campus with my friend Sam,” she explained. “But I- I can take you back to your room if you’d like,” she offered. 

Kara shook her head and smiled. She put her book back into her purse, Lena assumed because she was getting ready to leave. 

“It’s okay you don’t have to. Then you’d have to walk-- or drive all the way back to your apartment which I’m sure is a huge inconvenience. I was going to call my roommate at first but I remembered she kind of hates me, so I’m just going to wait around for a little while longer and maybe google map it or something. But t- thank you for the offer,” she rambled, unsure of how to decline Lena’s offer without seeming rude. 

Lena shook her head and stood up, placing her laptop back into her bag. “Don’t worry about it. I got lost all the time last year, I’d be fine with walking you back.”

Kara was taken aback by Lena’s sudden kindness. “O- oh, okay, t- thank you,” she stammered. 

By the time they had gotten back to Kara’s apartment, it was dark outside and a cool breeze had settled over campus. It had started to rain, luckily for the both of them, once they had gotten inside. On their walk over, they’d talked about what seemed like everything and nothing. They went from talking about the upcoming competitions, to Lena’s surprising love for science and engineering, to Kara’s final next week. At first is was awkward, but once they (mostly Kara) got the conversation going, they realized they had more in common than they thought. Lena even began to enjoy her time with Kara for the first time in what felt like forever. Once she got past the cold exterior, Kara realized Lena was actually a lot nicer and humble than she let on. It made Kara wish their walk never had to end. 

Kara unlocked the door to her dorm, secretly disappointed it was not time for her to part with Lena. 

“Thank you,” she said softly and smiled warmly. “For walking me home. I probably would’ve gotten lost again if it weren’t for you so… thank you.”

Lena blushed and smiled in return. “It was nothing.” 

With that there was a clap of thunder, which made Lena jump backwards. 

“Are you okay?” Kara asked, she’d never seen Lena look so shocked, she almost seemed scared. 

Lena nodded and shook it off. “Yeah, I’m fine, that just startled me I guess,” she said, but her smile faltered at the thought of having to walk all the way to the bus stop in a thunderstorm so she could get back to her apartment. 

“Do you want to come in for a little while?” Kara offered. “Until it stops raining-- I mean.” She added so that Lena wouldn’t get freaked out by the offer and reject her. 

“A- are you sure? I’d be fine to go home, really,” Lena replied. 

Kara opened the door and stepped aside so Lena could some inside. 

“What are friends for?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry I didn't upload yesterday, I was going to but I ended up having an anxiety attack in school which lasted like two hours and I just didn't have the energy or motivation to write anything when I got home. I stayed home from school sick today which sucked but it gave me the time I needed to finish and post this chapter. However, I don't do very good work when I'm sick so I apologize if this totally sucks. So yeah I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday and I'm sorry if this is really poorly written, but I hope you guys don't hate it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena starts to dissociate while she's with Kara, which Kara finds out is because of her fear of thunderstorms. Kara does the best she can to take care of Lena and make her feel safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I'm sorry I'm posting this at like 1am but I really wanted to post something today (technically yesterday) so I guess it's better late than never. This chapter is also kinda short, but I'll try to make it up with the next one.  
> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated :)

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Kara asked and flopped on her bed next to Lena. She opened her laptop and began scrolling through Netflix so that Lena could see the options before Lena even had the chance to respond.

Kara pointed out different movie options but Lena just watched contently without a word. Occasionally she would shrug in response, but she stayed completely silent. Instead, she pulled her legs into her chest and inched backward so she was leaning against the wall. Though the movement was small, Kara noticed and couldn’t help but wonder if she’d already done something to make Lena uncomfortable. But she tried to shake the feeling away. Lena had been here for less than ten minutes, it was nearly impossible to have found a way to upset her already. Though then again it was Lena and after all, she wasn’t known for her predictability.

“Ooh, I think this is new,” she pointed out, hoping it would get Lena’s attention. But Lena appeared to have completely shut down. She stared at the wall blankly and she played with a loose thread on her jeans. Her eyes had glassed over and it was as if she wasn’t even in the same room as Kara. It was like her body was vacant, sure, physically she was there, but she wasn’t really there.

“Lena?” She whispered, as so not to startle her.

Lena cringed at the sudden noise and turned her attention to Kara. “What is it?” She breathed.

“Are you okay?” Kara asked, even though she knew that if something was wrong Lena would probably deny it.

Just as she predicted, Lena nodded and forced a small smile. “Yeah, I just… I hate the rain,” she said with a small scoff.

“Oh, okay,” Kara smiled reassuringly at her. “We don’t have to watch a movie if you don’t want to.”

Lena shook her head and took a deep breath. “No, it’s fine. Don’t let me ruin your night. If you want to watch a movie we can watch tv,” she said as she mentally pulled herself back together. Kara could practically see the sky-high walls she was building shoot up around her.

“I’m sure the rain will stop soon,” she said kindly, but her words were disproved by a flash of lightning that lit up the whole room. Lena inhaled sharply and held her breath, her entire body tensed, which didn’t go unnoticed by Kara. But before she could speak up, Lena insisted that she was okay and quietly asked Kara if she could go back to trying to find a movie.

After some scrolling, they decided against watching a movie and opted for binge watching _Friends_ together. Well, Kara made the decision after mildly freaking out when she found out Lena had never watched it.

“You’ve never seen _Friends?_ ” She had exclaimed.

Lena then shrugged as if it were normal. “I didn’t watch that much television growing up, then when I went to boarding school we only watched tv like once a month,” she explained.

Kara’s eyes widened and her jaw literally dropped in shock. “Once a month?” She repeated.

Lena nodded silently.

“Have you ever seen a Disney movie?” Kara asked, still trying to process the new information.

Lena shook her head. “My parents never let me watch them,” she said, there was a hint of sadness to her voice.

“Okay, after this we’re watching a Disney movie,” Kara decided excitedly.

However, halfway through the episode, Lena began to space out again. At first, she would snap out of it. Whenever Kara would laugh at something, she would ‘wake up’ in a sense and laugh too so Kara wouldn’t notice her dissociation. But after a while, the laughter became less frequent and it was almost like Lena was fast asleep but with her eyes wide open. Her legs were still pulled tightly into her chest, and she was now resting her chin on her knees. Her eyes were wide and Kara couldn’t tell if she was hyperfocused on something, or just very out of it.

She paused the episode of _Friends_ and put her laptop aside. She slowly examined Lena, who remained oblivious to Kara’s movement. Kara wasn’t sure if she should tap her on the shoulder or give her a reassuring hug, so she decided against either. Lena didn’t seem like the kind of person to appreciate physical gestures. Now that she thought of it, Kara began to realize Lena was often hesitant to let anybody spot her during practice, even Miss. Val, who seemed like a second mother to Lena. She’d assumed it was because Lena constantly felt the need to prove herself to everyone, but then she thought about the times she’d caught Lena to save her from face planting. Lena had almost always instinctively jumped away from her, instead of taking a minute to laugh it off like the other girls did. Sure, it probably wasn’t as deep as she was making it, but it was something to think about.

“Lena, you okay?” She asked softly.

There was a clap of thunder Lena inhaled sharply as she was brought back to reality. She flinched at the noise but tried to play it off as if she were getting comfortable. “What?” She breathed.

“I asked if you’re okay,” she repeated quietly, so she wouldn’t startle Lena.

Lena took a minute to look around before nodding silently in response. When she became aware of how she was sitting, she untucked her legs and crossed them so would look less vulnerable.

“I just… I don’t like thunderstorms,” she admitted bashfully. “I… I don’t know. I- it’s-- never mind.”

“What is it?” Kara asked. “I promise, I won’t judge.”

“No, i-- it doesn’t matter. It’s stupid anyways,” Lena said, avoiding Kara’s gaze.

There was another clap of thunder which paired with a flash of lightning, Lena closed her eyes tightly and held her breath. The rain intensified and Lena wrapped her arms around herself. She gasped for air and took a deep breath before opening her eyes once more.

“I- I’m sorry I- I don’t-- I don’t know what happened,” she breathed.

Kara shook her head and placed a hand on Lena’s shoulder, but she pulled away quickly at the contact.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Kara said reassuringly.

“It’s just… I-- I just-- the storm kind of-- I don’t know it freaks me out I guess,” Lena stammered and inched closer to Kara.

“It’s okay, you’ll be okay,” Kara whispered but stayed put, no matter how badly she wanted to come to Lena’s rescue.

She let Lena be the one to initiate any physical contact so that she wouldn’t scare her away. She moved closer to Kara until she was practically pressed up against her. She allowed herself to lean into Kara, who wrapped her arms around Lena protectively. As the thunder clapped again, she buried her face into the crook of Kara’s neck. Kara held Lena close and rested her head atop Lena’s. She rubbed soothing circles onto her back and listened to the sound of Lena’s heavy breathing, as it eventually calmed down and returned to a normal pace.

After staying like that for a few minutes, Lena became aware of her surroundings once more and looked up at Kara, but made no effort to move from her protective hold.

“I- I’m sorry, I should go, your roommate will be back soon and I’m sure neither of you want to deal with me like this,” she said with a humorless chuckle.

“If Imra’s not back by now it’s because she’s sleeping somewhere else tonight. And I’m not _dealing_ with you Lena, I like hanging out with you,” she said with a smile. “You’re pretty fun, when you’re not being a total bitch.” She added, and as soon as she said it she knew it might backfire in the worst ways.

But luckily, Lena just laughed and bowed her head. “I guess I deserved that,” she said and smiled back up at Kara.

“No, I think we just got off on the wrong foot,” Kara said with a sigh.

“No,” Lena disagreed. “We got off on the right foot, I just… I was a bitch and I- I’m sorry,” she said, not allowing her voice to fade out like it normally did when she apologised. Except for the fact that this time, Lena felt like she was apologizing for good reason, not because she had been forced to or because she had to. She cared for Kara, even if just as a friend. Kara was the first real friend she’d had in a while, and she wasn’t going to let herself mess it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not really sure what I wanted to say here because it's 1am and I'm getting a little bit loopy because of all the caffeine I've had today and lack of sleep. In case you're wondering, I will explain Lena's fear of thunderstorms later because it ties into some other stuff. I'm finally starting to figure out a plot for this story, and it isn't fully developed but it's getting somewhere so I'm excited about that. I hope you guys liked this chapter, and goodnight!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lena wakes up in Kara's dorm after seemingly spending the night, she can't seem to get out fast enough which confuses Kara because they'd had a good (for the most part) day together. When she gets back to her apartment, Lena blows up at Sam and later has an panic attack due to everything that happened that day before practice.   
> This is a really crappy description but a lot of stuff happens in this chapter and I wasn't sure how to briefly summarize it.   
> Possible trigger warning for panic/anxiety attacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible TW: description of a panic attack   
> I didn't edit/revise this even though I should have so I'm sorry if it's a complete mess.

Lena woke up to a sharp feeling in her stomach and her hair covering her face. She opened her eyes and groaned as she wiped away the blonde mop that was covering her eyes. It was then she realized she didn’t have blonde hair, so it must’ve been coming from someone else. Slowly, she turned her head as she repeated the words  _ please don’t be Kara please don’t be Kara _ to herself over and over again. She wasn’t even surprised when she saw Kara’s face, but she couldn’t help the small moan like yelp that escaped at the realization that she had just slept in the same bed as  _ Kara _ of all people. It wasn’t like they’d slept together, but Lena felt just as weirded out as if they had. 

She pulled the covers off slowly and carefully as to not wake Kara, and saw Kara’s elbow jabbing against her stomach, which explained the sharp pain. But that wasn’t even the worst part. Their legs were tangled and intertwined, almost as if they’d been cuddling when they fell asleep. She inhaled sharply as she began to remember the events from last night. They  _ had _ cuddled, but it wasn’t just that, Lena had cuddled with Kara and she’d liked it. Kara made her feel safe during the storm, she made her feel like nobody would ever be able to hurt her again. Nobody had ever been able to make her feel like that before. It was new and foreign, which meant she wasn’t sure if she could trust it. Sure, Kara was nice now, the last time she’d opened up to someone they’d betrayed her, they left her broken and alone. She couldn’t let Kara have this kind of power over her, it couldn’t end well, it never did. 

She carefully untangled her legs from Kara’s slipped out of bed as discreetly as she could. But her attempts to go unnoticed failed and Kara began to stir when she felt the absence of Lena’s presence. Lena sat down on Kara’s roomate, Imra’s bed and tried to put on her shoes as quickly as she could. It was a matter of seconds before Kara really did wake up, which meant she less than a minute to get her shoes on, find the keys to her apartment and somehow get out of Kara’s dorm. But time was not on Lena’s side. 

Kara sat up and opened her eyes. She squinted as she adjusted to the light and looked around, her face full of confusion. It took her a minute, but she put the pieces together as she saw Lena preparing to leave.

“Lena, what are you doing?” She asked and rubbed her eyes. 

“I should go, practice is gonna start in an hour and I need to get ready” Lena responded and scanned Kara’s apartment with her eyes. Her phone buzzed in her hand before Kara could respond. She checked the message and immediately her face fell. 

“Lena?”

She took a deep breath and looked up at Kara. She forced a small smile. “I think I lost the keys to my apartment, can you help me find them?” she said with a sigh. Her voice was weak and tired, a drastic change from how it had sounded just seconds ago. 

Kara narrowed her eyes as she thought for a minute. She walked over to her desk and moved away some of the papers before tossing the keys to Lena. 

Lena let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding in and quietly thanked Kara, who simply smiled back at her. 

“I- I should probably go. My roommate texted me like a million times and if I don’t get home soon I think she might call the police,” she said with a chuckle, though the smile seemed fake and the laugh was empty. 

“Okay, I… I had fun with you last night,” Kara said awkwardly. 

Lena nodded as she made her way over to the door. “Yeah, me too.” 

As soon as Lena left, Kara excitedly called Alex (and inevitably Maggie) to tell her the good news; Lena was finally warming up to her. She could hardly contain her excitement, Lena was finally treating her like a friend, which is all she’d wanted ever since they first met. 

However, Lena had a very different conversation with Sam. 

“Lena, you can’t just disappear on me like that,” she exclaimed as Lena entered the apartment. “Do you know how worried I was?”

Lena shrugged. “It’s fine, I was with Kara,” she mumbled and pushed past Sam and into her bedroom. 

“Lena, I’m serious,” she said and threw open the bedroom door. “You need to stop being so careless.”

“I’m not being careless,” Lena shot back. 

Sam sighed and shook her head. “Lena, listen I love you and you can do what you want but you can’t just tell me you’re going to the library then not return any of my texts or calls and completely disappear overnight. I thought something happened to you,” she said harsly though she meant well. She wanted what was best for Lena, but sometimes, despite being the smartest person she knew, Lena could be a real idiot. 

“I’m fine, alright. Nothing happened, can we just drop it?” Lena retorted and anxiously ran her hand through her hair. But something did happen, and no matter how badly she wanted to tell Sam about the text, she knew she would never understand.

“Listen, I get it. I should’ve called but you seriously need to chill,” she said, starting to get agitated at Sam’s constant badgering. She knew Sam was just looking out for, but she didn’t need someone to look out for her. She was fine on her own. 

“No Lena, you always do this you--”

“I have to get to practice, can we just talk about this later?” She asked, her tone surprisingly softer and calmer than before. She turned away from Sam and walked over to her dresser. She opened the top drawer and began sorting through her practice leotards. 

“No, you can’t just keep--”

“Sam! I have to get to practice, just drop it,” Lena shouted and snapped her head around. Sam was taken aback by her sudden outburst and just stood silently, unsure of what to say next. Instead she just sighed and nodded. She turned around and walked away before Lena could see how upset she really was. 

 

Lena arrived at practice half an hour early. She couldn’t bear to be in the apartment with Sam, not after she’d blown up the way she had, but she also couldn’t bring herself to apologise. She made her way into the locker room so she could change, secretly glad she wouldn’t have to share the space with her teammates when they arrived. It wasn’t that Lena didn’t like the other girls, it was just that she was incredibly self conscious over her body and hated when they saw her in a state of undress. 

Now that she was alone, she could comfortably and leisurely change into her leotard and shorts. Once she was done she sat down on a wooden bench and scrolled through her texts from earlier that day, not just the ones from Sam. The one that she blamed for her blow up on too. 

She was pulled out of her thoughts when the locker room opened with a loud creak. 

“Hello?” She called out, though she wasn’t sure if she wanted anybody to respond. 

“Lena?” The voice belonged to Kara and Lena internally cursed herself for coming so early. Of course Kara would be here, it was her job to get the gym ready for practice and do any last minute cleaning. She considered running out of the locker room and just waiting in her car until practice started, but Kara wandered aimlessly over to Lena’s bench before she could get up and walk away. 

“Hey,” Kara said with a grin and small wave. 

“Do you uh… do you need any help with that?” She asked and pointed to the roll of black KT tape next to Lena. 

Lena put her phone down and looked up at Kara. “Oh, uh yeah,” she stammered. 

She stood up and handed Kara the roll of tape before pulling her leotard down half way. “Are you okay?” She asked cautiously as she applied the tape to Lena’s left shoulder. 

“What?”

Kara shrugged. “I don’t know, you just look like you’re upset.” 

Lena sighed with a small nod. “Yeah, I kind of freaked out on my roommate,” she admitted, though she wasn’t really sure why she was telling Kara this. It was none of her business. 

“Oh?” She urged Lena to continue as she finished applying the tape and handed the role back to Lena.

Lena turned to face Kara and groaned as she pulled her leotard up the rest of the way. “I don’t even know why. I mean I just-- I don’t know,” her voice trailed off. 

“Did she do something?” Kara asked, hoping she would have a reason to take Lena’s side and not tell her what she did was wrong, because she could tell Lena knew she shouldn’t have done what she did. 

Lena bit her lip and shook her head. “It doesn’t matter anyways.” 

Kara nodded and tried to hide her concern. “I should go clean the gym up before practice starts,” she said and excused herself, leaving Lena alone in the locker room. 

Lena sat back down on the bench and put her head in her hands. As soon as Kara left, she was overcome with emotion. She felt her stomach tighten and tears burn in her eyes. She squeezed her eyes tightly and a lone tear made its way down her cheek. She inhaled sharply and tried to force down the sobs that she so desperately wanted to push down. She looked up and gasped for air, but her lungs rejected the oxygen surrounding her. She wrapped her arms around herself and hugged herself tightly and dug her fingernails into her skin so deeply she was surprised it didn’t bleed. She gasped for air once more and when that didn’t help calm her down, she let out a shaky breath. She closed her eyes but that only seemed to make it worse. As she opened them once more, it felt as though the room had shifted and the room was now swaying beneath her. More tears made their way down her face as a sob made its way to the surface and wracked her body. She heard the locker room door open, signaling that her teammates were here and practice would be starting soon. She wasn’t sure how she would manage it, but she knew she had to get out. 

Lena attempted to stand up, but immediately regretted it. Her vision was tinted with a white hue and it felt as though the ground were going to pull itself out from beneath her. She took a shaky step and for a minute was scared that the floor really was disappearing. It was like if she walked any further, she was going to fall off a cliff, except she’d never reach the ground, she would just keep falling. The rational part of Lena knew the ground wasn’t going to slip out from under her, but she had no rationality left within her now. She let out another shaky breath as her heart rate began to pick up. Her breaths became shorter and faster which she assumed was the reason the room now seemed to be spinning. She clenched her hands into fists so tightly her knuckles turned white and reminded herself of the task at hand; she had to get out of the locker room before one of her teammates, or worse coaches, found her like this. 

She somehow managed to stumble out of the locker room and into the bathroom. She tripped into a stall and used all the energy she had left within herself to slam the door shut. As soon as the door was closed, she collapsed onto the floor and began to cry for real. The sobs took over her body and she was no longer in control of anything. Her head and back fell against the cold tile wall as she closed her eyes and let herself just cry, she no longer even tried to stop herself, she knew there was no point. No matter how hard she tried to breathe, she the air seemed just a little too far out of her grasp. After a little while, she began to wonder if it would ever stop, even though she wasn’t quite sure what  _ ‘it’ _ was. 

She wasn’t sure how long it took, and in all honesty, she didn’t even remember how it happened, but at some point she stopped crying and started breathing heavily instead. She clenched her fists and tilted her head back. She stared up at the ceiling and tried to think about something else. Something happy. But there wasn’t much she could do to distract herself. 

There was a small creaking noise, it was hardly audible but it was enough to make Lena pull her legs up into her chest in fear of someone looking under the stall door seeing her like this. She held her breath as she heard the door close. Someone was in the bathroom, she couldn’t see who it was, but they wore the same blue sneakers as Kara.  _ Oh God please don’t be Kara _ . She thought to herself. 

“Lena?” The voice asked softly. “Lena, are you in here?”

Lena bit her lip and tilted let her head fall against her knees as the tears welled up in her eyes once more. 

“Lena, is that you? It’s me, Kara.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm only posting this because I feel like I should be writing/posting once a day, not because I like this chapter. Personally I think I could've done a lot better and I'm kind of disappointed in it. I've been kind of discouraged with my writing lately so I'm sorry if my notes section is kind of depressing I just feel like I should let you guys know I can do better than this and my work will hopefully be getting better soon. So yeah, if you actually read this far, thank you and thank you guys so much for sticking with this story even though I don't really want to stick with it myself at times.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara comforts and takes care of Lena after her panic attack.  
> Possible TW- mentions of panic attacks and self harm. (I'm not sure if what happens is actually self harm but it's better safe than sorry).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just wanted to say thank you guys so much for being so nice and supportive. Not gonna lie I may or may not have cried a little bit when I read some of the comments on my last post. You guys are literally the best. I hope and I hope you like this chapter!

“Lena, are you okay in there?” Kara asked softly and pressed a hand to the stall door, but didn’t allow herself to open it without Lena’s permission first. 

“I’m right out here if you need me,” she added with hope it would somehow offer Lena some sort of reassurance. 

There was no response, but Kara could hear Lena’s quiet cries, the cries she was trying so hard to hold back and it broke her heart. She rested her forehead against the door and closed her eyes. 

She took a deep breath before speaking and opened her eyes. “I don’t really… I don’t know what’s wrong and I-- I want to help and I-- is it okay if I say a few things? I-- I don’t know if it’ll help but I-- I just… I don’t know,” she sighed. 

Lena stayed silent, which Kara took as an invitation to continue speaking. She picked her head up and turned around so her back was to the the door. She slid down against it and sat down on the floor so she could be closer to Lena, who still had her legs pulled tightly into her chest. She turned her head and placed a gentle hand on the stall door, it was a soft touch, the kind of touch she would give Lena if Lena allowed her to. 

“I’m not sure about what’s going on, but I was talking to Miss. Val earlier and she said you’ve been putting a lot of pressure on yourself lately and she can tell you’ve been really stressed out. I- I just… I wanted to tell you that… I know today was a big day for you. You were going to practice on your arms for the first time in a week and I know that’s scary because you might’ve lost skills and your arms might be weak and you think you’re not going to be as good as you used to be.” She began. “But I-- I wanted you to know that I- I’m really proud of you and even if you did lose your skills-- which I know you didn’t because you’re so talented and even if you did you could get them all back in a day.” Kara took a deep breath and closed her eyes again when she realized she’d been rambling again. 

“But what I’m trying to say is; I’m proud of you, and not just because you’ve been working super hard lately. You let me take you to the doctors even though you barely knew me and you knew they were going to give you bad news. When they told you to sit out, you listened. And I-- I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal and I guess maybe I should-- I don’t know maybe you want me to tell you you’re an amazing gymnast and I- I’ll do that if that’s what you want because you are, you are an amazing gymnast. But it- it’s more than that,” Kara sighed and bit her lip. She just wasn’t sure how to say the one thing she wanted to tell Lena to know the most.

How do you tell someone you’re proud of them for trusting you, because you can tell how hard trust is for them? How do you tell them you hope that it doesn’t go away, because you want to continue to earn their trust and friendship?

“I-- I don’t really know what I’m trying to say,” she admitted with a light laugh. “And I know there’s not really anything I can say or do to help but I- I’m here if you need me.”

She held her breath and listened as hard as she could for any sign of movement from Lena. But she was silent. She let out a sigh and began to fidget with her fingers anxiously. She wanted to help Lena but she didn’t want to invade her privacy by barging into the bathroom unannounced. She knew Lena was a very guarded person, and if she walked in it would only make this worse. She had to let Lena be the one to initiate anything between them, especially now. 

“Kara?” The voice was small and hoarse, but it was there. 

Kara immediately perked up at Lena’s acknowledgement. “Yeah?”

“C- can you come-- come here?” Lena asked, her hoarse voice barely above a whisper. 

Kara stood up and stepped inside the bathroom stall. Her heart broke at the sight in front of her. Lena sat in the corner, her face was red and stained with tears and her eyes were puffy from crying. She’d never seen Lena so small and vulnerable, she was normally so strong and assertive, it was like looking at a completely different person. 

Kara closed the door than sat down beside her, offering a tiny smile. “Hey,” she breathed. 

Lena managed a small smile, though her eyes still glistened with tears. “I… did practice start already? I- I’m sorry I- can I- can I have a minute and then I think I- I’ll be good to go.”

Kara shook her head. “You’re not practicing today, not like this.”

Lena looked down at herself and felt a sense of shame wash over her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, she couldn’t bear to look Kara in the eye. 

“Don’t apologise, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Kara said softly, but she meant every word. Lena gave her a small nod. 

“You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to but, did something happen?” She asked. But as soon as she said it, she internally scolded herself.

_ Of course something happened, Kara. These things don’t happen for no reason, God you could try to be at least a little sensitive to the situation.  _

“It’s fine,” Lena said and took a deep breath. She looked up and met Kara’s gaze. “It’s been two years today since-- since Lex, my brother he-- it’s been a two years since he was arrested. And I--,” she scoffed and shook her head. “I’d actually managed t- to forget about it these past few days but I-” she sighed and looked back down at her lap. “I was- I was thinking about it a lot less.”

A small crease appeared on Kara’s forehead, just like it always did when she was thinking too hard, nervous, or a combination of both. She couldn’t help but wonder, had she done something to make Lena remember? Had  _ she _ triggered her panic attack? 

“Then this morning when I was getting ready to leave…” she pursed her lips and inhaled sharply. “My mom texted me,” she said and her face paled. “I- I know how stupid that sounds,” she added. 

Kara nodded, but she couldn’t take her mind off of the first thing Lena said. It had just hit her, Lex Luthor was her brother. Sure, she’d known it was a possibility; but Kara had always chalked up Lena’s last name to an unlucky coincidence. She assumed her rude standoffish behavior was her being a moody, sleep deprived, college student who was under way too much pressure and nearing her breaking point. After all, Lena’s grumpy behavior was incomparable to the things the Luthor’s had done. Even though she was well aware of Lena’s last name, Kara would’ve never thought to associate Lena with the Luthor’s and their terrible deeds. Lex had committed unspeakable crimes, it seemed impossible that Lena was his little sister. Sure, Lena had been adopted, but just the fact that she had grown up in the same house as him was enough to give Kara an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

Lena immediately noticed Kara’s change of expression, even though it was small, and stopped talking. She sighed and began to fidget with her hands. 

“You can go,” she said. It wasn’t unkind or rude, she just sounded exhausted. And she was, she was so tired of people making assumptions about her based off of her family. 

Kara was taken aback. 

“If you’re uncomfortable with me being a Luthor, you can go,” she said, she wasn’t even hopeful Kara would stay. She was used to people leaving because she was a Luthor, she wouldn’t be surprised if Kara did the same. 

“No, it’s not that,” Kara said. “I’m just… I don’t know, I just assumed your last name was a coincidence, I never thought you were…” her voice trailed off and she closed her mouth before she could say anything that would offend Lena. 

Lena sighed and nodded. “It’s fine.”

Kara looked down at Lena, and noticed her left hand holding tightly onto her right arm. Her knuckles were white and a spot on her arm was turning red. That was when Kara realized what she was doing, she was digging her nails so deeply into her skin that it was starting to bleed.

“Lena,” she said softly and tilted her head. “What are you doing?”

“What?”

“Your arm,” Kara clarified. “You’re bleeding,” she whispered.

“Oh I- it’s just something I do when I-- to calm myself down somehow,” she explained, as if it was nothing to think about. As if it didn’t matter. 

“Lena, you’re hurting yourself,” Kara reached out and gently took ahold of Lena’s wrist. She pulled it away from her arm and gave her hand a small squeeze. 

“It’s fine, Kara,” Lena insisted. 

Kara just sighed in response. She would talk to Lena about that later, for now she needed to do everything she could to make sure Lena was okay. Once she had really calmed down, Kara could try to find a way to help her.

“Do you want me to give you a ride home? You probably shouldn’t be sitting on the floor, it’s really gross,” she offered with a smile. 

Lena shook her head sadly. “I yelled at my roommate. I don’t think she wants to see me right now,” she said and exhaled. 

“You can come back to my dorm if you’d like,” Kara suggested. 

“Are you sure?” Lena asked, Kara simply nodded in response. “Thank you. But… can we-- can we wait a few more minutes? I just-- the room hasn’t stopped spinning yet and I feel like if I get up I- I’ll faint or something.” 

After ten minutes of sitting and Lena explaining to Kara what happened during her panic attack, though she kept denying it actually being a panic attack, they finally left the bathroom stall. Once Lena’s breathing finally evened out and her hands stopped shaking, Kara helped her stand up and walk out of the bathroom. Lena leaned almost all on her and Kara wrapped her arm around Lena’s waist so she could guide her out of the building safely without Lena completely collapsing. She held onto her tightly and helped her into the car where Lena fell limply into her seat. When they arrived at Kara’s dorm, she practically had to carry Lena up to her room. She guided Lena over to her bed and they sat down side by side. 

“How do you feel?” Kara asked. 

Lena shrugged. “I’m fine.”

Kara was skeptical, but didn’t want to push her right now. Lena had had a hard day, and Kara didn’t want make it any worse. 

“I’m going to order Chinese food, do you want anything?” Kara asked and picked up her phone.

Lena shrugged once more. “I’m not hungry.”

“Are you sure? Because I should warn you, I don’t share food,” Kara said completely seriously, which made Lena laugh. 

Lena nodded with a small smile. “It’s fine, I don’t want anything.” 

Kara nodded and typed out her order, making sure to order an extra order of potstickers for Lena, just incases. She didn’t care if she had to feed her herself, Lena needed to eat, and she was going to make sure she did. Once she was done, she sat back down on her bed next to Lena. 

“He wasn’t always bad, you know,” Lena said, to nobody in particular. 

“What?”

“Lex, he wasn’t always bad,” she clarified. “I used to play chess with him when I was younger. Of course, I used to have to let him win though, he was an incredibly sore loser,” she smiled and looked down at her lap. 

“I can’t imagine you letting somebody win,” Kara said with a small chuckle. 

Lena shrugged. “I dumbed myself down so that he would like me I guess,” she admitted. “Then when I got older I-- I wanted to be an engineer,” she said bashfully. “I used to invent stuff… just… little things. I mean, I was like twelve, so I guess it was nothing too impressive. I would work on them for days, making sure they were absolutely perfect before I showed him.”

Kara smiled at the thought of a twelve year old Lena buried in her room, inventing little trinkets to impress her older brother. She knew Lena was very smart for her age, but was still incredibly impressed when she heard Lena actually go into depth about it. Though she somehow still managed to remain humble, which Kara possibly found most impressive of all. If she had Lena’s brains and athletic talent, she wasn't sure she would be able to keep all her brilliance inside the way Lena did. 

“I bet he was really proud of you,” she said.

Lena shook her head. “He used to say there were cute, and I should make them in pink,” she said with a scoff.

“That’s terrible,” Kara said defensively. 

Lena laughed lightly. “When I was fifteen I disconnected his car battery. I took out a bunch of wires and hid them in my closet under a bunch of old clothes. He never figured out I was the one who did it,” she said proudly. 

“Damn,” Kara breathed, slightly unsure of why hearing Lena talk like this was making her all tingly inside. 

“He never came to any of my competitions though,” she said with a sigh. “He always thought gymnastics was stupid,” she said with a humorless chuckle. 

“It’s not stupid, he just didn’t understand it,” Kara said defensively. “Gymnastics is… it’s crazy. You have to be so brave and mentally strong to do it.”

When that didn’t make Lena feel better, Kara added “he probably wouldn’t have been able to handle it.” Which made her smile. But the moment was over as soon as it began.

“I was in boarding school when he went insane,” Lena’s face fell. “It was my senior year and I-- I was seventeen. I skipped tenth grade so I- I was younger than everyone. After it happened, I stopped competing. I missed six months of practice because I just-- all of my teammates hated me. They-- they were like my sisters and they-- they hated me. I didn’t- I didn’t even have Sam because she was sent home when she got pregnant,” she rambled. “It wasn’t until I came here and I-- Sam let me move into her apartment and I-- I finally started to move on. But I- I guess I’m still not over it.”

Kara swallowed her nerves and inched closer to Lena. She placed a gentle hand on Lena’s knee and with her free arm, she draped it over Lena’s shoulder. 

“Lena, an awful thing happened, you don’t have to move on right away. These things take time. You have every right to be upset,” she said reassuringly. She took her hand off of Lena’ knee and took Lena’s hand in her own. 

Lena sighed as she leaned into Kara’s embrace and rested her head on Kara’s shoulder. “Yeah, I guess.” 

Kara placed her head on top of Lena’s and exhaled. Lena reached for the hand draped over her shoulder and held onto it tightly. 

“I think… when I do start to accept it and I-- I start to really feel again I- I’m going to be very afraid… of the person I might be,” she said softly. 

“You don’t have to be afraid,” Kara whispered and pressed her forehead to Lena’s. “I’m right here and I- I’m not going anywhere.”

Lena bit her lip and her eyes filled with tears. All of this was still so new to her. She’d never had someone like Kara before. Someone who stayed by her, no matter how hard she tried to push them away. Someone who made her feel like she was more than a Luthor, and didn’t leave her when they figured out who she really was. But more importantly, somebody who stood by her side, no matter what. Nobody had ever made her feel the way Kara did, like she was safe. Like she was loved.

“Promise?” 

“I will always be be your friend, and I will always protect you. I promise.” Kara reassured her. 

Lena’s chest tightened at the words. She would always be her  _ friend _ . Just a friend. Nothing more, just  _ friends _ . Lena closed her eyes and felt a lone tear make its way down her cheek. She shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up when she knew she was just going to be let down. Kara was her friend, and that was all she would ever be. She should’ve been happy, her entire life she’d been a social pariah, her friends were always her teammates, and even they hated her at times. She was lucky to have Kara as a friend, she shouldn’t be feeling sorry for herself when she knew nothing more was ever going to happen. Nothing more was  _ ever _ going to happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the ending kinda hurt but it'll get better, I promise. So I don't know how much I'll get to write this week because I'm supposed to be spending the holidays with my family so I worked really hard on finishing this today.  
> Merry Christmas, happy belated Hanukkah and happy New Year everyone!! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara spontaneously takes Lena out for coffee at Noonans. She also invites her to game night with Alex and Maggie, where Maggie quickly picks up on her feelings for Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't revise this much because I have no will power whatsoever so I'm very sorry if it's sloppy and hard to read. But, I haven't uploaded in a few days and I felt guilty so I guess a mediocre chapter is better than no chapter at all. Hopefully my next one will be better.

Kara took a deep breath and held her hand up, ready to knock on the door of Lena’s apartment. It was Sunday, the one day a week she had off of practice, and she’d finally started taking Kara’s advice and been using it for rest. Kara had noticed she’d even been consistently going to physical therapy, which she was very happy about. However, even though Lena was making progress, Kara had been keeping a close eye on her during practice, and making sure she didn’t over do herself. After her panic attack, Kara had just felt extra protective over her. But surprisingly, Lena had been letting herself take it easy and was following Kara’s instructions. She now seemed to hang onto her every word, and always did exactly what she was told. Kara wasn’t sure where this turn around had come from, but she was happy about it. If Lena continued like this, she hoped her shoulder would be better in a matter of days. She was also ecstatic about the fact that she was _finally_ becoming her friend, something that had seemed impossible just weeks ago.

However, even though they were becoming closer, Kara was still nervous about what she was going to do. She wanted to take Lena out to coffee at Noonan’s. She knew it wasn’t a big deal. Friends did spur of the moment things all the time. _Kara_ did spur of the moment things with her friends all the time. But it was different with Lena. She wasn’t quite sure how Lena would react to spontaneity. She didn’t want to ruin the friendship that had just began to blossom. She held her hand up once more and reminded herself there would be nothing to ruin if she didn’t try to strengthen their friendship first. She took a deep breath and held it before swallowing her pride and knocking on the door.

A woman with brown wavy hair opened the door. She was holding a toddler on her hip, and looked confused at Kara’s presence.

“Uh hey,” Kara stammered and waved awkwardly. “I-- I’m Kara.”

The woman nodded slowly, she almost looked confused. “Kara, like student coach Kara?” She asked.

Kara nodded with a smile. “Yup.”

“Is uh-- is Lena here?” She asked and smiled, which she hoped would ease the tenseness between them.

The woman nodded, she looked as if she were trying to piece together a complicated puzzle and just couldn’t get it right. “Yeah, one second.” She replied.

She turned around and called out Lena’s name. Within seconds, Lena appeared at the door and when she saw it was Kara, she practically physically pushed her roommate away. She closed the door and stepped into the hall with Kara and smiled at her.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asked cheerily, a side of her Kara wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen before. “Sorry about Sam, she’s my roommate and she--” Lena paused when she realized she couldn’t tell Kara that Sam had seemed so confused because she’d only ever heard Lena complain about her. “You know what, never mind.” She said hastily.

“What are you doing here?” She asked with a smile.

“I was wondering if you’d want to go to Noonan’s with me, to get coffee or something,” Kara suggested with a grin.

Lena hesitated and fiddled with her fingers for a minute before answering. “I-- uh-- yeah I- I’d love to,” she said shakily, genuinely surprised that Kara had just offered to hang out with her, even though she was under no obligation whatsoever.

“Really?” Kara asked and smiled brightly, clearly overjoyed at Lena’s response.

Lena nodded with a soft smile. “Of course.”

When they arrived at Noonan’s, they took their seats in the same booth they had taken the first time they’d ever hung out together. Kara ordered a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and marshmallows, which Lena laughed at because it was nearly eighty degrees outside. Lena opted for a small, black iced coffee. She fidgeted with her fingers as Kara spoke to her and felt her heart tighten every time Kara said her name. But each time she felt herself get warm and fuzzy inside because of the girl in front of her, she couldn’t help but feel guilty.

She knew Kara would never return her feelings, and she almost felt like she was taking advantage of her. Kara was a good person, and a good friend. It wasn’t fair to Kara to hang around her and pretend like her-- whatever she was feeling, wasn’t eating away at her. However, at the same time, Lena had grown to value Kara’s friendship very highly. And even though being around Kara and pushing down everything she felt for her was causing so much pain, she wasn’t sure what she would do without her friend.

“You look really pretty,” Kara commented unexpectedly.

“What?”

Kara shrugged and blushed. “You just-- you look really pretty today. Well y- you always look pretty but you just look _really_ pretty today,” she stammered.

Lena smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Oh… thank you.” She looked down at her lap and hoped Kara didn’t notice the blush that was creeping up onto her cheeks.

But it didn’t take long before she started to feel an uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. This was all so wrong, Kara deserved a real friend, not one who secretly liked her.  If she just told herself to stop, if she could somehow turn off those feelings momentarily, or forever, maybe everything between her and Kara would be okay. If she could just put those feelings into the tiny little boxes that littered her mind and pushed them down so far she forgot they even existed, she would be able to stay Kara’s friend. And she wouldn’t have to worry about taking advantage of Kara, or lying to her, which is what she felt like she was doing now.

“Hey, so my sister’s coming to visit this weekend and we were gonna have a game night just like we used to back home, would you want to come hang out with us? You can play on my team,” Kara said with a smile and took a sip of her hot chocolate.

She bit her lip and averted Kara’s gaze. She was having an unexplainable hard time turning her feelings off. “Are you sure?” Lena asked, and Kara nodded eagerly. “I mean she’s your family, I’m sure she’d much rather want to hang out with you than me.”

“Y- you don’t have to come if you want, I’ve just-- I’ve told her a lot about you and I’m sure she’d love to meet you. But I understand if you don’t want to come,” Kara said shakily and gave a small smile.

Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and Lena couldn’t possibly imagine saying no to her no.

“And it’ll be on a Sunday, so you won’t have practice,” Kara added.

Lena nodded slowly. “You’re sure you’re okay with me coming?” She asked.

Kara nodded happily. “Of course I want you there, you’re my friend, Lee.”

Lena wasn’t sure where her new nick name had come from, but she liked it. It made her feel connected to Kara in a way.

That next Sunday, Lena found herself more stressed than usual, but not for her normal reasons. She threw out ever item of clothing from her dresser onto the floor then looked at it and groaned. After complaining to Sam about how she had nothing to wear and was going to look ugly in front of Kara, Sam helped her place together a comfortable but not too casual and still cute outfit. She didn’t even question why Lena was getting so worked up about game night. Ever since the first time Lena had ranted to her about Kara, she’d suspected Lena’s minor obsession with her was something more than met the eye.

When Lena arrived at Kara’s sisters hotel, she was overcome with nerves. What if Kara’s sister hated her? She would surely tell Kara. What if Kara ended up hating her after this? What if when Kara told her that she’d told her sister about her, she meant she’d told the bad stuff, like how disrespectful she had been when they first met? She was starting to feel like nothing good could come from this. She was almost considering texting Kara to tell her she had the flu and couldn’t make it than ask Sam to come pick her up. She had her phone in her hand, ready to type the message out, but her plan was ruined when she saw Kara walking down the hallway in her direction.

“Hey, Lee,” she called out and waved. She jogged over to Lena with a huge grin.

“I was just getting pizza,” she said, gesturing to the two boxes of pizza she was impressively holding in one arm.

They walked inside the hotel room side by side and set the pizza’s down on the coffee table. Kara turned to a woman with short dark hair and squealed in excitement as they hugged.

“Alex, oh my God I’ve missed you so much,” she said as she sunk into her sister’s embrace.

She pulled away and hugged the other woman and kissed her on the cheek. Lena stood in the corner awkwardly and shifted her weight on her heels. She fiddled with her thumbs and looked down at the ground, feeling very out of place.

Kara took a step back from the woman then took a hold of Lena’s wrist and gently pulled her into the group.

“Guys, this is Lena,” she said with a smile. “Lena, this is my sister Alex and her girlfriend Maggie.”

Lena smiled and politely shook both of their hands. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you both,” she said, with a sense of maturity none of them had ever seen from a college student.

“I actually need to go. I bought Chinese food and I think my orders ready,” Kara said and showed everyone the message on her phone. “I’ll be right back.”

Lena almost offered to go with her. She knew sitting with Kara’s sister and her girlfriend was without a doubt going to be very awkward, and she would’ve done anything to get out of it. But Kara was out of the door before she could even open her mouth.

Lena took a deep breath and smiled awkwardly. “So you too are together?” She asked.

Alex nodded with a smile and took Maggie’s hand in her own. “Yeah, for almost a year now.”

Maggie grinned and kissed Alex on the cheek.

“And Kara… she’s okay with it?” Lena asked slowly.

“She’s fine with it. Do _you_ have a problem with it?” Maggie asked defensively and took a step towards Lena, who nervously stepped backwards.

Lena shook her head. “No-- o- of course not, I don’t I just-- I don’t know-- I- I’m sorry,” she stuttered. “D- does your mom know?”

Alex nodded slowly. She wasn’t sure if she should be mad or offended by Lena’s words or if something else was going on that she was completely unaware of.

“Yes, she’s aware. And she’s okay with it too.” Alex responded. “Every time she sees us she’ll ask when she’s getting grand babies, so I think she’s a little more than okay with it,” she added with a small chuckle.

“Oh- that’s… that’s good,” Lena said softly.

She inhaled sharply and dug her fingernails into her palm to calm her nerves. But Kara saved her from the awkward situation by re-entering with a bag of Chinese takeout. Lena let out a shaky breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in.

They gathered around the coffee table and ate potstickers and pizza. Well, Kara, Maggie, and Alex ate. Lena politely declined any food she was offered. But just as promised, she played for Kara’s team on every game. Sometimes Kara would mindlessly wrap her arm around Lena protectively or hug her in excitement. It didn’t go unnoticed by Alex nor Maggie how comfortable Lena seemed in Kara’s embrace, or how it almost looked like she missed Kara’s touch when she pulled away.

When game night came to a close, Maggie pulled Lena aside while Alex talked to Kara.

“When you asked about Alex and I earlier, I don’t mean to overstep but, do you like Kara?” Maggie asked as gracefully as possible.

“W- what? No, o- of course not. She-- she’s my friend but I-- that’s it,” Lena stammered, but it was very unconvincing.

Maggie sighed. “You sure?”

Lena nodded anxiously. “I mean I--” she drew in a breath and took a minute to compose herself. “You know what i-- it doesn’t matter, never mind just-- forget I said anything.”

“Lena, it’s okay. What is it?” Maggie lowered her voice and placed a reassuring hand on Lena’s shoulder. But Lena pulled away almost instantly at the contact. Maggie awkwardly brought her hand back down and folded her arms across her chest.

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t like Kara,” Lena stated flatly. She pursed her lips into a tight line to hide her frown. Her face paled. “But even if I did, nothing would ever happen,” she said quietly.

“Why not? Why wouldn’t anything happen?”

Lena sighed and looked down at her shoes.

“Because nothing can ever happen. It just-- it can’t.”

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Nothing can-- nothing will  _ever_ happen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you guys liked this chapter. I had a lot of trouble with it and dealt with a lot of writers block so I'm really sorry if it's kind all over the place. I'll try to post another one by the end of the week.  
> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara confronts Lena as she's under the assumption Lena was homophobic to her sister and Maggie.  
> Possible TW: Self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't hate this which is kinda wild because I literally hate everything I write. So I hope you guys don't hate it too, and if it does actually suck and I just overestimated myself, I'm sorry.

“So, what did you think of Lena?” Kara asked almost left to go back to her apartment.

Maggie and Alex exchanged glances before Alex spoke up.

“She seems nice, I guess,” she said and sat down on the couch.

“That’s it?” Kara exclaimed dramatically. “Come on guys, you have to give me more than that.” She said and flopped down besides her sister.

Maggie pulled up a chair, sat down and exhaled loudly. “I don’t know Kara, what do you want to hear?” But Kara simply shrugged in response and gave a meek _I don’t know_.

“She seemed a little…” Maggie took a deep breath. As soon as Maggie began, Kara raised her eyebrows and her eyes widened in anticipation. Maggie sighed at Kara’s expression, she knew whatever she said would only disappoint her.

“Listen kid, I mean I liked her she just…” she sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked to Alex for help, but for once, her girlfriend stayed silent.

“There were a few things that she seemed a little…” she bit her lip and searched for the right word. “She seemed a bit… nervous… I guess.”

“What do you mean?” Kara asked defensively, she was completely ready to argue on Lena’s behalf if either Alex or Maggie had _anything_ negative to say about her at all.

“Well…” Alex drew in a breath. “The last time I heard you talk about her, you described her as a bitch who was constantly undermining your authority and didn’t respect you whatsoever. And I’ll admit, when I first met her she…” she sighed when she noticed Kara shifting from side to side uncomfortably. She looked offended, even though Alex knew she had said nothing to offend Kara.

“Well that-- that was before I really knew her. Y- you just have to get to know her and she-- she’s really great,” Kara cut in.

Alex nodded. “After a while I started to like her. She just… I don’t know, she seems very anxious,” she explained as sensitive as possible.

“Yeah, she’s like a chihuahua,” Maggie interjected with a smile, which earned her a playful punch in the arm from Alex.

“Hey, not helping,” she scolded before turning back to Kara. “She just seemed nervous I guess.”

Kara furrowed her brow, a small crease appeared between her eyes. “I mean, I guess she did seem a _little_ nervous, but I don’t think it was too noticeable.”

Alex shook her head and sighed. “I don’t know she just… it was almost like she was stressed out about there. She kind of looked like she was scared of Maggie and I.”

“Why would she be scared of you?” Kara asked.

Alex sighed and looked over at Maggie before speaking. “I think it might’ve been because we’re gay.”

“What?” Kara stood up angrily. “That’s insane, Lena isn’t homophobic.”

Alex and Maggie exchanged sad glances and Maggie just shrugged. “I don’t-- I think you should talk to her.”

 

About an hour later, Kara was sitting on her bed in her dorm when there was a knock on her door. When she opened it, she saw a very concerned looking Lena. Her arms were folded over her chest protectively and her cheeks were bright pink. If Kara didn’t know any better, she would’ve assumed Lena had ran straight to her dorm room from her apartment.

“Hey, you said- you said you wanted to talk, what’s going on?” She asked and stepped inside of the dorm.

Kara took a deep breath and shook out her palms nervously. She really didn’t want to confront Lena about this, but Alex meant the world to her. She would do anything for her sister, even if it meant a very awkward conversation with the girl she was now starting to consider her best friend. But, she couldn’t stay friends with someone who was discriminatory against people just for loving the same gender. Love was something that couldn’t be controlled. It had no limits and no bounds, it just was. If Lena didn’t understand that, she wasn’t sure if they could maintain anything other than a gymnast/coach relationship.

Kara took a deep breath before speaking and put her hands in her pockets nervously.

“I was talking to Alex and she said… she said you said something about her being gay,” she blurted out. If she didn’t say it now, she never would.

“Wait wha- what? That’s not what happened,” Lena said defensively. “I didn’t-- I- I wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Lena, I know my sister. She wouldn’t lie about this.”

“I swear, I didn’t say anything offensive, o- or at least I didn’t try to say anything offensive.”

Kara sighed and took a step back from Lena, not fully convinced. Lena felt tears well up in her eyes. She knew she shouldn’t have said anything. She should’ve stopped thinking about Kara in that way. She knew it would only drive them apart. But this was worse, she would’ve rather had Kara think she were some kind of predator than think of her as some sort of hateful homophobic bigot.

“You know I’m bisexual, right?” Kara asked.

Lena inhaled sharply and shook her head. _Maybe I do have chance with her_. But she shut down the voice in her head that was feeding her meaningless hope. Just because Kara liked girls didn’t mean she liked Lena.

“N- no. I… I didn’t know,” she whispered and looked at the ground, somehow feeling even more guilty than she had already been.

“If you’re not okay with that than I-- I don’t think we should be friends,” Kara said sternly yet softly.

“I-- I don’t have a problem with it,” she said and took a step towards Kara. “I-- I would never… ” her voice faded out.

Lena looked up and shook her head, the tears were threatening to spill. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She hugged herself tightly and dug her fingernails into her arm. She just needed it all to stop. It was too much, it needed to stop so she could breathe again. So she could collect her thoughts, or maybe stop thinking at all, even if just for a second. She needed to stop feeling so damn much so she could focus on the problem at hand.

She gasped for air, but her lungs rejected the atmosphere around her. Lena stumbled backwards and almost expected Kara to follow her, to make sure she was okay, but she made no such move.

“I…” she breathed. She wanted to say something, but she wasn’t sure how to say the one thing she really wanted Kara to know.

All her life, Lena’s mother, Lillian, had enforced the idea of what she was supposed to be. And that was perfect. She had to be smart and cunning, she had to know how to get what she wanted. She wasn’t just expected to get straight A’s in school, anything below a ninety five wasn’t tolerated. The same rules applied in gymnastics. Lena won almost every competition she attended. She trained extra hours so she could be better than everyone, especially the girls on her own team. It wasn’t because she wanted to be the best, it was because that was what Lillian expected of her. Over time, Lillian’s teachings, along with the fear of failure, became engraved in her brain. She had to be everything that was expected of her, or she would be letting everyone around her down. After Lex dragged the Luthor name through the gutter, it was her job to make up for it by finding a way to please as many people as she possibly could. And being what everyone wanted her to be didn’t include being gay. Lena had no problem with gay people, she supported them and she was inspired by their strength. But she just couldn’t allow herself to be gay. Lillian would kill her, Lena would never be able make up for it. She had to push down her feelings for Kara so she could please her mother and everyone around her. They were just feelings after all, nothing that couldn’t be ignored or disposed of.

“Kara… i- it’s not that,” she whispered.

Kara sighed and looked back up at Lena. “Than what’s going on?” She asked. “Because I-- I can’t do this. You’re my friend Lena but if you have a problem with me being bi, or my sister being gay than I-- I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”

Lena bit her lip nervously. These feelings clearly weren’t allowing themselves to be pushed down. But she had to keep trying, or she would ruin her friendship with Kara altogether.

“Kara please,” she said quietly. “You just-- you don’t understand.”

“Than tell me,” Kara said firmly. “Tell me because I want to be your friend, but not like this.”

“I think there’s-- I think there’s something wrong w- with me,” Lena said quietly, her raspy voice was barely above a whisper.

“What is it?” Kara asked and tilted her head, suddenly very sympathetic. She took a step towards Lena and placed a hand on her arm, forgetting for a minute that Lena almost always reacted negatively to physical contact.

Lena tensened at the touch, but she didn’t pull away like she normally did.

“I can’t… I can’t say it,” she mumbled and looked down at the ground.

Kara inhaled sharply, she was overcome with fear. What could be so bad that she couldn’t say out loud, but was clearly eating away at her?

“Lena, what’s going on?” Kara asked nervously.

Lena took a deep breath and looked up at Kara, her eyes full of tears. “I can’t-- i- if I said it they-- they’d hate me,” she said, her voice broke.

Kara sighed and took another step towards Lena. “Who would hate you?” She asked softly.

“My mother… everyone,” she said and bit her lip. “And y- you’ll only be mad at me if I tell you.”

“Why would I be mad?”

Lena exhaled and blinked back her tears. “Because y- you’ll think I’m a hateful person and I-- I swear, I am not.”

“I don’t think that,” Kara reassured her. “What happened with Alex-- I’m sure it was probably just a misunderstanding and I guess it would just be a lot more clear if you explained what happened. Just tell me what’s going on, and I’m sure I’ll understand.”

Lena sighed and nodded. “There’s nothing wrong with Alex and Maggie being gay,” she began, her voice was small and shaky. “And there’s nothing wrong with you being bisexual.”

Kara nodded with a small smile. “Than what is it?” She asked.

Lena’s bottom lip quivered, though she wanted to tell Kara because she knew Kara could help, she was too scared. Too scared of the person she might be if she allowed herself to be okay with who she really was. She was on a gymnastics team, she was constantly surrounded in girls wearing nothing but their leotards. If Miss. Val found out, she would be kicked off. If the girls found out, they’d all hate her. Or worse, they’d be scared of her.

Kara looked down at Lena’s arm and noticed she was still digging her nails into her skin. She placed a hand over Lena’s and gently pulled Lena’s hand away from her arm. Lena looked up at Kara with wide eyes, but she didn’t run backwards like Kara thought she would.

“You need to stop doing this to yourself, Lee,” she said softly.

“It… I just do it to calm myself down,” Lena said quietly, her voice was full of shame.

Kara sighed and nodded. “I know, but you can’t keep hurting yourself. It’s not healthy.”

She guided Lena over to her bed and sat down beside her. “Can you please just… just tell me what’s going on? Because I know you aren’t homophobic and what you said to Alex-- that wasn’t you, I know you Lena, and you’re better than that. I just need to know _why_ , why is all this happening?”

Lena took a deep breath. “You promise, you won’t tell anyone?” She asked.

Kara nodded nervously. She wasn’t sure what Lena was going to tell her, but she was sure it couldn’t be good. Her mind immediately started going to the darkest places. What if Lena wanted to hurt herself? What if Lena _had_ hurt herself?

“I don’t think it’s wrong that you’re bisexual or that your sister’s gay,” Lena began. She took a deep breath. Her heart was racing inside her chest, she was worried that Kara could hear it, it was beating so loudly. “I think it’s wrong that I-- that I might be gay.”

She looked up at Kara, her big green eyes were filled with tears once more.

“Why would it be wrong?” Kara asked, genuinely confused. “There’s _nothing_ wrong with you being gay.”

Lena frowned and her chin quivered. “Because I-- I can’t be. Everyone will hate me,” her voice broke and a tear unwillingly made its way down her cheek.

“I don’t hate you,” Kara said softly and gave her hands a small squeeze. “And I don’t think anyone else will.”

Lena shook her head sadly. “My mother will.”

“Why?”

“She just… nothing I do for her is good enough. I-- I’m a disappointment,” Lena cried quietly.

Before Kara could reassure her, Lena cut her off.

“Hell, Lex is in _jail_ and she’s prouder of him then she’ll ever be of me,” she said with a scoff and rolled her eyes.

“Lena,” Kara looked Lena dead in the eye. “You are _not_ a disappointment, you’re amazing,” she said softly, but Lena just shook her head.

“Lena you’re the most incredible person I know.”

Lena shook her head once more. “Kara, please… please don’t say that,” she said as fresh tears fell.

“Why not? It’s all true,” Kara asked.

Lena sighed and looked down at her lap.

“Because it’ll make it so much harder for me to stop loving you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm kinda very excited about the ending because oh my goodness it's so gay! I really hope you liked this because I was really excited to post it, so I hope you guys don't hate it.  
> Comments and feedback are appreciated :)  
> Byeee


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena freaks out and leaves Kara alone and confused. She cries to Sam about everything that's happened. Eventually, when she's left to her own devices, she drinks away her sorrows, which is when Kara finds her and takes care of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Before you read chapter twelve I just wanted to say thank you so so so much for all the support on my last chapter, and on all the others before that. I know I don't say it enough but I'm so freaking grateful for everyone that's read this and left a comment or kudos. Your comments and knowing that you guys are reading/enjoying this story make me so happy and motivate me to keep writing more even when I really hate this story. So thank you!!

“Because it’ll make it so much harder for me to stop loving you.” Lena cried out. 

As soon as the words graced her lips and she realized what she’d said, her eyes widened and she clamped a hand over a mouth. The thoughts ran through her head a mile a minute, and they didn’t seem to show signs of ever stopping. 

_ Way to scare her off, Lena. Great, if she didn’t hate you before, she surely hates you now. What would Lillian say about all this? She’d be very disappointed.  _

Kara was quiet which couldn’t be a good sign. Kara was never silent, she always had an opinion, she always had something to say. Her silence made Lena regret what she’d said even more than she was already hating herself for it. She’d ruined everything, she’d ruined the friendship she’d come to love so much. And not only that, but she’d ruined any chance she’d ever had at a real relationship with Kara. Relationships were supposed to start with a first date, not with someone confessing their love, especially not the way Lena had done it. 

“You love me?” Kara’s voice was barely audible. 

Lena gave a small nod in response. “I’m so sorry,” she cried. 

“Wha-- what? Wh- why are you sorry?” Kara stuttered and placed two caring hands on Lena’s arms. Her voice was soft and kind, but it didn’t make Lena feel any better. All she could think about was how Kara would probably never want to see her again. 

Lena inhaled sharply and shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she repeated weakly. “I- I ruined everything,” she breathed. “I-- I’m so sorry please just--” she stood up and backed away from Kara. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, just forget I said anything, p- please,” she cried. 

Kara stood up and took a deep breath. She braced herself for rejection before speaking. “Did you mean it?” She asked. 

“What?” 

“When you said you love me, did you mean it?” She asked and held her breath as she awaited Lena’s response. 

Lena averted Kara’s gave and nodded. She couldn’t bare to see the look on her face, she knew Kara was only going to reject her, she just hoped she would do it quickly, because maybe that would hurt less. 

“You meant it?” Kara breathed in amazement. 

But Lena didn’t realize her reaction came from a place of happiness, and interpreted it as Kara taunting her like she’d expected it. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to breathe. She just couldn’t take it. The room was spinning and she still needed everything to just  _ stop _ . She hugged herself tightly again and wished she could disappear. But when she opened her eyes, Kara was still standing in front of her, waiting for an answer. 

“Yes, I meant it, okay,” she practically yelled. “And I-- I’m sorry and I-- I can try-- I can try to stop but I--”

“Lena!” Kara cut her off. 

Lena stopped talking immediately and looked up at Kara with tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

“Lena, you have nothing to be sorry for,” she said and reached for Lena’s arm, but Lena yanked her arm away, just as she always did. 

“Please don’t touch me,” her voice was shaky. 

Kara stepped back, utterly confused. She folded her arms over her chest and tried to figure out why Lena was still so upset. Of course, she wasn’t too sure of her feelings for Lena, but she knew she wanted something with her. Something deeper than a friendship. She knew if Lena was willing to start a relationship, than she was too. But she didn’t understand why Lena was now so anxious around her. 

“It-- it’s just,” Lena looked around the dorm and gasped for air. “It’s too much.”

Kara wanted to take a step forward and ask if there was anything she could do to help, she wanted to be Lena’s shoulder to cry on, or offer her a hug if she needed one. But she knew that would probably only freak Lena out even more. 

“I-- I-- c- can I go home now?” Lena asked shakily. “I-- I’m sorry… p- please can I go home?” 

Kara bit her lip and nodded, her eyes filled with tears. She felt like a monster, she’d trapped Lena in her dorm and now she was begging her to leave. She looked down at the ground and out of the corner of her eye she saw Lena turn around and all but run out of her room. She was gone, and Kara wasn’t sure if she’d ever come back. 

 

Lena wasn’t quite sure how she ended up back in her apartment, but before she knew it she was crying to Sam about Kara for what seemed like the millionth time. The two of them sat on the couch in the living room, just like had done many times before while Lena ranted, gushed, or sobbed about Kara. This time however, Sam held Lena in her arms while she cried. She wasn’t sure why Lena was crying, but she could be sure of a few things; Lena was hurting worse than she’d ever seen before, and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever stop crying.

“I- it was so bad, Sam,” she sobbed into Sam’s shirt. 

Sam just nodded and proceeded to rub soothing circles on Lena’s back. She didn’t ask what was wrong, because even though she did want to know. She knew it would only make things worse. She knew now was not the time to push, and maybe when Lena calmed down, then she could ask her about what happened.

Sam was the only person Lena trusted to be with when she was this upset, she was the only person that knew how to help her start to feel better without completely imploding on herself. 

“Sh- she hates me,” Lena cried and buried her face in Sam’s chest. “I m- mess-- I messed it a- I messed it all up.”

“Lena, I’m sure she doesn’t hate you,” Sam said and hugged Lena a little tighter. 

Lena shook her head and sniffled. “She hates me,” she mumbled, seemingly defeated. “It was all my fault.”

Sam just sighed in response. She knew if Lena thought it was her fault then nobody would convince her otherwise. She was very stubborn, and once she made up her mind, it was normally set for good. But it couldn’t hurt to try. 

“You don’t have to if you’re not ready, but can you tell me what happened? I don’t think this is your fault Lena, it was probably just a misunderstanding,” she said. 

Lena slowly pulled away from Sam and wiped her eyes. She exhaled and looked down at her lap. “She think I’m homophobic,” she mumbled.

“What?” Sam exclaimed. “Lena, what the hell? Where would she get that idea from?” 

Lena just shook her head sadly and gave a small shrug. “I-- I told her I wasn’t,” she muttered. “And w- when I did I-- I said something I-- something I shouldn’t have b- because n- now…” Lena’s bottom lip began to quiver and she frowned at Sam. “Now she hates me,” she said and began to cry once more. 

Sam sighed and pulled Lena close to her once more. She held onto her hand, which Lena squeezed onto tightly. It got a little irritating after a while, but it was a compromise they’d made. Lena squeezed Sam’s hand for as long and as tightly as she needed, and it would stop her from hurting herself. 

“N- now she knows that-- that I’m…” Lena’s voice trailed off, and she didn’t make any effort to finish her sentence. She physically deflated against Sam, who just sighed and shook her head. Maybe she should’ve listened when Lena told her Kara was a bitch, because only a really terrible person could get her this upset.

“Lena, I’m so sorry,” she apologized. 

Lena bit her lip and snuggled up closer to Sam. “It’s not your fault. It’s just now she k- knows-- she knows I-- I’m…” she bit her lip and stopped talking. 

“She knows that you’re what?” Sam prompted, nervous to what Lena would say in response. 

“I-- can I not say?” Lena asked quietly. 

Sam nodded and smiled softly at her. “Of course.” 

She rested her head atop Lena’s and sighed. She mumbled a few apologies but refrained from telling Lena it would all be okay. Sure, she knew that everything would probably work itself out within a matter of days or weeks, but telling Lena that would only get her even more worked up and stressed out than she already was. So she continued to hold Lena, until she eventually fell asleep in Sam’s arms. 

 

Later that day, Sam took Ruby to a friends house, leaving Lena all alone. She was hesitant about leaving her friend in her distressed state, but trusted Lena not to do anything too stupid, and knew she could always just call or text her if she was worried. 

However, soon after Sam left, Lena unsurprisingly started drinking. She hadn’t intended to get drunk, maybe just a little tipsy. Enough so that she’d get that numb feeling in her head and hopefully start to forget why she’d even started drinking in the first place. She didn’t care that she had practice at eight the next morning and that she was going to have to push through, despite her inevitably terrible hangover. She just needed everything to stop, and she didn’t care what the cost was. 

Before she knew it, she’d pretty much finished an entire bottle of tequila, and was searching for a second. In midst of her search, there was a knock on the door. Out of surprise, Lena carelessly swung her arm across the kitchen table and knocked the bottle over. It shattered to pieces, but she just chuckled humorlessly and stumbled over to the front door. She clumsily threw the door open, and her small smile faltered when she saw Kara standing in front of her. She felt her cheeks tighten when she remembered she was wearing the hoodie Kara had leant her after they had hung out together for the first time. 

She took a step backwards so Kara could come in and all but slammed the door shut. It wasn’t out of rage, she just currently had absolutely no control over herself or her strength. Kara jumped at the action but still stepped into the apartment, though the movement was very cautious. She looked around the apartment nervously and noticed the broken glass that covered the table and floor. 

“Lena, what happened here?” She asked and began to pick up the glass shards so Lena wouldn’t cut herself, accidentally or otherwise. 

“I made a metaphor,” she mumbled and plopped down on one of the bar stools. 

“What?” Kara asked as she threw the glass into the trash. 

“I made a  _ metaphor _ ,” Lena slurred and smiled sadly. “The glass is broken.”

Kara sighed. She knew what Lena was trying to say, the glass was broken just like she was. 

Lena began to sway back and forth on the bar stool. She wobbled from side to side and Kara grabbed onto her before she could tilt too far and fall off. 

“Hey, we’re gonna go sit on the couch now, okay?” She said with a smile. 

Lena hummed in agreement and let Kara guide her into the living room, almost tripping over her own feet multiple times. 

She collapsed onto the couch and Kara sat down next to her. To Kara’s surprise, Lena curled up against her and began mindlessly twirling her blonde hair around her finger. Kara sighed and let Lena play with her hair and snuggle into her. Lena appeared to be somewhat happy, and she didn’t want to ruin it. As long as Lena was content, that was what mattered. 

“I came to apologize,” Kara said softly. 

Lena murmured something indistinguishable and nodded against Kara’s chest. 

“That’s a good idea,” she mumbled and continued to wrap Kara’s hair around her finger tips. 

“I’m so sorry Lena, for everything that happened. I shouldn’t have accused you of being homophobic, I- I know that isn’t you,” she said honestly. “And I know you won’t remember a word I said to you in the morning,” she added with a small chuckle. “So I’ll apologize to you tomorrow again, I just… I needed you to know now.”

Lena smiled and looked up at Kara, her chin still resting on Kara’s shoulder. 

“I’m supposed to be mad at you,” she whispered with a giggle. Her breath smelled strongly of alcohol, and it made Kara cringe. But she just nodded with a small smile. 

“I know, and I get it if you’re mad,” she said. 

Lena sighed and buried her face in the crook of Kara’s neck. “I should be mad,” she muttered. She held onto Kara’s arm tightly as if it were some sort of pillow or stuffed animal. “But I’m not,” she whispered. 

“You’re not?” Kara repeated quietly. 

Lena thought about it for a minute before picking her head up and shaking it as if to say  _ no _ . “I… I’m just scared,” her voice was barely audible, but it made Kara’s heart tighten. She wasn’t sure what to think at the prospect of Lena being scared of her, it was so much worse than her just being angry. 

“Not of you,” she clarified. 

Kara breathed a sigh of relief at Lena’s response. But she let go of her worries too soon, which she instantly regretted when she heard Lena speak again. 

“Of….” she dragged the word out and spun her finger around before pressing in to her chest. “Myself,” she slurred. 

She leaned back against Kara and proceeded to twirl Kara’s hair around her fingers again. She closed her eyes and felt around for Kara’s hand. She dropped her hair she’d been holding onto and grabbed ahold of Kara’s upper arm and hugged it close to her. She then rested her head against Kara’s shoulder and hummed to herself. 

“I don’t…” her voice was small and weak, and it made Kara’s heart break. “I don’t know who I am.”

Kara drew circles on Lena’s palm with her thumb in hope it would help to calm her down. Lena exhaled and snuggled closer to Kara. 

“I-- if I r- really am what I-- what I think I am then…” her voice faded out and she kept her eyes closed. “And it’s all-- it’s so scary.”

Kara sighed and nodded. “I know, I know,” she she said softly. 

Lena opened her eyes and looked up at Kara. She stared at her momentarily, her eyes were wide and filled with fresh tears, but she didn’t allow herself to cry. She slowly backed away from Kara as she became aware of their close proximity and inhaled sharply. 

“I know that you think everything is good and kind in this world and that-- that is one of the things I--” she stopped herself and bit her lip. “But it’s not like that.” 

“This world isn’t shiny and happy and loving like you think it is,” she said coldly. “In the real world, my last name is Luthor and I hurt everything I touch.” 

Kara shook her head and reached for Lena’s hand. But Lena regained some of her consciousness and pulled her hand away habitually. “That’s not true,” she contradicted. 

“I hurt you,” Lena’s voice broke and her eyes sparkled with tears. “And if my-- if my mother ever found out about-- about who I am,” she scoffed and smiled, but the gesture was completely empty. 

“But you have me,” Kara said optimistically. “And Sam, and I’m sure if you met Alex and Maggie again they’d love you.”

Lena didn’t bother to respond. She didn’t force a smile and nod, nor did she insist that she had nobody by her side. She just stayed silent and stared ahead of her. They sat like that, still and silent, until eventually Lena fell asleep in Kara’s arms. And that was when Kara knew, that Lena’s feelings weren’t one sided at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter was really long and I'm sorry about that because it kinda drags on a little bit. I really hate the beginning because I was writing what someone else wanted to read, and not what I wanted to write so it's a lot more angsty than I would like. The middle/endings okay I guess but I'm pretty disappointed with the first half. If this was really boring, than I'm sorry I just had a lot I wanted to say I just wasn't sure how to say it. So yeah, I'm gonna stop rambling now, I hope you guys liked this chapter.   
> Comments and feedback is appreciated :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena has a hangover. Kara talks to Alex about Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when this was supposed to be two chapters? Yeah, me too.  
> To be honest, I can't really remember what happened in this chapter because I'm really out of it right now but the endings kinda good I guess?

Before she even opened her eyes, Lena was filled with regret. She wasn’t sure what she was regretting, but a throbbing headache and churning feeling in her stomach gave her a pretty good idea of some of the details. She opened her eyes just a crack but instantly closed them. The light was blinding and somehow made her headache (which she was pretty sure was now turning into a migraine) even worse, if possible. She groaned at the sharp pain and tried to remember the events from last night. She remembered crying a lot, more specifically, she remembered crying to Sam. She remembered Sam taking Ruby to see a friend. She remembered tequila. _Lots_ of tequila. But other than that, everything was blank. She remembered Kara, but she wasn’t sure what she remembered and what she’d made up. She remembered their conversation where she’d admitted she loved her then freaked out and ran away, but that was it. And quite frankly, she wished she would just forget that. She knew something else must’ve happened with Kara, she just couldn’t figure out what it was.

Slowly, she opened her eyes once more and braced herself for what was yet to come. A wave of nausea hit her in the face like a brick but she pushed through, just like she always did. She cringed when she felt bile shoot up in her throat, but she forced it back down. She carefully turned her head and saw a mop of blonde hair and Kara, who was fast asleep and quietly snoring. This time, she thought she really might throw up at the sight in front of her.

When she realized she was pretty much lying on top of Kara and it appeared they had been cuddling, she backed away as quickly as she could without being sick. She took a deep breath and tried to collect her thoughts. The only problem with that was, her thoughts raced around her head a mile a minute. She couldn’t focus on one thing when there were so many things to be worried about. And besides that, the things she needed to focus on the most (like how she ended up falling asleep, cuddled up next to Kara, _again_ ), she couldn’t seem to remember at all.

After a few minutes, Kara began to sir. She rubbed her eyes and let out a noise that sounded almost like a moan before yawning and looking up at Lena. Her eyes widened in shock and she looked around the apartment as she recalled yesterday’s events. She sat up and smiled at Lena, but it was forced and awkward.

“Hey,” she said with a small wave.

Lena squinted and brought a hand up to her forehead. “Stop yelling,” she mumbled.

She leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes. “Kara?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you make the room stop spinning?”

Kara sighed and shook her head. “I’m gonna get you a glass of water.”

Lena groaned and gave her a weak thumbs up, but she didn’t open her eyes. Kara returned momentarily with water and Tylenol and handed them both to Lena. She swallowed the pill dry and put the glass down on the coffee table. She then curled up into a ball on the couch and closed her eyes. Kara assumed she was going back to sleep, but she was really trying to figure out why Kara was in her apartment and what had happened last night.

“Lena,” Kara said and tilted her head. She took a seat on the coffee table and almost tapped her on the shoulder to wake her back up, but remembered that sober Lena wasn’t as okay with physical contact as drunk Lena was.

Lena murmured something incoherent and reluctantly opened her eyes. She turned to face Kara and scowled.  

“Lena, you should drink some water,” Kara said with a small smile. She held out the glass to Lena, who slowly sat up. She took a sip, cringed at how it made her stomach lurch, then handed it back to Kara and raised an eyebrow.

“You probably should drink it,” Kara suggested and gave the glass back to Lena. But Lena inched away from her and shook her head. Her face paled and she pursed her lips into a straight line. She looked absolutely disgusted.

“If I drink any more I’ll throw up on you,” she said flatly.

Kara nodded and sighed. “Alright, then, can we talk about what happened?”

Lena bit her lip and looked down at her lap. “I-- I don’t really know what there is to talk about,” she admitted.

She knew that wasn’t true. There was a lot she needed to talk to Kara about. She didn’t want to talk to her, but she knew she had to. She told her she loved her, and she couldn’t just take it back. She knew she’d have to face Kara at some point, but she didn’t want to do it while she was hung over and wearing Kara’s clothing.

“Lena, we can’t keep avoiding this,” Kara said softly. She leaned forward and sighed.

“I know I just don’t… I don’t want you to--” she took a deep breath and recomposed herself. She folded her arms over her stomach but refrained from pinching herself, even though she really wanted to. She knew Kara didn’t approve. So she chewed on the inside of her lip inside and looked up at her.

“I-- I’ll talk but… please, not like this,” she said shakily, her initial nerves returning as the last of her confidence from the alcohol wore off.

Kara nodded and smiled. “Tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow.”

“A-- and I was wondering, nobody's using the gym on Sunday, do you want to tumble together again? Kara asked and bit her lip.

“I’d like that,” Lena said with a grin. “If you don’t mind, c- can you go? I’m sorry it’s just that t- this is just really embarrassing for me,” Lena averted Kara’s gaze and chuckled softly. “I don’t-- I just don’t want you to see me like this,” she admitted. Her voice was soft and shaky, it almost seemed like she was scared. Kara could only hope the thing Lena was afraid of was herself.

When she got back to her dorm, she sat on her bed, lost in thought. She pulled her knees up to her chest and closed her eyes. She was lost in visions of Lena, memories of their last moments together. She thought about how Lena flinched every time she tried to touch her, and how she always apologized even when she didn’t need to as if she were scared of letting Kara down. Then she thought about all the times when she’d tried to hug Lena, or squeeze her hand, or touch her shoulder. Each time, Lena pulled away. And yet she still did it.

She lied on her back and willed herself not to cry. She kept pushing Lena’s boundaries, and she hadn’t even noticed. The whole point of coming to see her yesterday was to apologize, which she knew Lena most likely didn’t remember. She pulled out her phone and almost dialed Lena’s number to beg for forgiveness before remembering Lena had told her she didn’t want to see her, and they would talk tomorrow. So she did the next best thing. She called Alex.

“Alex, I think I fucked it all up,” she cried into the phone.

“Okay, breathe. What did you fuck up?”

Kara sighed. “Everything!” She exclaimed.

She imagined Alex shaking her head and rolling her eyes at the statement. She was probably smirking at her anxiousness and holding in a chuckle. “Kara, I love you, but you’ve gotta be more specific, okay.”

Kara nodded even though she knew Alex couldn’t see her. “With Lena, I think I fucked everything up with Lena,” she clarified.

“Oh, okay. What did you do?” Alex asked.

Kara sighed. “I think I hurt her and I-- I don’t even know what I did,” she admitted. “But I-- I must’ve done something. Or maybe it was a lot of things, I don’t know. Alex, what if I’ve just done so many things to hurt her and now I’m just starting to realize it?” She rambled.

Before she knew it, she was analyzing every interaction they’d had in the past week. What if she’d done something terrible without realizing it? Lena was always so tense, she couldn’t be sure if it was her fault or not.

“Kara, I don’t think you hurt her as badly as you think you did,” Alex said calmly. “What happened? Just tell me and I’m sure it’ll all be fine.”

Kara bit her lip and took a deep breath. “I-- I got kind of mad at her, I guess,” she began. “W- when you said she was scared of you and Maggie be- because you’re gay I got-- I was really upset.”

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She thought about how anxious Lena had gotten, and how she’d been driven to tears multiple times. It had already been terrible, but it would’ve been even worse if she was the cause of Lena getting so upset.

“I-- I confronted her about it. I thought-- I thought she was being homophobic and I-- I don’t know…” she sighed and brought her hand up to her forehead. She stood up and began to pace around her dorm nervously.

“What did you say to her?” Alex asked, her tone weary. She knew Kara was a very protective person, if she had it in her head that Lena had offended herself and Maggie, there was no telling how upset she would get. Kara loved Alex more than anything, and she would do anything for her, even yell at Lena.

“Oh no, you didn’t yell at her did you?” She asked and bit her lip, knowing very well it was a big possibility.

“Well, I… no, technically I didn’t. But I-- I accused of-- of being homophobic and I-- Oh God Alex, I ruined everything,” she said and her eyes filled with tears.

She tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling. She wasn’t sure what she would do with herself if Lena hated her now. She wouldn’t even blame her. She was starting to hate herself after everything that had happened. She was sure Alex was going to take Lena’s side too and knew that was the right thing to do.

“Kara, just calm down, okay. I’m sure you didn’t do anything that can’t be resolved,” Alex said with a sense of urgency that threw Kara off guard. She was freaking out, she needed Alex to be calm with her so that the balance of the universe would remain. Only one of them could freak out at a time when they were both panicked it was very counterproductive.

“S- she cried, Alex,” Kara exclaimed. “Like a lot! And it was my fault, she-- she was crying because I freaked her out.”

Kara anxiously brushed the hair that had fallen down by her eyes out of her face and wiped away her tears. She wouldn’t let herself cry over this. She had hurt Lena, she didn’t deserve to cry.

“N- no, Alex. Y- you don’t understand. After all that she-- the only reason she was talking to you was-- well I- I don’t know if I can tell you that. But she-- she had a reason and I freaked out on her,” Kara cried and flopped down on her bed, filled with the feeling of defeat.

Alex took a moment to think before speaking. In that time, Kara thought about game night and how anxious Lena had been. She hadn’t given it much thought before, she hadn’t even noticed Lena’s nervous behavior until Alex and Maggie pointed it out to her, but now she couldn’t stop thinking about it. She should’ve been there for her. She should’ve been her friend, she should’ve included her when it was clear Lena felt very out of place.

“Did you apologize?” Alex asked calmly.

“I was going to today. But she-- she was hungover, and she was embarrassed and she didn’t… she didn’t want me to see her. I don’t know, she was ashamed I guess. But she-- she said we could talk tomorrow and I’m going to do it then,” Kara explained.

Alex stayed silent for another moment. Kara could practically hear her thinking of the right thing to say.

“You need to tell her you’re sorry, and you need to make sure she knows that you didn’t mean to upset her. And don’t go making excuses to her, tell her you’re sorry, then listen to her. Hear her out but don’t pressure her” Alex said firmly. “But you have to understand, she might not be ready to forgive you, and that’s not your fault,” she added, her voice soft and kind.

“Kara, I don’t think you did a bad thing. You could’ve handled yourself better, yes, but your heart was in the right place. You were protecting me, and I’m sure she’ll understand that.”

Kara sighed and nodded. “I think I might’ve really hurt her,” she said, her voice was small and shaky.

She fiddled with a loose thread on her jeans and thought about Lena. Not the Lena she’d been seeing the past few days, but the Lena that was her best friend. The Lena who hated thunderstorms and was scared of lightning. The Lena who had the softest, but most beautiful laugh she’d ever heard. The Lena who could smile and light up the whole room. Or blush as red as a rose, but still look absolutely perfect. The girl who was strangely clingy when she was drunk, and seemed to love cuddling, even though when she was sober hated any and all kinds of physical contact.

“She’s just… she’s so great,” she breathed, and the ghost of a smile graced her lips at the thought of Lena laughing and grinning again. “And I-- I just want her to know how sorry I am.”

“Than tell her you're sorry,” Alex said softly.

Kara nodded. “I will.”

“And Kara, the last time you told me about her you still kind of hated her and when we met we kind of got off on the wrong foot I guess. Do you think-- could you tell me about her? Tell me about the real Lena,” she asked.

Kara took a deep breath and finally began to relax. She leaned back against the wall and folded her legs. She closed her eyes and thought of Lena, the Lena she wished Alex could’ve met.

“She’s the best,” she began. “She’s kind of shy, I guess you could say. It-- it takes her a while to warm up to people,” she explained.

She pulled one of her pillows into her lap and began to trace patterns in the fabric.

“She hates it when people touch her, but she gives the best hugs,” she said with a smile. “She does this thing when she’s nervous, she fiddles with her thumbs and she plays with her hair. She’s like _really_ smart and honestly I think she must be some kind of a genius or something because I’ve never met someone like her before,” she said. Alex chuckled but stopped when she realized Kara was being completely serious. She really did think this highly of her.

She almost asked Kara if she liked Lena as more than a friend, but knew Kara would deny it. Even though the answer was probably yes at this point.

“And when she smiles she scrunches her nose up and it’s so cute,” Kara said. Alex could clearly hear the smile in her voice.

“Oh God I think I really do love her,” she mumbled without paying any attention to the words that were leaving her mouth. But as soon as she realized what she’d said, her eyes widened and she hung up the phone. She loved Lena. No, not loved, she was in _love_ with Lena. She held her breath and smiled so wide her cheeks hurt. All she could do was hope that Lena still loved her because she certainly was in love with Lena Luthor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry if that sucked. I wrote two chapters (twelve pages on google docs) today so if this is a really bad chapter, it's because my last two brain cells are very burnt out. I might start chapter fourteen today but probably not because my computer is starting to look a little splotchy and I'm seeing colors where they shouldn't be. I don't know if I liked this chapter or not, but it's probably very sloppy because I let Grammarly do all the editing for me. I hope you guys liked this chapter and I hope it wasn't too much of a disaster.  
> Comments and feedback are appreciated :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara takes Lena to Noonan's and they talk about everything that's happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is kind of short but I kind of like how it played out. I don't hate it though, so I didn't want to make it longer because then I might've started to dislike it.

Kara and Lena took their seats in their normal spot at Noonan’s. They both agreed it would be best to have their talk in a public place so that neither of them could yell, cry, or do anything too irrational. Both of them were incredibly anxious, but for different reasons. However, neither of them knew how to start the conversation. The things they had to talk about would undoubtedly be uncomfortable, and they shared the hope that maybe if they stayed quiet long enough, their problems would somehow disappear. So they sat in awkward silence until their drinks came, which was when Kara made the decision to speak up.

“So we… we need to talk,” she stated the obvious. 

Lena nodded stiffly in agreement. “What do you want me to say?” She asked. 

Kara stayed quiet. The only reason she’d spoken up was that she’d kind of hoped Lena would’ve known what to say. But Lena was just as lost as she was. 

“Do you want me to take it back? Be- because I will if it means we can stay friends, I-- I’ll take it back.” Lena asked nervously.

When Kara didn’t reply right away, she began to anxiously stir her iced coffee with its straw so she could avoid eye contact. 

“No,” Kara answered with as much confidence as she could muster. “I don’t want you to take it back.”

Lena lifted her head and looked up at Kara. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She didn’t know what to say or how to react. She’d spent all of the days prior to their meeting preparing for rejection. She practiced what she was going to say in the mirror and imagined the many ways Kara might tell her she wanted to remain friends or tell her she wanted to take a step backward and just hold a gymnast/coach relationship for the time being. She prepared herself for the prospect that Kara might never want to see her again. She even asked Sam what the best way to react to rejection was. She never once considered Kara might be okay with everything that was going on. 

“Wh- what?” She asked, completely dumbfounded. 

“I don’t want you to take it back,” Kara repeated. “Because I--” she took a deep breath and looked at Lena. Love wasn’t a word she could just throw around, she had to know she meant what she was saying. She had to know her feelings hadn’t miraculously changed overnight. But when she looked into Lena’s eyes, she was filled with warmth just by looking at her, a feeling she never wanted to go away. The longer she watched Lena and saw how she waited for an answer in pure anticipation, Kara knew. She  _ really _ knew. 

“I love you too,” she breathed. 

Lena’s cheeks turned bright red and she bashfully looked down at the table. A smile spread across her lips, wider and brighter than Kara had ever seen her smile before. She couldn’t help but softly laugh at Lena’s expression. But it wasn’t because she found it funny, Lena’s smile was contagious. It was like a breath of fresh air. Kara had never seen Lena so happy, and she secretly wished the moment would never have to end. Kara smiled so large her cheeks began to hurt after a few seconds. She let out a small giggle when she saw Lena squirm in her seat out of excitement. Part of her wanted to take a video so she could look back on the moment later on.

“You do?” She looked back up at Kara, her smile not leaving her face for a second. 

Kara bit her lip and nodded. 

“You really do?” Lena breathed in awe. 

Kara nodded again with a smile. “Yes, I really do.” 

Lena nervously tucked her hair behind her ears. Kara noticed her hands were shaking and she considered reaching out and taking them in her own. But she knew Lena probably wouldn’t appreciate a public display of affection like that, no matter how small. She was going to let Lena set the pace of their-- whatever was going on between them, and she didn’t care if that meant going slow.

“Lena, are you okay?” She asked softly.

Lena nodded, but her smile faltered. “Yeah, it’s just… the other thing,” she replied. Her voice was small and Kara could tell she didn’t want to bring it up. 

She sighed and nodded though because she knew they would have to address it at some point. Kara cleared her throat and took a sip of her hot chocolate before taking a deep breath and talking. She reminded herself once more, that Lena might still be upset about what happened, and she had to be okay with that. 

“I-- Lena, I’m so, so sorry for what happened,” she said sincerely. “I’m just… my sister had a hard time accepting the fact that she’s gay and I… I’m just very protective of her I guess.”

Lena nodded and avoided making eye contact. 

“And I- I know that’s no excuse,” Kara added. “And I’m so sorry for freaking out on you, I-- I get it if you’re mad and you don’t want to forgive me right away,” she rambled. 

Lena began to tap her fingers rhythmically on the table as she thought about what to say in response. Kara looked down and noticed Lena’s leg shaking, she assumed she did it often, she’d just never seen it before. 

“You said you love me,” Lena said quietly, and Kara nodded. “So it’s okay.”

Kara was taken aback by Lena’s statement. Her love didn’t excuse what happened.

“What-- Lena, no-- it’s not okay,” she said hastily. “I did something really bad and you have every right to be angry or upset with me,” she reiterated. 

“Lena, I can tell it’s still bothering you. Are you still mad about it?”

Lena shrugged, still refusing to meet Kara’s gaze. “I mean, I guess,” she said softly. “But y- you said you love me s- so it’s alright, I-- I won’t be mad anymore.” 

Kara shook her head, genuinely surprised at what she was hearing Lena say. “N- no, that’s not how it works. Yes, I love you, but it doesn’t give me the right to talk to you like that. Just because somebody tells you they love you doesn’t mean they can treat you like crap.”

Lena looked up at Kara, her eyes were glassy and her lips were pursed. She was trying to take in the words Kara was saying, but they went against everything she’d ever known. That’s how it was with Lex and Lillian. It was even the same as with the man she dated her freshman year at UCLA, James. 

“That’s how it’s supposed to be though,” she insisted, but her voice was quiet, almost as if she were waiting for someone to shoot her down. 

Kara shook her head sadly. “No, it’s not.” 

She took a deep breath and tilted her head. “I made a mistake, and I’m sorry, and I  _ really _ want you to forgive me. And yes, I-- I do love you, but you don’t have to forgive me, it’s up to you.”

Kara wanted Lena to forgive her more than anything, she’d even considered begging for forgiveness if that was what it took. But she wanted Lena to forgive her because  _ she _ was ready and wanted to move on, not because she felt obligated to. 

Lena still appeared to be confused, but she nodded just the same. 

“I’m kind of… I’m not mad, I’m just… I don’t know what I am,” she admitted with a small chuckle. “But I’ll get over it. Don’t beat yourself up, I get it, you were protecting your sister and I… I got freaked out.”

“I just… I know you probably weren’t ready to come out to me, and if I pushed you, or made you do something you didn’t want to do, I’m sorry.”

Lena began to tap her fingers even faster and her leg’s shaking intensified, which made the table wobble for a second. 

“I wasn’t ready,” she said quietly. She looked down at the table and avoided looking at Kara. “But you didn’t make me do anything.”

“I-- I didn’t want to tell you,” she admitted. “But I think… maybe it’s a good thing that I did. Because you- you don’t hate me for it and I… I need someone who won’t hate me for being… you know.”

“No one in their right mind would hate you for that,” Kara said firmly. 

Lena shrugged with a small smile. She gave a quiet  _ I guess _ but Kara could tell she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She understood she’d been lucky and never dealt any internal homophobia herself, but she’d seen firsthand how it ate away at Alex. It broke her heart to know Lena was going through the same thing. 

She sighed and nodded with a small smile before adding “There’s another thing.”

Lena looked up at her. She stayed silent but invited Kara to tell her whatever she needed. 

“I-- I was thinking yesterday, about some of the stuff that’s happened. And I wanted to- to make sure-- sometimes I’ll touch you and I-- I can tell it makes you uncomfortable so I… I wanted to make sure you know I’m sorry for that too.” Kara stuttered apologetically, and though it may not have come across due to the way she tripped over her words she meant everything she’d said. 

“You don’t need to apologize,” Lena said kindly. “You were just being a good friend.”

Kara shook her head. “I know but I was pushing your boundaries and I shouldn’t have.”

Lena smiled, but it looked forced. “You were showing you care,” she said. She reached a shaky hand over the table and placed it on top of Kara’s, which sat next to her hot chocolate. She squeezed Kara’s hand and gave her a small smile. 

“I’m just weird about that kind of thing. But I’m working on fixing it.”

Kara was about to say something about how Lena didn’t need to ‘fix’ anything because she was perfect already, but she forgot about it entirely when Lena bit her lip and began drawing circles on her palm. 

“Can we go now? Because I kind of want to kiss you, and I don’t want to do that here,” she said quietly with a smile. 

Kara wasn’t sure where Lena’s sudden boost of confidence had come from, but it made her tingly and fuzzy inside.

The two of them practically ran out of Noonan’s and made their way to the back of the coffee shop. It wasn’t until they realized what they were about to do that the both of them were overcome with nerves once more. 

“So I uh-- I’ve never kissed a girl before,” Lena said and began to fiddle with her thumbs. “So I-- I might be really bad.”

Kara smiled. “I’m sure you’ll be fine,” she said with a small smile. She reached for Lena’s hands, and Lena allowed her to take hold of them. She smiled and let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. 

“Can you give me a second?” Kara asked. 

Lena nodded but seemed confused as she dropped Kara’s hands. Kara scrunched up her eyebrows as she dug through her jacket pockets. After a few seconds, she pulled out chapstick and quickly applied it. Lena giggled and blushed at Kara’s antics. 

“Okay, I’m good,” Kara said with a small laugh. “You ready?”

Neither of them could stop smiling out of both nerves and excitement as Kara placed her hands on Lena’s shoulder and pulled her in close. Lena closed her eyes and felt Kara press her lips against her own. The kiss was short, but when they pulled away, they both missed each other's touch. Lena fell against Kara, who wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. Lena sunk into Kara’s embrace and wrapped arms around her neck. Kara rested her head atop Lena’s and took the moment in. She imagined taking her on a real date and introducing her to Alex and Maggie as her  _ girlfriend _ (that was of course if Lena agreed to be her girlfriend). She thought about dropping by her apartment and surprising her with flowers and chocolates, just because she felt like doing something nice for her.

Lena closed her eyes and smiled to herself as she replayed what had just happened in her head on a loop. She couldn’t believe she’d kissed Kara, or that Kara was actually in love with her too. It all felt too good to be true. She wanted to pinch herself to make sure this wasn’t all just a dream, but she knew Kara would stop her. Because Kara  _ cared _ . She cared about Lena in a way nobody else ever had. 

They stood there, holding each other for what felt like forever until Lena reluctantly pulled away from the hug, but kept her arms wrapped around Kara. She looked up at Kara, who stared at her with a dopey grin. 

“Lena?”

“Yeah?” 

“I think I love you.”

“I think I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I hope you guys liked this chapter. It was kind of hard to write because I wrote so much yesterday that I'm kind of burnt out but I really wanted to post something today so I hope it wasn't too bad. Also, the kiss is roughly inspired by my first kiss with my girlfriend because I'm just that cheesy.   
> Comments and feedback are appreciated :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena goes back to gymnastics. Kara fights her overprotective instincts. I've given up on writing decent summaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! It's 1 am and I really hate this chapter. Enjoy!

**** After waiting for almost two weeks, today was the day. Lena was finally going back to gymnastics and using both arms. Though she was nervous, her excitement balanced out her fear and possibly overpowered it. Kara wasn’t sure she’d Lena as excited as she was in the car ride over to the gym. For once, Kara wasn’t the one to ramble as Lena did all the talking for her. She went on and on about how she couldn’t wait to run her floor routine again and do her series on the high beam, and not just leaps, jumps and turns. Kara refrained from telling Lena she still needed to be careful and let her have her moment. 

Once Lena’s initial excitement wore off, she brought up the issue of if they were going to tell anyone about them or not. After some contemplation, they both agreed to keep whatever was going on between them a secret. Lena still wasn’t ready to come out of the closet, and she feared Miss. Val kicking her off the team if she found out. Even though Kara wanted to shout  _ I’m in love with Lena Luthor  _ from the rooftops, she was fine with waiting if that was what Lena wanted. She reassured her she was fine with waiting, and Lena quickly went back to gushing about how good she was going to do at practice and how she had a strong feeling she was going to have a great competition season. Kara secretly wished she could tell  _ someone _ about their relationship-- or whatever they were but for now, she was fine with riding to practice with her, listening to Lena go on about how she couldn’t wait to be a ‘real gymnast’ again. 

As expected, Lena got through warm-ups without any issues. She made it through the conditioning circuit Kara only caught her rotating her shoulders and wincing in pain a few times. But then again, that could’ve just been because of how hard the work out was.

It wasn’t until they got to their first rotation, which happened to be bars, did Kara start to get worried. Lena somehow made it through three very impressive, nearly perfect routines before she was allowed to move on to up training, so she would have harder skills to compete later on in the season. In between her turns, she did press handstands, leg lifts, and v-ups. Kara saw Lena wince a few times, but when Miss. Val told her it would be okay for her to take it easy, she insisted she was fine. But each time she saw Lena hold onto her shoulder in pain, or shake out her hands, Kara couldn’t help but want to pull her aside and tell her to stop. She considered telling her to stop working so hard multiple times, however, she didn’t want to upset her. Lena was so excited to be training with her team and not be holding herself back anymore, Kara didn’t want to be the one to ruin all that. 

However, when they got to floor, it was almost impossible to tell Lena hadn’t tumbled in over a week. Her skills were just as good, if not better, as before she got injured. She only asked Kara to stand next to her twice, and Kara couldn’t help but feel full of pride when she saw Lena doing what she did best. When she saw the smile on Lena’s face as she laughed with her teammates, and they hugged her when she started doing her more advanced skills, Kara smiled in return, full of love and admiration for not only Lena but how much she had accomplished. She knew how hard she had worked to get back to this point and was glad she was able to watch, even if it was just as Lena’s coach. 

It wasn’t until she saw Lena stumble backward and fall funny on her ankle after a double pike, that her overprotective instincts kicked in. She had to stop herself from running to her and somehow found the control within herself to calmly walk over to her. Lena stood up, but Kara could tell she was putting all her weight on one leg. 

“Lena, are you okay?” She asked nervously. 

Lena nodded and shook out her bad ankle. “Yeah, I’m fine. I think I’m good to go again,” she said. 

Kara nodded reluctantly but stopped her when Lena began to limp away from her. 

“Lena,” she said and raised an eyebrow. 

Lena sighed and turned around. She didn’t have to say anything, she knew what Kara was going to say. 

“You’re going to take five minutes to sit and put some ice on your ankle, okay?” 

After a few minutes passed, Kara came over to Lena, who was sitting out of everyone's way with an ice pack on her foot. 

“How do you feel?” She asked, but refrained from sitting next to her like she wanted to. 

Lena shrugged. “I just twisted it a little bit. It’s fine,” she said. 

Kara tilted her head skeptically. “Lena fine, or really fine?” 

Lena smiled and stood up. She tossed Kara the ice pack and took a step back. “Really fine,” she said with a smirk and walked away. 

After a few more passes, Kara noticed Lena started watering down her tumbling more and more, instead of working her way up to harder passes like she should’ve been doing. She considered pulling Lena aside multiple times so she could ask if she needed to take a break, but she knew Lena would only insist that she was fine. And besides that, she didn’t want to show favoritism towards Lena or appear to be almost too invested in her. She didn’t need to raise any suspicion amongst Miss. Val or the other girls. She wasn’t quite sure if dating Lena was allowed, technically she was still a student and she wasn’t a real coach, but she did have power over Lena. She also wasn’t even sure if she and Lena were even dating, she didn’t know what they were. And she didn’t want to mess it up before it had even begun. 

Once practice ended, Kara waited for all of the girls to clear out of the locker room. Once they were gone, she leaned against the door frame for Lena to come out. They walked to Kara’s car side by side, their hands brushing against each other occasionally. 

Lena took Kara back to her apartment, where they curled up side by side on the couch and ate ramen noodles.

“So how did it feel to be back?” Kara asked as she practically inhaled the last of her food.

Lena chuckled at Kara’s excited expression and shrugged. “It felt good to be back.” She said with a smile. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Kara asked with two noodles hanging out of her mouth. 

“For not getting worried and making me sit out,” Lena said and reached for Kara’s hand. She smiled and gave it a small squeeze. “Except for when I rolled my ankle, even though I was  _ fine _ ” she added with a smirk. 

Kara laughed softly and shook her head. “Well, there were a few times when I did want to make you sit out, but I held back.” She admitted.

“Oh, also, how’s your shoulder?” Kara asked. “And ankle,” she added with a small laugh. 

Lena’s smile faltered right away at the mention of injuries. She took a deep breath then placed her food on the coffee table and sighed. She leaned against the couch and supported her head with her hand. “It could be worse,” she said. 

Kara nodded slowly and tried to figure out if now was a good time to stop pushing. She knew it probably wasn’t, but she couldn’t help herself for asking for more answers. “Did the break work? Do you think it’s starting to feel any better?” She asked. 

Lena shrugged nonchalantly. “Honestly it feels the same as it did before, but it’s okay. I’m used to it. It’s not any better but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” 

“It’s not worse though?” She asked and Lena shook her head. “If it gets any worse, you’ll tell me, right?” She asked and Lena nodded with a small smile. 

“I…” Lena took a breath and bit her lip. “I realized something today.”

“What?”

Lena looked down at her lap, suddenly overcome with a wave of shyness. “I don’t know, I don’t want to sound conceded but, gymnastics has always been… it’s been the one thing I’ve always been confident in, I guess. I-- I just don’t want to sound rude or make it look like I think I’m better than the girls on my team or--”

“Lena,” Kara cut her off and placed a hand on Lena’s knee. This time Lena didn’t pull away, but she didn’t look back up. 

“Just say what you want to say.”

She took a deep breath and slowly looked up. “I’m a good gymnast,” she began, and Kara raised an eyebrow. “What I mean is, I-- I have a good work ethic. I’m talented, and I-- I have a good shot at winning our next competitions, or at least I-- I think I have an okay shot” she stated, her voice slowly became less confident and faded out as she continued. She wasn’t cocky, she wasn’t overly confident like she thought she would sound. In all honesty, she was correct. Lena was undoubtedly the best on her team, though she would never admit it. Kara was just glad she was finally starting to realize it. 

“And it took you being injured to realize that?” She asked. 

Lena shrugged. “I guess.”

“Well, whatever it took, I’m glad you finally realized it,” Kara said with a smile. 

Lena blushed and bit her lip. “Thank you,” she said softly. “I mean thank you for-- for thinking I’m good and not… and not saying I’m delusional,” she said with a scoff at the end. 

“I’d be an idiot if I didn’t see how talented you are,” Kara said. Lena blushed even redder and laughed quietly. She looked down at her lap and politely thanked her once more, her smile never leaving her face for a second.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Kara asked. 

Lena nodded and looked back up at Kara. “Yeah, what is it?” 

Kara took a deep breath and nervously tucked her hair behind her ear. She hadn’t really thought about she would ask Lena, but she’d known she wanted to do it. She’d felt ready and confident when she thought about it earlier, but now that she was here and actually had to say the words, she was overcome with nerves. 

Kara took one more deep breath before speaking. “I-- I was wondering would-- will you be my girlfriend?” She said the last part as quickly as possible. 

Lena smiled brightly and nodded. “Yes, of course!” She exclaimed, she looked as if she were going to jump up and down with joy.   
Kara wrapped her arms around Lena and pulled her in for a hug as she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. After a minute, Lena inched backward and Kara assumed the moment was over. But Lena surprised her. She leaned forward and pressed a long, passionate kiss against Kara’s lips. Kara placed her hands on Lena’s hips and pulled her close. She deepened the kiss and Lena moaned at the gesture. Lena ran her fingers through Kara’s hair and let Kara work her hands up Lena’s back. However, when Kara went to deepen the kiss further, Lena pulled away quickly and gasped for air. She removed her hands and anxiously wrapped them around her stomach. Her eyes widened as she realized what she’d done and she nervously inched away from Kara. She held her hand over her mouth and took a deep breath and went over what had just happened in her head. Kara quickly became full of concern but didn’t allow herself to move closer to Lena for fear it would freak her out. 

“I-- I’m sorry,” Lena breathed and avoided Kara’s gaze. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, her voice was small and shaky. 

“It’s okay,” Kara reassured her. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Lena shook her head and began to play with her fingers. She bounced her knee up and down so she would have something to do with herself. 

“I-- Kara, I’m sorry,” she said and looked up at Kara. “It was just-- it was good,” she said with a soft chuckle. “It was just too much and-- and too soon.”

Kara smiled and nodded understandingly. “It’s okay. I get it,” she said softly. 

“I’m sorry it-- I just-- I don’t know if I-- if I’m ready,” she explained.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize,” Kara said and smiled reassuringly. “We can do something else if you’d like,” she offered and reached out her hand. 

Lena nodded and gave her small smile. She took Kara’s hand and moved closer to her once more. She rested her head on Kara’s shoulder, and Kara wrapped her arm around her protectively. Lena grabbed ahold of Kara’s free hand and held it in her lap. Kara looked down at Lena and smiled. 

“Is this good?” She asked. 

Lena smiled and nodded against her. “Yeah, this is good,” she whispered. She cuddled up closer to Kara and closed her eyes. 

“This is the best,” she mumbled and smiled softly. “ _ You, _ are the best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, if you've made it this far, thank you for bearing with me, and this story. Honestly, I really hate this chapter and I tried to write it like three different ways but each way turned out worse than the last. So, this chapter was inevitably a disaster but it's okay. I'm also sick right now and I can't write when I'm sick so that might explain why but other than that, I'm sorry and the next one will be better. I'm gonna go now. Bye. Happy New Year!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena comes out to Sam and has her last practice before her first competition of the season.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I don't really have an excuse, except I just wasn't motivated to write for this story at all so I guess I've just been kind of lazy with my writing. So yeah, I don't really know how I feel about this chapter, so I'm sorry if it sucks.  
> Gymnastics terms-  
> Yurchenko full- The gymnast does a round-off onto the springboard and a back handspring onto the vault table. Before their feet hit the ground, they do a flip in a straight body with a full twist.

“Hey uh, Sam, can I talk to you?”

Lena stood in the doorway of Sam and Ruby’s room with a small smile on her face despite her tense stance. She clasped her hands tightly together and fought the urge to pinch herself so she could calm herself down.

“What is it?” Sam asked as she set Ruby down in her pack-and-play. She walked over to Lena and put her hands in her pockets.

“So you remember Kara, right?” Lena asked, dragging out each word. She waited with anticipation for Sam’s reaction. Almost everything she’d told her about Kara had been bad, so she needed to ensure that Sam liked Kara too before she told her what had been eating away at her for days now.

Sam nodded and raised an eyebrow. “You talk about her all the time, so yes, I remember her,” she said with a teasing smile.

Lena blushed and looked down at her shoes. “Right,” she mumbled. She looked back up at Sam and drew in a breath. This was it. This was the moment that would either destroy her relationship with Sam completely or allow her to become more honest with herself and her best friend. She knew Sam wouldn’t react badly, but she couldn’t turn off the voice in the back of her head that kept insisting otherwise. So she took another breath, mentally prepared herself for what she was going to do (even though no amount of preparation could ever possibly make the nerves go away completely) and hoped for the best.

“So I-- I wanted to tell you we-- we’re dating,” she managed to force out. She attempted a smile, as she held her breath and braced herself for Sam’s reaction. She knew Sam would more than likely be supportive, but telling her was terrifying just the same. Sam was the first person to know she was gay, besides Kara, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake her nerves. It didn’t matter how accepting she anticipated Sam would be. Lena deep down still hated herself for loving another woman, and though she knew she wasn’t doing anything wrong, part of her still expected everyone else around her to hate her too.

“Ok, okay,” Sam said simply.

“That’s it?” Lena asked. “You’re not surprised?”

Sam shrugged. “I mean you literally never shut up about her,” she said with a laugh. “Even when you hated her, you liked her.”

“What?” Lena scoffed. “That’s not true.”

Sam smiled and shrugged. “Once you told me that she’s so pretty and perfect that it makes you mad,” she challenged. “You’re not exactly the most subtle person,” she said with a smile.

When she noticed how Lena’s nerves still hadn’t disappeared, she took a step towards her and pulled her into a hug. “But that doesn’t mean I’m any less happy for you,” she said and gave Lena a squeeze.

Lena grinned as they stepped away from each other. “You’re not surprised at all?” She asked.

Sam smiled softly and shook her head. “No,” she said with a small laugh.

“Does she make you happy?” Sam asked seriously.

Lena nodded and smiled softly. “Yeah, she’s like… I don’t know how to describe it,” she said with a light laugh. “She’s just… she’s the best.”

“That’s good,” Sam said with a smile. “I’m really happy for you.”

Lena blushed and was flooded with a feeling of relief when she realized all of her worries had been for nothing.

“Thank you, now I need to get to practice or I’m going to be late.”

“Do you need a ride?” Sam offered.

Lena shook her head. “No, Kara’s picking me up. She thinks it’ll give me good luck or something since it’s my last practice before our meet on Sunday or something,” she said with a small chuckle.

However, Kara’s philosophy couldn’t have been further from the truth. It wasn’t that Lena didn’t work hard at practice, it was quite the opposite. Kara wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen Lena work harder. It was just that no matter how hard she tried, nothing she seemed to do went her way. She only made it through three out of five beam routines with no falls, while all of the other girls completed five as a minimum. When her team went to bars, Miss. Val told Lena to stay on vault. She was told she wouldn’t be allowed to join their rotation until she completed ten competitive vaults. Kara wasn’t quite sure what was wrong, but from what she saw, she was pretty sure Lena had an unexplainable and sudden mental block on her yurchenko full. She could physically do the skill, she’d done it tons of times, but something inside of her was telling she couldn’t. Though she didn’t mean to, she wouldn’t let herself do it. Maybe it was because she thought she’d fall, maybe she was just too scared. Kara wasn’t sure, and when she asked Lena, she just shrugged and seemed absolutely defeated. When she eventually did make it to bars, (only because Miss. Val didn’t want her to miss an entire rotation, not because she completed ten vaults) she made most of her routines, but it was clear how much her shoulder was bothering her. Though she never spoke up, Kara could tell she was in pain.

During the car ride back to Lena’s apartment, Kara tried to encourage her and reassure her that she was fine. But it didn’t matter what she said, Lena didn’t seem to listen.

“Lena, a bad practice doesn’t mean a bad meet,” Kara insisted.

Lena leaned against the car door, stared out the window, and ignored her words.

“You’re going to do great, you just need to stop stressing yourself out so much.”

“You don’t know that,” Lena mumbled.

Kara sighed and drummed her fingers against the steering wheel. “You’re right, I don’t,” she began, and Lena let out a dramatic huff. “But, I do know how hard you’ve been working. Today was just… it was bad luck and crappy timing. You’re talented, and more importantly, you’re the hardest worker I know, it’s going to pay off.”

“So far all it’s gotten me is a fucked up shoulder and a mental block on vault,” she shot back, but even though she tried to sound angry, she just sounded tired. “I’m going to fall on both vaults, or worse, run into the table.”

“Okay,” Kara said simply.

“Okay?” Lena repeated. She turned her head and furrowed her brow. “Kara, what part of that is okay _?_ ”

Kara sighed. “So you fall on your first vault, or you run into the table. Or maybe you even fall on both. It’s not the end of the world, you’ll get back up, you’ll move on and go to your next event. Then, you’ll go back to practice on Monday and you’ll get over your mental block. And if you don’t get over it on Monday, you’ll try again on Tuesday and every day after that until you do get over it,” she said firmly.

“That’s not--”

“Lena, listen to me,” Kara interrupted. Neither of them was sure where her sudden boost of confidence and authority was coming from, but Kara hoped it never left. “You are a great gymnast, but everyone has off days. I know you don’t want to admit it, but you’re human. You’re going to fall, and you might even fall tomorrow, and it’s going to be okay. Because I guarantee you at least five other girls are going to fall. The only difference is, you’re not used to falling, everyone else is.”

“I have to win though, it’s not that simple,” Lena insisted. Tears burned in her eyes, but she refused to let herself cry. Crying was a sign of weakness, and Luthor’s weren’t weak.

“No, you don’t,” Kara disagreed. “You don’t always have to win, Lena.”

Lena shook her head and frowned but she stayed silent. She couldn’t tell Kara the reason she was so obsessed with winning. She could only imagine how freaked out Kara would be if she found out why Lena was so stressed about her meet.

Instead, Lena went back to blankly staring out the window so she would no longer have to talk to Kara.

Maybe one day, she would be able to compete without Lillian’s voice in the back of her head telling her she was only worth as much as how many trophies and medals she had. Maybe by her next season, she’d be able to associate competing with something other than staying up all night vomiting because she was so nervous about what Lillian would say if she messed up, that she couldn’t keep any of her food down. Maybe by her next competition, she wouldn’t feel like she was on the verge of a panic attack at the thought of publicly falling and humiliating herself. But for now, she would have to deal with the uneasy feeling in her stomach and the voice in her head that told her if she didn’t win, she was a disappointment, despite Kara’s voice in her ear telling her it was okay no matter what happened. Maybe one day it would get better, but today was not that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, that was really short and kind of all over the place. I promise the next one will be better.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena competes in her first meet of the season.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going the explain the scoring system because not everyone is familiar with it.  
> So basically gymnasts are scored out of ten, deductions range from 0.1 points to 0.5 points. The only time 0.5 will be taken off is if they fall or touch the equipment unintentionally because that's technically a fall. A step backward is 0.1 but a large step backward is 0.2. Gymnasts have a chance to medal on each event, including all around, and win a team award.  
> Here are some skill explanations-  
> front aerial- a front walk over with no hands  
> back handspring step out layout stepout layout stepout- a back handspring where the gymnast splits her legs in the middle of the skill connected to two layouts stepouts, which is like a back handspring stepout but with no hands

Though she wasn’t pleased with how Lena had refused to hold a conversation with her in the car, Kara still came to her apartment at six the next morning to do Lena’s hair. Lena had told Kara she didn’t need any help, but Kara insisted. She believed having a meet that started at eight in the morning was a crime against humanity, and she didn’t want Lena to suffer alone. No matter how standoffish she had been the day prior.

When she arrived at Lena’s apartment, her breath was taken away when she saw her. Sure, her hair was up in a messy bun and there were dark circles under her eyes indicating she’d gotten little, if any sleep last night, but Kara’s eyes were drawn to her leotard. It was blue and black with elegant black mesh sleeves, with designs made in white rhinestones that sparkled in the light. Seeing it reminded Kara of when she’d gotten her first competition leotard. She had been the last girl to officially join her team, so her leotard came late and when she wore her simple practice leotard at the first meet of the season, she’d felt like an outcast. But when her coach handed her her leotard and team jacket with her name embroidered on the corner, she'd finally started to feel like a real member of the team. Looking at Lena standing in hers flooded her with a mixture of pride and nostalgia.

“Lena you… you look amazing,” she gushed.

Lena blushed and avoided making eye contact with Kara. “Oh… thank you.”

When she realized how anxious Lena was, Kara ended up doing Lena’s hair for her so she could relax for a few minutes before her meet.

She brought a chair into the bathroom so Lena could sit in front of the mirror. She then draped a towel over Lena’s shoulders so she wouldn’t mess up her leotard.

“How do you feel?” Kara asked as she began to brush out Lena’s hair.

Lena shrugged. “I only threw up once last night,” she mumbled as if it weren’t a bad thing.

Kara dramatically dropped the brush and rushed to Lena’s side. “Are you sick? Should you be competing?” She asked frantically and brought her hand up to Lena’s forehead.

Lena swatted her hand away, but that didn’t stop Kara from looking her over thoroughly.

“I’m fine, I just get kind of… I don’t know I just get nervous I guess,” she explained. “It’s normally worse though.”

Kara sighed and went back to brushing Lena’s hair. “Lena, that’s not normal. You shouldn’t be getting so stressed that you literally throw up.”

Lena looked at her lap. “It’s okay, I- I’m fine now.”

“I know you’re fine _now_ , but that shouldn’t be happening.”

Lena let out a breath. “Okay,” she mumbled.

“If you’re that stressed, you know you can call me, right?”

Lena looked almost confused. “I can?” She asked.

Kara nodded. “Of course, I’m here for you,” she said and placed a quick kiss on Lena’s forehead.  

“You’re sure you’re okay?” She added.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

After a few more minutes and a lot of hairspray, Lena had the tightest and neatest bun Kara had ever seen. Lena quickly changed into her UCLA team warmups and they drove over to the gym to meet the rest of the team, where they would all take a bus together to the competition.

Over all warm-ups started fifteen minutes late, which Kara could tell threw Lena off. When they made their way to their first event, which was floor, Kara caught Lena watching the camera crews from ESPN and FloGymnastics intently. When it was time for Lena to compete, Kara began to feel like she was more nervous than Lena, who seemed surprisingly calm. Once her routine was over, Kara breathed a sigh of relief as she saluted the jusge and walked off the floor and over to her teammates who congratulated and high fived her.

But Lena’s smile faltered when she saw her score, a 9.5.

“Lena, it’s your first meet back, it’s okay,” one of her teammates insisted and gave her a hug.

“Yeah, and a 9.5 is _really_ good, I’d honestly be shocked if you don’t place in the top five,” another one reassured her.

Kara raised an eyebrow at Lena, who had her arms folded over her chest. Her lips were pursed into a straight line, and Kara didn’t have to ask to know she was beating herself up inside.

“Come on, you did great,” Kara said with a smile in a failed attempt to cheer her up.

Lena shrugged but stayed silent. When she didn’t even make an effort to acknowledge Kara, Kara decided she wasn’t going to put up with this anymore.

“I would’ve killed to get a 9.5 when I was still competing,” she said but kept her voice low. “I get this isn’t your highest score, but it’s a good one. A really good one. You’re going to place top five, probably top three, so stop moping around because we need to get to vault.”

Lena managed to pull off both of her vaults. They were sloppy compared to how they normally looked, and she almost fell both times. When she didn’t even get a 9, she had to hold back her tears. She knew an 8.75 wasn’t necessarily bad, but it wasn’t good. She knew she’d lost her chance at medaling on vault, and possibly in the all around.

Bars went surprisingly well, considering it was Lena’s weakest event. She earned a 9.7, which she was very pleased with. As they made their way over to beam, which was their last event, Lena’s confidence had been boosted significantly due to her bars score. She wasn’t cocky by any means, she just started to believe that she wouldn’t fall, and might have a chance at medaling on beam and possibly in the all-around category.

Right before it was her turn to compete, she looked to Kara and for a split second, her face fell.

“Hey, don’t worry. You’re going to do great,” she said with a smile and gave her a thumbs up which made Lena chuckle.

Her routine started well. She wobbled on her front aerial, but she managed to stay on the beam. As she prepared for her series, a back handspring followed by two connected layout stepouts, she took a second longer than she normally to build her confidence before attempting the skill. Kara could see her doubting herself, and her chest tightened. Gymnastics was as much mentally demanding as it was physically, if not more. If Lena told herself she was going to fall, there was a higher probability of her falling. If she imagined herself falling, chances were, she really would fall. The beam was only four inches wide, there was no room for self-doubt or second-guessing.

She started off fine. Her back handspring was powerful, and she went into her first layout step out with ease Lena but landed her first layout a little crooked. She was off by less than an inch, she probably could’ve saved the skill if she adjusted on her second layout. But she continued to go crooked. Her feet landed on the beam for less than a second before she was standing on the blue mat beneath it.

Lena looked at the beam in front of her and took a second to process what had happened. She was standing on the mat. She wasn’t on the beam anymore. The beam was in front of her. She had fallen. She had fallen off the beam, her best event, in front of everyone. The cameras continued to roll as she hopped back up and went to finish her routine. As she went through the motions, tears burned in her eyes, making the beam blurry. She tried not to think about what the commentators were saying this as this was broadcasted on television for everyone to see. She tried not to think about how they were probably saying something along the lines of how shocking this was, and how she’d been expected to get first on beam.

Lena managed to stay on the beam for the rest of her routine, though she wobbled an uncharacteristic amount. She stumbled backward and took three large steps on her dismount, but she prevented herself from falling. She saluted the judges and practically ran away from the beam. Her teammates embraced her and reassured her that it was okay and she would do better next time, but she stayed silent.

“Lena, it’s okay, everybody falls,” Kara said and gave her a quick hug. She would’ve held her for longer like she wanted to, but she didn’t want either of them to get into trouble with Miss. Val.

Lena shook her head and frowned. “I don’t,” she said, her voice broke as she willed herself not to cry.

Kara sighed. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but it was going to happen eventually,” she said softly.

Lena shook her head again. “I could’ve saved it,” she insisted, but her voice was weak and fragile.

“Lena, you were completely off, you were going to fall either way. But the important thing is you fell, and now it’s over, and you can move on. You can go back to practice and work on it so when you come back you stick your routine.”

Lena averted Kara’s gaze and drew in a breath.

“It was your first meet of the season, you’ll do better next time,” Kara said with an encouraging smile.

Lena bit her lip and nodded, but Kara could tell she wasn’t really listening.

Kara thought Lena would’ve perked up when she ended up placing on both bars and floor. She managed third on floor and second on bars, which Kara assumed was something to be happy about, but Lena disagreed. She didn’t even seem excited when her team placed first out of all the other college teams competing. But she kept it together.

On the bus ride back to the gym, she didn’t sit with her teammates and instead opted to sit with Kara in the back of the bus. She stayed quiet the entire time, but occasionally her eyes would fill with tears and her bottom lip would quiver.

It wasn’t until they got off the bus and sat down in Kara’s car, did Lena really start to cry. However, even though Kara knew exactly what was happening, she still tried to hide it. She looked out the window and let her tears fall silently while she choked back her sobs.

Kara sighed and gently tapped Lena on the shoulder.

“Come on, Lee,” she said softly. “It was just a meet.”

Lena shook her head, but she stayed silent.

“I know you’re upset, and I- I get it, but it’s going to be okay,” Kara said sympathetically.

Lena turned to Kara, tears ran freely down her cheeks. “It wasn’t just a meet,” she cried quietly.

“Then what is it?”

“It was-- I--” she took a deep breath and tried to pull herself together, but failed miserably. “It was everything,” she said softly, her voice breaking.

“I-- I was-- I was _supposed_ to win,” she sobbed.

“No you weren’t, you’re still injured, Lee, nobody expected you to win except yourself,” Kara said and placed a hand on Lena’s knee. “You were supposed to go out there and do your best, and that’s what you did. And you know what? I think you did great.”

“I didn’t do great,” Lena retorted. “I fell and I-- I humiliated myself in front of everyone. A- and Miss. Val-- she-- she’s gonna be so mad”

Kara sighed. “She’s not going to be mad at you. She knows how hard you’ve been working and how much pressure you’re under. I promise, she won’t be mad.”

Lena closed her eyes and let a fresh set of tears fall.

“Lena, I know you don’t believe me, but you did really well.”

Lena shook her head. “You’re saying that because you’re my girlfriend.”

“No, I’m saying it because you just came off of your shoulder injury and competed all four events. You got over your mental block in a day, which is freaking incredible because I’ve never seen anyone get over a mental block that fast. You did the best bar routine I’ve ever seen you do _and_ you get second. Also, you did amazing on floor. And so what you fell on beam, who cares? What matters is you got back up,” Kara said, and Lena could tell she meant every word she was saying.

“You don’t understand,” she cried quietly.

“What don’t I understand?”

Lena sighed and looked at her lap. “Th-- thank you f- for thinking I-- for thinking I did well but I--” Lena took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. “I’ve always been supposed to win.”

Kara furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

“When I was younger, my mother she-- if I didn’t she’d…” Lena inhaled sharply and closed her eyes. She wrapped her arms around herself, hugging herself protectively.

Kara didn’t say anything, but she could only imagine where this was going. She knew Lena’s brother had done terrible things, but she didn’t even want to think about the suffering Lena must’ve endured at the hands of her own family.

“She--” Lena stopped and shook her head. She gave up on trying to get the words out.

“When I was younger, I broke my ankle at a competition,” she began. “And I-- I finished my routine because I-- I was so scared o- of what she-- of what she was gonna do.”

“And w- when we-- we were in the hospital and-- and when t- the doctor left she-- she started yelling a- at me ab- about how I-- how I embarrassed her,” she sobbed.

“Oh Lena,” Kara breathed. “She had no right to do that.”

Lena began to hug herself tighter. “A- and the doctors they…” she let out a breath and stopped talking.

“What did they do?” Kara asked quietly, though knew she probably didn’t want to hear the answer.

Lena sighed. “They tried to put me on meds-- for my anxiety,” she explained. “But m- my mother wouldn’t let them.”

“Why not?”

“ _Because medications show weakness. And Luthor’s aren’t weak,”_ venom seeped through Lena’s words, as she spoke in the same tone her mother used on her when she was a child.

“Lee, taking meds doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you’re taking care of yourself,” Kara said softly. “And I-- I honestly don’t even know what to say about your mother because that-- that’s just so terrible.”

Lena nodded and let out a small chuckle. “I-- I just-- I don’t want to talk about it,” she said shakily. “Can we just-- can you take me home?”

Kara smiled. “Of course. Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so long, I wanted it to make up for the last chapter. Also, I'm sorry this is kind of angsty at the end, I didn't originally intend for that to happen, so the next few chapters will be a little bit lighter. If this is trash, it's because I wrote it at 1am. Thank you guys so much for reading this far!  
> Comments and feedback is greatly appreciated :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara invited Lena to spend the weekend with herself, Eliza, Alex, and Maggie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually revised my work for once, so hopefully, it isn't too much of a mess for once.

About a week had passed since Lena’s meet, and she’d gotten over her loss surprisingly quickly. She still refrained from telling Kara too much about Lillian because she didn’t want to scare her away. Once they got back to her apartment, she was able to pull herself together for the time being and reassured Kara that she was fine. However, Kara was still filled with concern, so it didn’t take much for Lena to convince her to spend the night with her. 

After staying up all night watching movies and making the perfect family on the Sims, it almost seemed like Lena had forgotten about why she’d been so upset in the first place. By the next morning, when Kara brought up the meet, she shrugged it off and told her she would just have to work twice as hard so that she would do better next time. Kara knew it probably wasn’t the safest idea for Lena to work herself twice as hard, but she let it slide for the time being because she didn’t want to ruin Lena’s good mood. 

However, Lena’s hopes were denied when Miss. Val announced that the gym was going to be closed down for two weeks. Both Kara and Lena (mostly Lena) were disappointed at first. That was until Lena realized this meant she could finally take Kara on a real date. They’d both been so busy with practice that they’d never gotten to officially go out together. But now that they had the chance, Lena made sure to properly woo Kara over. Once they’d had their first real date, they agreed to make Sunday nights their date night, as it was the only day Lena didn’t have gymnastics. 

They also quickly fell into the habit of picking each other from their last class of the day so they could either go back to Kara’s dorm or Lena’s apartment and relax together. Normally they would end up falling asleep together, and get woken up by Kara’s roommate, who found their relationship incredibly irritating, or by Sam, who found them adorable, but just as much annoying. 

This time around, Kara took Lena back to her dorm. They were sitting side by side on her bed, Lena relaxed against Kara and rested her head on her shoulder, while Kara lazily draped her arm over Lena. Kara mindlessly twirled Lena’s brown hair around her fingers, and occasionally kissed the top of her head. They sat with a bowl of popcorn in front of them, though they had no intention of watching a movie. 

“Is that my hoodie?” Kara asked when she noticed what Lena was wearing. 

“Maybe.” Lena smiled teasingly. “You’re never getting it back,” she added as she leaned in closer to Kara.

Kara let out a fake yet dramatic sigh. “I figured.” 

Lena reached her head up and pressed a kiss on Kara’s cheek. 

“Hey, that’s not fair, I can’t pretend to be mad at you when you do  _ that _ ,” she said with a chuckle.  

“Well, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lena said and gave Kara a quick kiss on the lips. 

“I will admit, you do look better in it than I do,” Kara said with a smile. 

“Thank you,” Lena said and grinned back at her. “That’s why I get to keep it.” 

“I need to ask you something,” Kara said, her tone was suddenly very serious. 

Lena hesitantly pulled away from Kara’s hold and drew in a breath. She knew Kara wasn’t breaking up with her, but she couldn’t help but assume whatever she had to ask wouldn’t be good.

“What is it?” 

“Well…” Kara began. “I’m going home this weekend to see my foster mom, Eliza, and    
I was wondering if-- if you’d want to go with me.”

“Like… to meet your family?” Lena clarified. 

Kara nodded with a smile. “Yeah, and I think Alex and Maggie will be there too. It should be really fun, I told Eliza about you-- I hope you don’t mind, and she’s been dying to meet you. You’ll love her, she’s the best. When Alex was in college and she came home to visit, she would always make such a big deal out of it. One time, she made like… like three different pies,” she rambled. She hadn’t even noticed she’d lost Lena halfway through the conversation. 

“W- wait, can you just-- just slow down,” Lena stammered and gestured with her hands for Kara to stop talking. “Are you sure that’s the best idea?” She asked. 

Kara raised an eyebrow and waited for Lena to elaborate. Lena just sighed and reluctantly began to speak. 

“Your sister… I don’t think she’s my biggest fan,” she said shakily. After coming off as homophobic to Alex  _ and _ her girlfriend Maggie, Lena wasn’t exactly jumping at the opportunity to see them again. 

“That was a misunderstanding,” Kara said softly. She placed her hand on top of Lena’s and gave it a small squeeze. “You were just scared and confused, she knows you didn’t mean any harm.”

Lena sighed. “Are you sure?” 

Kara nodded. “I’m sure, once she gets to know you she’ll love you. And Eliza asks about you all the time, I swear, she’s like ready to adopt you or something,” she said with a chuckle. 

“You told her about me?” Lena asked, her voice was small and quiet. 

Kara nodded again. “Yeah, all good things of course.” 

“What did you tell her? Does-- does she… does she know we’re like together?” Lena asked and quirked an eyebrow. 

Kara shrugged. “Not that much at first. I told her we were friends and you were on the gymnastics team. I was honestly kind of surprised because she asks about you so often. I think she might ask about you more than me. And no, I haven’t told her we’re together. I wasn’t sure if you were okay with me saying anything,” she explained. 

Lena nodded slowly. “You… you want me to meet her?”

“Yeah, well that and like I said, she asks about you all the time. I mentioned you like twice and now she asks about you everytime I call her. I think she’d rather see you than me,” Kara admitted with a chuckle. 

Lena couldn’t help but blush at the thought of Kara’s foster mom asking about her, and maybe even caring about her. She began to fiddle with her thumbs as she thought about what it must’ve been like for Kara growing up with someone cared that much. It was hard for her to imagine because it seemed so unrealistic, but the idea made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

“Are you sure you want me to come?” She asked. 

Kara nodded with a smile. “Of course!” She exclaimed as if it were obvious. “Plus, we’d get to take a road trip together.” 

Lena bit her lip and tried to stop herself from grinning too wide. 

“Is that a yes?” Kara asked, her voice full of anticipation. 

Lena smiled brightly. “Yes Kara, I’m saying yes.” 

Kara had to keep herself from squealing with delight at Lena’s response. She hadn’t expected her to jump on board so quickly, but she was  _ very _ excited that she did. 

When they left for Midvale that weekend, Kara expected Lena to be full of nerves. She wasn’t sure when it would come, but she knew it would. However, Lena appeared to be as nonchalant as ever. They were at least an hour into their trip and Lena had seemed as calm as ever. Eventually, Kara realized she could relax, and she was stressing out for nothing. 

They played the car radio at full volume and Kara sang along to the music dramatically, which made Lena laugh hysterically. 

“You’re such a dork, Kara,” she said with a chuckle as Kara ran her fingers through her hair and winked at Lena seductively. 

“You love it,” Kara said and smiled brightly. 

“I do,” Lena admitted. “But please for the love of God, keep your eyes on the road before you drive us off a cliff.” 

Kara made a face at Lena and pretended to be offended, which only made Lena laugh harder. 

“But seriously, at least drive the speed limit,” Lena instructed. She made a mental note to herself to never let Kara drive her anywhere again unless it was an emergency. 

“Fine. You’re no fine,” Kara said and slowed the car down. 

Lena let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” she said with a smile. She relaxed in her seat and began to fiddle with her fingers. She watched Kara continue to bob her head from side to side and sing softly to herself. She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her lips at the sound of Kara’s voice. She’d never really thought about what it would’ve sounded like to hear Kara sing before today, but now that Kara had started, she never wanted her to stop. 

When Kara noticed Lena’s sudden silence, her voice slowly faded out. She kept her eyes on the road ahead of her, but she scrunched up her eyebrows in confusion, a small crinkle appearing between her eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” Lena asked. 

“Nothing, you just got really quiet.”

“Oh.”

Kara turned down the volume on the radio and they sat in silence for what felt like hours, even though only a few minutes had passed. The quiet gave Lena some time to wander back inside of her head, and the insecurities that had hidden away earlier were now quickly reappearing. 

“Kara?” She said, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you want to tell Eliza that we’re… you know…” her voice trailed off.

“Do you?” Kara asked, and Lena simply shrugged in response. “Because I mean, I guess I kind of wanted to,” she admitted. “But we don’t have to-- not if you’re not ready,” she added quickly. 

Lena nodded slowly as she contemplated the idea of telling Kara’s foster mom. “You’re sure she’ll be okay with it?” 

“Of course, she was totally fine with Alex and Maggie, and she’s known I’m bi for years now. She won’t have a problem with us being together,” Kara reassured her. 

“No… that’s not what I meant,” Lena began. 

She dragged out her words, hoping Kara would catch onto what she was trying to imply. But Kara remained oblivious. Lena let out a sigh as she mentally prepared herself for what she was going to say. She knew Kara would probably tell her it wasn’t a problem, but she knew there was always a chance that it would be. 

“I mean, do you think she might… she might not want you to date me because I-- I’m a Luthor,” she explained. 

Kara shook her head, not entertaining the notion for even a second. “She wouldn’t do that. You aren’t your brother, you’re Lena, and she’ll see you for that. Not a Luthor, just Lena.”

“Are you sure?” Lena asked and held her breath as she awaited Kara’s response. 

“I’m positive,” Kara confirmed, and Lena let out a sigh of relief. “She’s going to love you.” 

Lena smiled and leaned over to give Kara a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you,” she said as she pulled away. 

Kara blushed bright red and tried to cover how flustered she was by saying “if we crash this car it’s going to be your fault for distracting me.” 

Lena laughed and shook her head. She relaxed in her seat and reminded herself that if Eliza was anything like Kara, she would be just fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of in the middle, so I'm not really sure if I like this chapter or hate it. I was going to include their visit with Eliza in this chapter, but I thought Lena getting to really know the Danvers family (and Maggie) deserved it's own chapter.   
> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena meets Eliza, who makes sure Lena knows she's welcome and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know what to write so here's some fluff. I don't even know if this is even considered fluff but I don't really know what else to call it. So here's some whatever.   
> Read the notes at the end for a lame ass story about my life because it's almost 1 am and I forgot what you're actually supposed to write in these little notes boxes.

Kara and Lena pulled up at a large house surrounded by nature. There was a large back yard, and Lena could see what she made out to be a swing set poking out from behind the back of the house. She smiled to herself as she imagined Kara and Alex growing up here, and playing on the swings as children. She drew in a breath as the realization hit her that she was really here. She was standing outside of Kara’s childhood home. It almost seemed like a dream, it was like something out of a fairytale. Or so she imagined, Lillian had never let her read those as a child as she didn’t want Lena to become engulfed in a fantastical sense of reality.

They made their way up to the front porch, and Lena continued to take in her surroundings. It all seemed so inviting, just like Kara herself. 

Kara pulled open the front door, which creaked as it moved. They stepped inside and Lena could hear the floorboards settle beneath them. Sunlight shone in through the windows, illuminating the inside of the house. 

The front hallway was tight, and if Lena tilted her head, she could see into the living room. Photos of Kara and Alex as teenagers lined the walls, along with pictures of Alex growing up.

“Mom, I’m home,” Kara called out and looked around. She turned to Lena and smiled brightly, her eyes full of excitement. 

“Don’t worry,” she whispered. “She’s gonna love you.”

Lena gave a small smile in return and nodded, but she wasn’t so sure. This house seemed so warm and loving, the complete opposite of what she had grown up in. She loved the concept, she’d always wanted the kind of family Kara seemed to have as a child, but now that she was moments away from experiencing that kind of family, she couldn’t help but fear it. She knew there as nothing to be rationally afraid of, but naturally fear the unknown, and Lena wasn’t exempt from that. Kara sensed Lena’s nerves and gave her hand a squeeze. However, she dropped her hold on when she remembered Lena probably wouldn’t appreciate the public display of affection, no matter how small. 

An older woman hurried down the stairs, and when she saw Kara, she quickly wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into a hug. 

“Kara, oh I’ve missed you so much,” she said as they swayed back and forth. 

“I missed you too Eliza,” Kara said with a smile. 

As Eliza let go of Kara, she turned to Lena and smiled kindly at her. “And you must be Lena,” she said softly. 

Lena nodded with a small, nervous smile. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said, but as she went to give Eliza a polite handshake, Eliza hugged her lovingly. Lena tensed at the contact but managed to stiffly hug her back. She closed her eyes and reminded herself that this was normal, there was no reason for her to be so stressed. 

“I’ve heard so much about you, it’s so nice to finally be able to put a face to the name,” Eliza said with a chuckle. 

Lena blushed and looked over at Kara. 

Eliza then guided them into the living room, where she gave them coffee and cookies. 

“So, Lena, you’re a gymnast?” She prompted as Lena and Kara took their seats on the sofa, Eliza sitting across from them in an armchair. She crossed one leg over the other while she waited for Lena’s response. 

Lena gave a small smile and nodded. 

“Kara tells me you’re pretty good,” Eliza added. 

Kara looked down at her lap and blushed furiously, which made Lena chuckle. “Well, she tends to exaggerate sometimes,” she said with a small laugh. Kara habitually placed her hand on top of Lena’s and gave it a small squeeze, which didn’t go unnoticed by Eliza. 

“And you’re sophomore, is that right?” 

Lena nodded once more. “But I… well I-- I skipped a grade in high school, so I’m the same age as Kara,” she said. But as soon as the words left her mouth, she felt a blush creep up onto her cheeks as she began to immediately regret what she said. “I’m sorry, that totally sounded braggy-- I didn’t mean it like that,” she stammered with a nervous chuckle and averted Eliza’s gaze. 

But Eliza surprised Lena. She shook her head and smiled kindly. “Never apologize for being smart.”

Lena was about to apologize for apologizing in the first place, but she caught herself before she could say anything. 

After a few more minutes of comfortable conversation, Eliza told Kara to go upstairs and unpack their things. Lena went to follow Kara, but Eliza called her into the kitchen. When Kara tried to go with her, and Eliza told her she only wanted to see Lena, Lena felt her heart tighten. Kara looked at her and a crinkle appeared between her eyes, almost as if to ask Lena if she was sure she was comfortable with going alone. Lena smiled with a small nod and gave Kara a quick kiss before turning around.

She stiffly and slowly made her way into the kitchen. She held her breath as she nervously stood in the doorway. It wasn’t until she looked down at herself, that she realized her hands were shaking and she quickly hid them behind her back. 

Eliza smiled at her and gestured for her to come inside. Lena drew in a breath as Eliza patted one of the stools at the kitchen island and sat down. Lena sat down beside her but kept a respectable distance between the two of them. 

Eliza looked at Lena and sighed. Lena’s heart rate increased as her mind rushed a mile a minute, trying to figure out what it was Eliza wanted to talk to her about. She wanted to get this conversation over with as quickly as possible, and the fact that Eliza still hadn’t said anything was making her even more stressed with every passing second. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to make you help me cook,” she said with a small chuckle when she noticed how nervous Lena seemed. 

“Oh, I-- I’m fine with helping,” Lena said quietly. 

Eliza smiled and nodded. “I’m sure you are, but you’re a guest. If I need any help, I’ll ask Kara.” 

“Than what do you need me for?” Lena asked. She cringed when she realized how rude she was coming off, and hoped Eliza didn’t take what she was asking the wrong way. 

Eliza took a deep breath and folded her hands in her lap. 

“There’s no easy way for me to say this,” she began. “So I’m just going to try to get it over with”

Lena drew in a breath and tried to prepare herself for what Eliza was about to say. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but she assumed it would be something along the lines of  _ you’re a Luthor, so I don’t want you hanging out around or influencing my daughter. _

“I’m assuming you’re related to Lex Luthor.” 

Lena squeezed her hands into fists and began to dig her nails into her skin out of habit. She nodded slowly and bit the inside of her cheeks to force back a frown. She managed to force out a small  _ yes _ , but her voice was small and raspy. 

“When Kara told me the two of you were friends… I’ll admit, I was surprised at first,” Eliza said and tilted her head from side to side. She thought about what Alex had told her about Lena, and how she had wondered what it was Kara saw in her. 

Lena clenched her fists even tighter and felt her chin begin to quiver. What was the point of this? If Eliza was going to degrade her or tell her to get out of her house, she wished she’d just get it over with. Rip off the band-aid so the pain of rejection would be gone faster. 

“I-- I swear I-- I’m not like-- I’m not like him,” she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. 

I know, I trust Kara. She has good judgment,” Eliza reassured her, which made Lena question the whole point of having this conversation. If Eliza knew she wasn’t like Lex, there was no reason for them to discuss it. 

“She wouldn’t speak so fondly of someone if she didn’t see the good inside of them, as she does with you,” she added with a soft smile. 

Lena’s heart began to beat even faster at the thought of Kara talking about her, and for a minute she got distracted and began to wonder how she got lucky enough to end up with her. 

“I…” Eliza took a deep breath. “There’s no good way to say this, so I’m just going to say it.” 

Lena looked down at her lap as she felt a sense of shame wash over her as she was pulled back to reality and remembered what they were talking about. 

“I don’t mean to make assumptions, but I’m guessing this is all probably very knew for you,” she began. Lena looked up, she wanted to contradict Eliza, but she knew she was right. She didn’t want to admit it, but she felt incredibly out of place here, though it was probably more obvious than she’d thought. 

“You’re not used to it, are you?”

“I-- I’m sorry… I’m not used to what?” 

Eliza sighed. “Being a part of a real family.”

Lena looked down at her lap and nodded bashfully. “I guess you could say that.” 

Eliza smiled softly but stayed quiet. After a few seconds in silence, Lena realized she’d been waiting for her to talk. She’d wanted to hear what Lena had to say, a concept she was still getting used to. 

“My mother… she’s not… she’s not the warmest person,” she began and chuckled humorlessly. “So it’a just strange being here-- or even just with Kara. You both are just so… I don’t know just… nice a- and kind I guess. It-- it’s new but I-- I like it,” she said, her voice fading out towards the end.

Eliza nodded in understanding. “That’s good,” she said with a smile. “And being with Kara, she makes you happy?” 

Lena was taken aback by Eliza’s statement. Her eyes widened and she anxiously looked around the room, as if physically finding a way to lie to her. 

“Wh- what? W- we aren’t-- we aren’t together l- like that,” she stammered unconvincingly with a nervous laugh. 

Eliza tilted her head and waved her hand. “You don’t need to lie to me, I’ve known for months,” she said and chuckled at Lena’s panic. 

“You-- you have? How? Kara said she didn’t tell you.” 

Eliza sighed and smiled. “She didn’t have to say anything, it’s obvious by the way she talks about you,” she explained. “And I saw you two holding hands on the couch earlier, and you kissed her before she went upstairs. You could at least  _ try _ to be a little more subtle,” she added. 

Lena looked down at her lap and tried to hide her blush. “In my defense, you weren’t supposed to see the kiss,” she said quietly. 

Eliza laughed and placed a hand on Lena’s knee. “I see everything.” 

“Okay, I’m gonna go let you go upstairs now,” she said with a soft chuckle. 

Lena stood up and gave Eliza a small smile before turning away. 

“But I want you to know something.” 

Lena hesitantly turned back around and waited for Eliza to finish whatever it was she had to say. 

“I know this whole close and loving family thing is new to you, but you better get used to it, because you’re one of us now,” she said with a warm smile. 

When Lena entered Kara’s old bedroom, she couldn’t stop smiling. Her smile only grew wider she realized she was standing in the middle of Kara’s childhood room. The room Kara had spent her teenage years and now some of her adulthood. She looked over at Kara, who was sitting on her bed reading a book, completely unaware of Lena’s presence. 

A purple medal rack hung above her bed holding medals and ribbons from various competitions. She didn’t have nearly as many as Lena did, but Lena couldn’t help but find Kara’s more impressive than hers. From what Kara had told her, she rarely won competitions. She wasn’t sure if Kara had ever placed first all around, but that didn’t matter. Because she knew when Kara finally would place, it would mean so much more, knowing that she had worked twice as hard to be in the position she was in. 

Kara looked up from her book and smiled when she noticed Lena’s elated expression. 

“What’s got you so happy?” She asked. 

Lena shrugged and sat down beside her. “Eliza talked to me.”

Kara furrowed her brow. “About what?” 

Lena let out a breath and leaned against Kara. She rested her head against Kara’s shoulder and allowed herself to finally relax. 

“Nothing much,” she said and intertwined her fingers with Kara’s. “She knows we’re together by the way.” 

“You told her?” Kara asked, the surprise showing through in her voice. She’d always assumed she’d be the one to break the news about her relationship with Lena to Eliza. It’s not that she didn’t think Lena couldn’t do it, she just thought she’d be too nervous and prefer for Kara to do it. 

Lena shook her head. “She saw me kiss you,” she said with a small laugh. “And she saw us holding hands earlier.” 

“We really need to start being more subtle,” Kara said and chuckled. 

Lena snuggled closer into Kara and beamed. “Maybe,” she said softly. “But nobody’s here now, so I can do this,” she reached up and pressed a gentle yet passionate kiss to Kara’s lips. 

“And tell you I love you.”

“Oh?” Kara said and raised an eyebrow. “Well, I for one  _ definitely  _ think you should do that.” 

Lena laughed and rested her head against Kara’s chest. “I love you,” she repeated. 

Kara wrapped her arm around Lena and pulled her in closer. “I love you too, Lee,” she mumbled as she placed her head on top of Lena’s and closed her eyes. She felt a smile grace her lips at the feeling of having Lena in her arms. Sitting in her childhood bedroom, holding the girl she’d never thought she’d have it was like just for a minute, the world stopped turning. They were at peace. They were calm, and for once, they could just be.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick little story before I go-   
> This morning when I was on the subway I was considering stopping this story and never updating it again because I realized I'm now 19 chapters in and I don't have an outline, plot, or plan. It was also mostly because I hate the way I'm writing this, but that's irrelevant. I don't know what I'm doing with this story at all, so maybe it'll turn out to be a disaster. Maybe it is a disaster, who knows. But then I told myself to shut up because if I've gotten myself this far, I can bullshit my way to the end. So if I learned anything when it was 7:30 this morning and I was on a crowded subway car that smelled like marijuana, it's that I'm going to finish this damn fic if it kills me.   
> I don't know what the point of this little story was, but I thought I'd include it because I have nothing else to say. Goodnight!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara shows Lena photos from her childhood. Lena hangs out with Kara, Maggie and Alex. Fluff and some angst?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back! I'm so sorry it took me so long to upload anything, finals week kind of turned into finals month so I didn't have time to write anything. We also started rehearsal for my school musical, and I'm one of the dancers so that's been taking away a lot of my writing time too. This chapter isn't too long but it took me like a month to write because I kept putting it off, so it might be really sloppy because I wrote like a sentence a day. So sorry if this is a complete mess, I'm not sure if I hate it or not, but I hope you guys like it!

 

Before she opened her eyes, Lena patted Kara’s side of the bed to make sure she was really alone and wasn’t just imagining it. She groaned at the empty place next to her and rolled over onto her back. She took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of waffles and bacon, which was when she opened her eyes and remembered where she was. Lena slowly stretched her arms upwards and let out a yawn before stepping out of bed and making her way downstairs. The floorboards creaked beneath her with every step she took, and she hoped she wasn’t waking anybody up. 

She folded her arms over her chest and stifled another yawn as she slowly made her way into the kitchen. She stopped in the doorway and folded her arms over her chest. She bit her lip and let out a small smile at the sight in front of her. Lena was still half asleep, so it took her a minute for the fact that this was all real and not just a dream to register in her brain.

Eliza was adding another waffle to an already impressively high stack while simultaneously swatting Kara’s hand away as she reached out to steal one. Lena chuckled softly at the sight and shook her head.

Alex placed two plates on the kitchen table, one with scrambled eggs and one with bacon and sausages. She then went back to get forks and napkins so she could set the table. Maggie didn’t seem to be contributing anything, but she followed Alex around the kitchen aimlessly, occasionally kissing her on the cheek or intentionally trying to annoy her. 

Kara eventually stopped trying to not so sneakily steal food as she noticed Lena standing silently in the doorway and hurried over to her with a large smile. She excitedly grabbed onto Lena’s wrists and attempted to guide her into the kitchen, but Lena wouldn’t budge. 

“Come on, we’re about to have breakfast,” she said with a grin. 

Lena shook her head stiffly. “Alex and Maggie are here,” she whispered. 

Kara raised an eyebrow and a look of confusion crossed her face. After a few seconds of silence, Kara’s mouth formed an  _ oh _ shape and she nodded when she finally understood what Lena was getting at. 

“What if they’re still mad at me?” Lena asked quietly, her voice barely audible over the noise coming from the three women in the kitchen. 

Kara sighed. “I’m sure they’re not,” she said softly. 

“Come on,” she said and gently tugged on Lena’s wrist. She pulled her into the kitchen, and Lena gave an awkward smile when Alex, Maggie, and Eliza became aware of her presence. 

“Alex, Maggie, you remember Lena, right?” Kara asked, shooting her sister a look that said  _ don’t embarrass me.  _

Alex smiled and stepped forward. She gave Lena a quick hug and nodded. 

“Yeah, it’s great to see you again,” she said kindly. 

Lena tried to hide her surprise but was unsuccessful. “O- oh-- it’s-- it’s great to see you too,” she said and offered a shaky smile in return. 

“I know we didn’t exactly get off on the right foot when we met, but I’d like to start fresh,” Alex proposed. 

Lena smiled and nodded. “I’d like that. Thank you.”

After breakfast, Kara took Lena back upstairs to her room. Kara told Lena to take a seat on her bed while she went into her closet. After a few loud noises and Kara not so subtly cursing in annoyance, Lena offered her help her find whatever it was she was looking for. Once she found it, Kara returned and sat down next to Lena with a book in her hand. 

“What is that?”

“It’s a photo album,” Kara said.

Lena quirked an eyebrow. “Am I going to get to see Kara Danvers as a  _ baby _ ?” she asked as a large grin crossed her lips.

Kara smiled and nodded. She let out a soft laugh as she opened the book. “We don’t have that many baby pictures because I was adopted, but I have pictures of me as an awkward teenager if that’s anything.”

Lena chuckled and nodded. “Yes, but I’m sure you looked fine.”

Kara made a face that said  _ no way  _ and opened the book. 

On the first page was a picture of Kara and Alex. Kara only looked about thirteen, and Alex didn’t seem much older. Probably fifteen or sixteen at the oldest. Neither of them looked very happy, Alex's arm was wrapped around Kara’s but she was scowling at whoever was taking the picture. Kara seemed to be avoiding Alex’s touch and wasn’t bothering to hide her annoyed expression. 

“That was about a week or so after I got adopted. Eliza wanted a picture of the two of us, but Alex and I kind of hated each other,” she explained with a laugh. 

“I can’t imagine you and Alex hating each other,” Lena said and inched closer to Kara. 

Kara nodded and bit her lip. “Yeah, we couldn’t stand each other for months.”

Lena furrowed her brow. The Danvers sisters seemed so close, she couldn’t even imagine them getting into a small argument, much less hating each other. 

“Really?”

Kara nodded and sighed. “Yeah, I don’t really know why,” she admitted. “I don’t think Alex wanted to accept that I was really there I guess. I don’t know if I ever really hated her. I think it was just that… she didn’t like me so I told myself I didn’t like her either.”

Lena nodded understandingly. “What happened?” She asked. “When did you finally start to get along?” 

Kara drew in a breath. “Alex was really popular in high school,” she began with a soft chuckle. 

She looked down at the photo and traced the outline of herself and her sister. “I wasn’t. I-- I was new… I didn’t know anybody and nobody wanted to know me. Alex was… I think I embarrassed her. I didn’t look or act like the other kids so she-- she avoided me.”

Lena placed a caring hand over Kara’s. She understood being an outcast better than anyone. She just couldn’t imagine Kara ever being rejected. She was so bright and bubbly, she was like a ball of sunshine. She didn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t love her. 

Though, it was for those reasons Lena had disliked her so strongly at first. 

“There was this one kid though. His name was Kenny,” Kara continued with a sad smile. “He was… he was my only friend. He was a- all I had until…” she took a deep breath. She hadn’t talked about this in so long, it felt strange to acknowledge him again. 

“He was all I had until… until h-- he… he died,” Kara said quietly and looked down at her lap. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

She’d been trying not to think about Kenny as much as she used to. Every time she did she was overwhelmed with guilt. If only she’d done something. Maybe she could’ve helped if she’d known what was going on. Maybe she could’ve stopped it. 

She knew it wasn’t rational to think like this. She was only fourteen at the time, but she couldn’t help herself. 

“I’m so sorry,” Lena whispered. “We don’t have to keep talking about this if you don’t want to.” 

Kara blinked back her tears and shook her head. “No… i- it’s fine.” 

She took a deep breath and mentally prepared herself to keep going. Lena placed a gentle hand on top of Kara’s and gave it a small reassuring squeeze. 

“When he… when h- he… you know…” Kara swallowed the lump in her throat. Even after all these years, it was hard to admit to herself that Kenny was really gone. “Alex and I both kind of realized we’d been taking each other for granted. I-- I already knew life was short because of everything with-- everything that happened with my parents but this-- it was… it was just so different.”

Lena nodded silently and moved closer to Kara. 

“He-- he was my age and s- suddenly he was just-- he was gone,” she said and her voice broke. “And I-- I think we… we both kind of realized we… we had each other and we needed to-- to stop taking that for granted.” 

Kara wiped her eyes and managed a small smile. “Losing him… it was terrible but… it brought Alex and me together.” 

“I’m so sorry that happened,” Lena said. Her voice was hoarse from holding back her own tears. 

Kara nodded and let out a breath. “Thank you, I am too.” 

“I know it can’t be easy, losing someone you love,” Lena began. She thought her mother who had been her best friend and her hero until the day she died. Then her thoughts turned to Lex and how for years it had seemed as if he’d been the only one would ever love her. That was until Lena found out he’d been imprisoned for murder. Over the years, she’d learned to cope with loss. Sure, the way she did it wasn’t the healthiest, but she knew how it felt. And if there was anything at all she could do to help Kara, she would do it. 

“So if… if you ever need to talk about it or if-- if you need anything at all… I’m here for you,” she said and gave Kara a small reassuring smile.

Kara leaned against Lena and sighed. She mumbled a quiet but honest thank you and rested her head atop Lena’s. 

She drew in a breath and re-opened the book. She turned to the next page in hopes they wouldn’t have to talk about this anymore. Kara didn’t want to forget about Kenny, and it wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk about him with Lena. She trusted Lena, and she knew Lena would listen to her. She just didn’t want to talk about something so heavy when they were supposed to be relaxing together. 

As they began to flip through the photos once more, the bedroom door opened with a creak. Maggie and Alex stepped inside hand in hand. 

“What are you looking at?” Alex asked when she noticed the book in Kara’s hands. 

“An old photo album,” Kara replied and looked up at the two. “There are a few embarrassing ones of you,” she said with a chuckle. 

“Ooh I wanna see,” Maggie said excitedly and plopped down beside Lena. 

Kara turned the page to a picture of Alex as a toddler with long hair that was pulled into pigtails and a pink dress. Her arms were folded over her chest and she was glaring angrily ahead of her. 

When Lena, Kara, and Maggie all started laughing, she sat down beside Maggie to see what they thought was so funny. She groaned and turned the page when she saw the picture. 

“God that’s…” she groaned and shook her head. 

“Awe, I thought it was cute,” Maggie said with a smile and kissed Alex on the cheek. Alex blushed and shook her head. She went to turn to the next page, but Lena stopped her. 

“Kara, that’s you,” Lena pointed out with a smile. 

Kara grinned and nodded. She looked to be about fourteen or fifteen in the picture. She wore a tight black jacket and black leggings. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a stiff bun, complete with a sparkly pink scrunchie. She had two medals around her neck and a small trophy in her left hand. She smiled brightly, and Lena laughed when she noticed the braces on her teeth. 

“That was states when I was fourteen,” Kara said and smiled to herself at the memory. “It was one of my best meets that season, maybe ever. I was beam state champion,” she said, pride seeping through her voice. 

“She was so nervous on the car ride there, I thought she was going to throw up,” Alex said with a chuckle. 

“During awards when they said I got first, I almost cried on the podium,” Kara admitted. “I don’t know why… I just couldn’t believe it.” 

“That’s adorable,” Lena smiled. “And you should believe it, you deserved it,” she added and gave Kara’s hand a squeeze. 

Kara blushed as Lena pressed a quick kiss to her lips. 

“God you guys, get a room,” Maggie mumbled and rolled her eyes. 

Lena nervously backed away from Kara. She knew she’d done nothing wrong, but she couldn’t help but feel put on the spot. Maggie was only joking, she knew that too, but she was still adjusting to the whole family think. So instead, she gave Kara a small smile and placed her hand below Kara’s so it wasn’t noticeable. 

She looked from Alex to Maggie to Kara. The concept of love and trust was still so new. She was so used to hearing comments from her mother that held no other purpose to degrade her, so Maggie’s playful remark was a nice change of pace. Even if it did throw her off slightly. 

It was all new and slightly scary, but when she saw Kara’s face smiling down at her, she knew it was something she could get used to.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not writing a summary because Y'all are gonna hate me for this. Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read, I'm sorry for this chapter, I hate myself too. I just didn't know what to write so I kinda made it up as I went along and now we have whatever this chapter is.

 

Just like all good things, the visit with Kara’s family ended much faster than Kara and Lena would’ve liked. Neither of them appreciated how quickly reality set back in once they arrived back at UCLA. Finals week was steadily approaching, which meant Lena was studying in every minute of her spare time while Kara, on the other hand, decided to procrastinate until the night before her exams to last-minute cram. Though luckily for her, Lena was able to reluctantly help her with her harder subjects. Which were most of them.

As much as Lena pretended to be annoyed with tutoring Kara because time was being taken away from her own studies, she didn’t mind helping. It was nice to help Kara instead of stress about her own exams. Even if when she got back to her apartment, she was twice as anxious because she’d missed valuable study time.

Other than finals week, Lena was ecstatic that the gym was no longer under renovations, so she could go back to practice. With her next competition coming up in a week, she needed all the practice she could get.

Kara was also excited to be coaching again. And not just because she got to spend time with Lena (or see her in a leotard). She’d grown to love all of the girls on the team. At first, she hadn’t understood what Lena had meant when she’d said her teammates were her sisters, but over time the team had begun to feel like a second family to her too. Seeing the way they cheered each other on and supported each other reminded of her team from when she was a gymnast. They hadn’t cared that they were competing against each other, they were rooting for each other the entire time. They didn’t care which girl from their team won because, at the end of the day, it was still a win for their gym, and their family.

When they did go back to practice, Kara was impressed with how all of the girls managed to bounce back after their break. The fact that they’d taken time off was barely noticeable. Sure they wobbled on beam or tripped on floor occasionally, but considering the skills they were doing, it was to be expected.

They’d made it through two rotations and a forty-five-minute conditioning circuit, and Lena had been powering through better than Kara had ever seen. She hit all five of her routines on beam and had uptrained her tumbling on floor. But most importantly, she seemed to be genuinely enjoying herself for once instead of stressing over every minor detail.

As they made their way to vault, Kara made a mental reminder to tell Lena maybe falling at her last meet was a good thing, because it let her relax a little bit.

Lena made it through both of her warm-up vaults with ease. It wasn’t until she started working on her competitive ones that Kara noticed she seemed to be having trouble.

Kara stood on one of the blue spotter's blocks which was pushed up against the vault table. She was spotting vault today instead of the girls doing it alone like they normally did. Miss. Val said it was to be extra careful before their next meet and to give Kara some real coaching practice instead of just giving the girls instruction like she normally did. She didn’t have to do much as the girls were completely capable of completing the vaults on their own, but it was still a nice change of pace.

On Lena’s third vault, she fell backward and rolled onto her back to prevent stumbling backward and hurting herself. She got back up, rotated her shoulder and walked over to Kara so Kara could give corrections.

“You didn’t block hard enough off the table. You need to give yourself that extra push so you don’t fall,” Kara said and Lena nodded in response.

“Can I go again?” She asked. “I think I can fix it.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Kara agreed with a small smile.

Lena jogged back to her spot on the runway and took a deep breath when she got to her spot. She made sure she was in perfect alignment with her number on the runway before shrugging her shoulders and preparing for her next vault. Her run-up was good. For as graceful as she was, Lena had an unexpected power and strength to her. Most people were often surprised when she saw Lena vault. It was hard to believe she could attack the vault the way she did after being so elegant on beam.  

She stretched through her roundoff and as soon her feet hit the springboard, she began to reach up into her back handspring. Her hands hit the table for less than a second before she began to fly up into the air. She took the correction and blocked through her shoulders even harder, and Kara expected her to do one of the best vaults she’d ever done.

But instead of flipping then twisting like she was supposed to, she went up then straight down and fell onto her back. She hadn’t fallen per say, she had given out and done a timer instead of the actual skill. Normally when gymnasts gave out the way Lena did, it was because they were either scared or thought they were going to get hurt. Kara assumed Lena had just second-guessed herself and had gotten freaked out. It wasn’t something to dwell on, all the girls did it every once in a while.

When Lena hit the mat, Kara expected her to get back up right away. Instead, she hesitated before slowly getting up and clutching her stomach with her left arm. Her face was bright red, and her eyes filled to the brim with tears. She looked at Kara but didn’t say anything.

Kara hopped off of the spotter's block and quickly asked Miss. Val if she could spot the next few before pulling Lena aside.

“Hey, what happened, are you okay?” She asked.

“My-- something happened-- I’m not sure what but I-- I think I did something to my shoulder,” Lena replied. Her voice was small and shaky. It was clear she was using everything she had in her not to cry.

“It-- it hurts… like really badly,” she added.

Kara drew in a breath and nodded. Lena never admitted to being in pain no matter how bad it was. She always pushed through, even if she was advised against it.

“Okay I-- I’m going to get you an ice pack,” Kara said as calmly as she could. Lena nodded anxiously in response as she blinked back her tears.

“Do you think you can finish practice?”

“I… I don’t know.”

Kara nodded and drew in a breath. “Can you turn around for a second?”

Lena turned on her heel and Kara reached out her arm. She pressed two fingers gently against Lena’s shoulder blade, but Lena hissed in pain and jumped away from her.

Lena turned back around and glared at Kara. She wanted to tell Kara that was completely uncalled for, but all she could think about was the throbbing pain in her shoulder that was getting increasingly worse with every passing second. So instead, she just looked at Kara and hoped Kara could see how she was screaming for help without saying anything.

Kara quickly picked up Lena’s non-verbal cues and called Miss. Val over. After Miss. Val did a quick evaluation of Lena’s shoulder, she told Lena she needed to see a doctor. Lena stared at Kara with wide eyes, begging her to protest. But Kara stayed silent as Miss. Val called the ambulance. They all knew it was for the best, even if Lena refused to admit it.

When the ambulance arrived, two doctors came in with a stretcher. They found Lena in the lobby sitting with her sweatpants on over her leotard. Kara sat behind her and held the ice pack to her shoulder blade as Miss. Val called for the rest of the team so they could say goodbye to Lena.

The doctors helped Lena up into the stretcher, and she let out what sounded like a whimper when she put her weight on her back and shoulder. But she still smiled at her teammates and told them she’d be better by their next meet.

“I can’t go with her because I have to stay with the other girls, so Kara would you be okay going to the hospital with her?” Miss. Val asked.

“Yes, of course,” Kara replied, maybe a little too quickly, before following the doctors into the ambulance.

During the ride to the hospital, one of the doctors poked and pressed on Lena’s shoulder, trying to figure out what was wrong. Each time he touched her, Lena looked to Kara as if to ask for help. But Kara knew there was next to nothing she could do, so she held onto Lena’s hand as the ambulance drove over bumps in the road, and told her it would be okay.

“On a scale of one to ten, how badly does it hurt?” The doctor asked.

“I-- I don’t maybe like a six?” Lena said but phrased it as a question.

The doctor nodded. “Okay, how about this then; five means you don’t think you can put any weight on it,” he prompted.

Lena sighed and furrowed her brow. “A seven maybe,” she replied, but her voice was still uncertain.

When the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Lena was taken to an empty trauma room. A new doctor came in, wearing navy blue scrubs and a lab coat. He quickly put on a pair of gloves before turning to Lena and giving a kind smile.

“I’m Dr. Jones, I was told you hurt your shoulder. Can you tell me what happened?” He asked and began to examine Lena’s shoulder the same way as the doctor in the ambulance had done.

“I-- well I’m a gymnast,” she began. Her voice was shaky and she looked to Kara for help. “And I-- I was on vault and I-- I felt something tear.”

Dr. Jones nodded. “What did you mean when you said you felt it tear?”

Lena sighed. “I don’t know,” she drew in a breath as she replayed the scene in her head. “It felt like someone was ripping my arm off my body,” she said sharply.

Dr. Jones continued to examine her arm, though it seemed pointless because everything he did seemed to cause Lena pain.

“Have you had any past injuries in this shoulder before?” He asked.

Lena nodded and took a deep breath. “I uh… I had a muscle spasm and a-- a muscle sprain. My last doctor-- they said that my muscles had-- they started pressing on my nerves.”

Dr. Jones nodded once more before getting up and typing something into his computer. Kara noticed Lena’s eyes darting frantically across the room and she placed a hand on top of Lena’s in an attempt to ground her.

“I’m going to have one of our residents take you to get an MRI and possibly an X-Ray. I have another patient to get to, but they should be here in about five minutes,” he said. He gave Lena a small smile before walking out of the room to find his next patient.

Lena let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding in, and Kara down on the bed next to her. She gave Lena a quick kiss on the forehead and squeezed her hand.

“Kara, I-- I’m sorry about all this,” Lena said and gestured to the hospital room with her good arm. “You can go home if you want. You probably have a final tomorrow, you should be studying.”

Kara shook her head. “Lena, you don’t need to apologize. You just did God knows what to your already injured shoulder. I’m not going anywhere,” she said with a small smile.

Lena gave a small thank you and leaned back against her bed. She winced in pain when her shoulder hit the mattress but tried to play it off as if she were fine. Kara sighed and gave Lena’s hand a small squeeze.

“No, I’m not sorry for you making you stay, I’m sorry because I keep getting injured,” Lena explained.

Kara bit her lip. “It’s not your fault,” she began. “You just need to stop overworking yourself or you’re going to keep getting hurt.”

Lena nodded but stayed silent. Her eyes searched the room frantically as if she were looking for something that just wasn’t there. Kara tilted her head and watched as Lena scanned every inch of the room with her eyes.

“You okay?” She asked.

Lena plastered on what she assumed resembled a smile and gave a small nod. “Yeah, I just hate hospitals,” she mumbled. “And my shoulder’s killing me.”

She looked up at the ceiling and started at the florescent lights until her vision became blurred and her head began to throb. She wanted to listen to Kara, who was telling her she hadn’t done anything wrong and that it wasn’t her fault for being injured. She wanted to stop working so hard so that she could start to enjoy gymnastics again and not feel a stabbing pain shooting down her arm every time she moved. She wanted to do gymnastics because she loved it again, not because she was so fixated on winning, that nothing else seemed to matter.

She wanted all of these things, but no matter how hard she tried to convince herself it was okay to change her aspirations, she couldn’t help but hear Lillian’s voice in her head telling her otherwise. Her being back in the hospital was a reminder of that.

Lena knew Kara was nothing but supportive of her, but she was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. She wasn’t sure when it was going to happen, but it would. Lillian’s words pounded against her ears, telling her this injury was just another example of her falling short. It was her being lazy and not working hard enough. If she’d put more time in the gym if she’d spent more time on vault maybe she would’ve been strong enough to make it through the fall unharmed. This injury was a sign of weakness. And Luthor’s weren’t weak.

“Lena, are you sure you’re okay? You look kind of pale,” Kara commented. Her voice was soft and soothing, but her calm tone made Lena’s heart rate increase. She was so nonchalant about the whole thing, how did she not feel the room spinning? How could she not see the walls that were closing in on them?

Lena let out a shaky breath and nodded once more. “I’m fine. I just want to get out of here.”

As soon as she finished her sentence, a new doctor, one of the residents Lena assumed, came to take Lena to get an MRI and an X-Ray. After about twenty minutes of very anxious waiting, Dr. Jones came back with her scans to explain what was wrong.

“Lena, you tore the rotator cuff in your shoulder,” he said flatly.

Kara drew in a breath. Lena wouldn’t get to compete this weekend. She wouldn’t get to practice at all for God knows how long. She turned to look at Lena, who was staring in front of her with wide eyes. Her hands were shaking and her green eyes had glassed over.

“Normally we would recommend physical therapy and prescribe painkillers, but due to the severity of yours and your past injuries, I’m going to have to suggest surgery,” Dr. Jones explained.

“Surgery?” Lena repeated, her voice barely audible.

Dr. Jones nodded in confirmation. “Yes, an arthroscopic tendon repair. We’ll insert a--”

“A tiny camera and tools through a small incision so you can reattach the torn tendon to the bone,” Lena cut him off. Her voice was low and hardly above a whisper, but she was confident in the words she was saying.

Dr. Jones smiled. “You know your stuff.”

“I used to want to be a doctor when I was younger,” Lena said with a humorless chuckle.

“What would happen if she didn’t get the surgery?” Kara asked.

“You’re a gymnast?” Dr. Jones asked.

Both Lena and Kara nodded in response.

“If you don’t get the surgery, it would heal on its own. It would just be a long and painful recovery, which is why we highly recommend the operation. If we don’t operate, you wouldn’t be able to go back to gymnastics,” Dr. Jones explained.

Kara’s face fell at the confirmation of their biggest fears. She turned to Lena, who drew in a sharp breath. She pursed her lips into a thin white line and processed the information.

“If I do the surgery, when is it?” Lena asked quietly.

“We would do the operation tomorrow, and we would like to keep you here overnight under observation if you do choose to get the surgery,” Dr. Jones replied.

Lena looked to Kara with wide eyes. She almost asked what she was supposed to do, but she knew Kara couldn’t answer that question. Only she could.

“How long is the recovery time if I do get the surgery?”

“You can leave the hospital after a day or two, but you’ll be in a sling for six weeks.”

“Can I-- can I have some time to-- to decide?” Lena asked.

Dr. Jones nodded with a smile before excusing himself and leaving Lena and Kara alone. Lena turned to Kara, she stayed silent but Kara knew exactly what she was thinking. There was no good answer. She just had to pick the one that would hurt the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know that was a -wild ride- I'm sorry too but on the bright side I kind of have a plot figured out? I know I'm like over twenty chapters in so I should've had a plot figured out a long time ago, but better late than never. I was hesitant to post this because literally nobody wanted this to happen but I'm full of caffeine and adrenaline right now so nothing can stop me.  
> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena has to decide if she wants to get surgery so she can continue gymnastics, or not get the surgery and quit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? Look at me being all productive. I actually don't have this chapter for once so I hope you guys don't hate it either. Okay, I hate it a little bit, but not too much.

 

As soon as Dr. Jones left, Kara climbed up onto Lena’s bed and snuggled up to the side of her that wasn’t injured. Lena rested her head on Kara’s shoulder and closed her eyes. She blindly reached for Kara’s hand and squeezed it tightly. Kara began to talk and attempt to offer her support, but Lena couldn’t hear a word she said.

She couldn’t hear anything that wasn’t muffled by the voices in her head telling her that this was all her fault. That she could’ve prevented this if she’d just listened to Kara. If she’d taken her advice and stopped working herself to her literal breaking point.

Her vision became clouded until the room became blurred and the only thing she could see clearly was the white specs that littered the scene in front of her. She knew they were just figments of her imagination, but they gave her some sort of comfort. Lena gasped for air, but her lungs rejected the atmosphere around her.

She could vaguely hear Kara beginning to panic. She was asking if she was alright, or if she should get a doctor. Her voice was still too quiet, but she knew Kara wasn’t whispering or speaking softly. She closed her eyes, but that only made whatever it was she was feeling get ten times worse. So she opened her eyes and did the thing that always helped calm her down.

She squeezed her uninjured hand into a fist until her nails dug deep into her skin. She let out a shaky breath as the feeling of mild normalcy began to return to her body.

It was working. If she just focused on that, the voices in her head that were screaming at her would begin to quiet down. The pain in her shoulder was still there, but the pain in her hands was slowly beginning to numb the pain everywhere else.

Lena closed her eyes once more and drew in a sharp yet unsteady breath. When she opened her eyes, she could feel Kara’s hands on top of hers, trying to pry her fingers away from the inside of her palm. She could hear her voice, which was becoming less clouded and more real with every passing second. She was telling her to stop hurting herself.

Lena tried to pull away from her, but it sent a shooting pain down her right arm that started at her shoulder and ended at the tip of her pinky. She let out a sob at the sharp feeling that was coursing through her veins and let her head fall against Kara’s chest.

“No,” she cried. “I can’t.”

“Yes, Lena, you need to stop,” Kara said softly. She continued to gently tug on Lena’s hand until eventually, her fingers were far enough away from her skin that she couldn’t try to hurt herself anymore.

Lena shook her head and closed her eyes. She tried to hold back her cries, but she couldn’t help the tears that made their way down her cheeks.

“You can’t keep hurting yourself,” Kara reiterated. Her eyebrows were furrowed and a small crinkle appeared on her forehead, just like it always did when she was concerned.

“I know,” Lena mumbled as she let another stifled sob escape. “But it helps. It-- it makes me… I don’t know it just,” she sighed and averted Kara’s gaze, too ashamed to look her in the eye.

“It calms me down I guess,” she said quietly.

Kara exhaled and nodded. “I know, but you can’t keep hurting yourself like that. You just need to find a healthy alternative.”

Lena sighed and wiped away her tears. She took a minute to get her breathing under control before allowing herself to look in Kara’s general direction.

“I don’t mean to overstep but have-- have you ever considered getting real help? Like… I don’t know, seeing a therapist or taking medication for your anxiety,” Kara asked. She drew in a breath and prepared herself for Lena’s response. Lena wasn’t the type of person to accept help from anyone, so it was more likely than not that she would reject the idea without giving it a second thought.

“I-- I’m fine I-- I just get kind of anxious sometimes,” Lena said quickly. “I-- I don’t need anything like that. I-- I just want to get out of here so can we just-- I don’t want to talk about that now.”

Kara sighed. She would talk to her about it later. “Okay,” she said softly. “I don’t want to pressure you, but we should probably talk about your shoulder. I-- I know it’s your decision, but if you need any help deciding, I’m here for you,” she said and kissed Lena’s forehead.

Lena nodded and let out a breath. “I don’t know what I want to do,” she admitted. “I mean I-- I know that I don’t want to quit gymnastics. I don’t want to-- I can’t just give up, I’ve never given up before.”

“If you quit because you don’t want to get surgery it isn’t giving up. You’re injured, and if you need to stop and heal, that isn’t quitting, it’s putting yourself first.”

“I know, but I have a chance to get better, what would you do?” Lena asked.

Kara took a minute before answering. “If I’m being honest, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to quit gymnastics but surgery is… I don’t know, I mean I’d probably be too scared to get surgery. But at the same time, if you don’t do the surgery, recovery is supposed to be _really_ painful.”

“I… I don’t know if I can even afford surgery,” Lena blurted out. “I-- I mean I can, but my mother she-- she has access to all my accounts. I-- I’d have to ask for permission.”

Kara’s jaw clenched at the mention of Lena’s mother having this much control over her. If Lena needed medical attention, she shouldn’t have to ask anyone for permission. It was her body, her choice.

“So you want the surgery?” Kara confirmed.

“I-- I don’t know. I don’t want to quit gymnastics… I don’t want to disappoint anyone,” Lena said and began to pull on a loose thread on her blanket.

“You won’t be disappointing anyone,” Kara contradicted.

Lena looked to Kara and for the first time since they arrived at the hospital, made eye contact with her. “Miss. Val, all my teammates, my mother,” she said and let out a humorless chuckle. “You.”

“Lena, you won’t be disappointing me if you quit.”

Lena didn’t look convinced. She quirked an eyebrow and pursed her lips. “We met through gymnastics. The first time we ever talked was because I fell for you… literally,” she said with a laugh.

Kara smiled at the memory. “Not gonna lie, seeing you almost fall on your face was the highlight of my week,” she said and laughed, which earned her a playful punch in the arm from Lena.

“And if you do end up quitting, Miss. Val and your teammates will understand. Your health comes first, not gymnastics,” Kara said seriously.

Lena looked down at her lap and went back to twirling the thread from her blanket around her finger. Her eyebrows furrowed, which meant she was thinking, so Kara stayed silent. She drew in a breath before turning back to Kara.

“You believe health comes first?” She said quietly as if still processing the information.

Kara nodded silently.

“While we’re here… do you think we could ask one of the doctors a- about getting on meds f- for my-- my anxiety?” She asked nervously.

Kara nodded with a small smile. “Of course.”

“I-- I also think I know what I want to do about my shoulder,” Lena said with an apprehensive smile.

Kara raised an eyebrow in anticipation. “Well,” she prompted.

Lena drew in a breath and bit her lip before telling Kara her decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is kind of short and I left it on a cliff hanger. I know, I hate me too. I would totally write another chapter and post it today, but I have a regent tomorrow and I really should study instead of write so I'm going to be responsible for once in my life and put my grades before my writing. Also, my AO3 account is being really weird and one of my old notes keeps showing up and saying I'm sick? So to everyone who's commented and told me to feel better soon, thank you so much, I'm just not sick, that note was from months ago. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena decides if she's getting the surgery or not. Sam tells Kara about what Lena was like in high school. Ruby and Sam visit Lena in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some plotless fluff with Ruby and Sam because the last few chapters were kind of sad and I'm sorry for that. The next chapter will have an actual plot, and for once I actually know what I want to write about which is exciting. After twenty-three chapters, I finally (kind of) know what direction I want to take this story in.  
> Also, this is now over 52,000 words, making it the longest thing I've ever written, which is kind of cool.

****“I want the surgery. I can’t quit gymnastics, I’m getting the surgery,” Lena said with a sudden boost of confidence.

“You’re sure?” Kara asked.

Lena bit her lip and nodded.

When Dr. Jones came back to check up on Lena, she told him her decision. After another round of MRI’s, Lena was put in a sling for precautionary measures so she wouldn’t move and mess anything up before her operation, which was scheduled for the next day.

Kara then went back to Lena’s apartment so she could get her a pair of pajamas and fresh clothes for when she went home, as the only change of clothes she had with her was her leotard and sweatpants. She also made sure to bring Lena’s laptop and textbooks, because it was almost finals week and Lena would freak out if she missed even a day of studying.

It wasn’t until Sam found Kara rummaging through Lena’s sock drawer, that Kara became fully aware of the fact that she was not so subtly snooping through Lena’s things.

“Hey, what the hell are you doing?” Sam exclaimed.

Kara turned around frantically and dropped Lena’s engineering textbook out of shock.

“Kara?” Sam asked as she realized there wasn’t an intruder in her apartment, just Lena’s very surprised girlfriend. “What are you doing here?”

Kara anxiously picked up the textbook and gave a nervous smile. She hadn’t prepared herself for the fact that she would have to tell Lena’s best friend that Lena was in the hospital and would be getting surgery.

“We- well L- Lena she-- see what-- what happened was s- she--” Kara stuttered.

Sam raised an eyebrow and tilted her head. “Kara, breath,” she said and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Lena’s in the hospital,” she blurted out.

“What? Is she okay?” Sam asked. “Oh my God did-- did she do-- did she do something to herself,” she asked and brought her hands up to her forehead. Sam was no stranger to Lena’s unhealthy coping mechanisms, but she knew she wouldn’t do anything so drastic that she would end up in the hospital. Or at least she didn’t think she would.

“No, she didn’t hurt herself,” Kara reassured her, and Sam let out a sigh of relief she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding in.

“She tore her rotator cuff at gymnastics, she’s going to need surgery.”

Sam drew in a breath and nodded slowly, comprehending everything Kara had told her.

“I-- I was just getting her some pajamas and a change of clothes. Oh-- and her textbooks and laptop, because if she didn’t get to study for finals she’d freak out,” Kara said with a soft chuckle.

“Yup, that’s Lena,” Sam mumbled with a small smile.

“Do you want me to give you a ride to the hospital?” Kara offered.

“Yeah,” Sam said with a nod. “Is it okay if I bring my daughter?”

 

During the car ride to the hospital, Kara learned that Sam and done gymnastics together when they were in boarding school together. That was until Sam got pregnant and was kicked off the team and sent home. She also learned that Lena had gone through a punk phase that had lasted almost a year. Sam had even caught her in the bathroom ready to shave half of her head but was able to stop her and remind her that if she did, she would’ve gotten in trouble with the principal and their coaches. Not to mention her mother.

Kara chuckled and shook her head. “I can’t imagine _punk_ Lena.”

Sam nodded. “She used to wear really heavy black eyeliner which all of the teachers hated. I think she might’ve even gotten in trouble with one them,” she added with a laugh.

“I’m sorry, I can’t see Lena doing that,” Kara remarked with a grin. “She seems like she would care too much about getting called out.”

Sam shrugged with a smile. “She was a lot less uptight then. She didn’t even pay attention in class, like ever. I don’t know how she managed to skip a grade or get straight A’s. I swear, she must be some sort of genius or something, because her notes were sh--” she stopped herself from cursing when she heard Ruby giggle from the back seat. “Her notes were awful. They were covered in doodles, I don’t think she ever wrote more than a sentence on each page.”

“That’s insane, Lena practically yelled at me when she told me to get her textbooks so she could study. If I’d said no, she probably would’ve had an aneurysm,” Kara said and tried to imagine Lena slacking off at-- well, anything.

Sam nodded. “She was like that until sophomore year. So a little over a year, I guess. I remember she went home to stay with her family over Christmas break, and when she came back she was a completely different person.”

“What do you mean?”

Sam sighed and her smile fell. “When she got back she was really quiet. She stopped listening to the music she liked and dressing the way she wanted. She started taking good notes and she almost seemed _too_ focused in class. All of a sudden she was super respectful to all of the teachers too, it was like she was scared of them or something.”

Kara nodded silently. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Lena’s transformation probably wasn’t because she’d suddenly wanted to become a star student. She didn’t have to ask to know Lillian was more than likely involved with this, but she didn’t think it was her place to press the matter further.

The two stayed silent as they pulled up in the hospital parking lot. Ruby squealed and clapped her hands as the car came to a stop, which broke the tension between Kara and Sam.

When they entered Lena’s room, Lena’s face immediately lit up when she saw Sam and Ruby with Kara. Sam, on the other hand, had a look of concern cross her face when she saw Lena’s arm in a sling.

“Lena, oh my gosh,” she breathed. She walked over to Lena, her eyes wide at the sight in front of her.

“I’m fine,” Lena said with a smile. Sam raised an eyebrow but kept quiet because she knew she would never get her friend to admit she was in any sort of pain.

“Can I see Ruby?” Lena asked excitedly.

Sam nodded and turned Ruby to Lena. “Be careful with Aunt Lena, she’s got a big boo-boo,” she said and kissed her daughter on the top of her head before placing her in Lena’s lap.

Kara watched Lena hold the little girl close to her and tickle her stomach. Ruby giggled and tried to tickle Lena back. But she ended up falling forward and hitting her head on Lena’s injured shoulder, which made Lena gasp in pain.

With her good arm, Lena moved Ruby onto the other side of her lap. “You gotta be careful, okay love?” She said softly, the kind smile never leaving her face for a second.

“Aunt Lena boo-boo?” Ruby asked.

Lena nodded. “Yeah, Aunt Lena tore her rotator cuff,” she said with a chuckle. Ruby stared at Lena blankly, which made Lena laugh even harder.

“You don’t know what that means do you?” She asked, and Ruby shook her head.

“Yeah, that’s okay. Can I tell you a secret?” Lena asked and pulled Ruby closer to her. “I don’t think Kara knows what it means either.”

Kara’s jaw dropped in mock offense. She handed Sam Lena’s bag and walked over to Lena’s bed. “I know what it means,” she said dramatically.

Lena smirked at her then turned back to Ruby. “You know why I don’t think she knows what it means?”

Ruby shook her head again and began to play with the hem of Lena’s hospital gown.

“Because she’s worrying a lot, even though I’m going to be just fine soon,” she explained and kissed Ruby on the forehead. “I know your mommy does that a lot, she likes to worry too.”

Ruby giggled and nodded. “Mama?” She asked and looked up at the mention of Sam.

Sam chuckled and picked Ruby up. “I’m right here,” she said and gave her a tight hug.

“Hey, so Ruby never had dinner, do you mind if I leave her with you guys while I get her something to eat?” Sam asked.

Lena nodded and reached up her good arm so she could hold the toddler again. “Of course,” she said happily as Sam placed her daughter back on the bed.

“You’re sure you’re okay with watching her Lena? She won’t hurt your shoulder or anything?” Sam asked.

Lena nodded and grinned. “I’ll be fine. And if I’m not, Kara’s here too.”

Sam smiled and excused herself before quickly walking away to get Ruby dinner.

Kara sat down on the bed with Ruby and Lena. “I think Ruby is the cutest baby I’ve ever seen,” she said with a smile.

Lena chuckled and poked Ruby’s stomach. “You hear that? You’re the cutest baby Kara’s ever seen.”

Ruby giggled and clapped her hands.

“Can you go give Kara a hug and say thank you?” Lena prompted.

Ruby nodded and turned to Kara. She wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck and hugged her close. She then gave Kara a sloppy kiss on the cheek, which made both Kara and Lena laugh.

“Thank you,” she said with a grin.

Kara beamed at the little girl and hugged her back in response. “Aw, you’re welcome Ruby.”

Ruby then turned to Lena and lied down on top of her. Lena and Kara exchanged confused glances before Lena asked: “are you gonna take a nap?”

Ruby nodded against her chest. “I take a nap right here,” she said and rested her head against Lena’s injured shoulder.

Lena drew in a breath as she felt the pain in her shoulder intensify at the added weight. She looked at Kara for help, and when all Kara did was take a picture she raised an eyebrow and scowled.

“I'm sorry, you guys are just adorable,” she said quietly, as to not wake Ruby, who had fallen asleep surprisingly fast.

“Can you move her? My shoulder’s killing me?” Lena whispered.

Kara nodded and scooped Ruby up in her arms. She took a seat in the rocking chair next to Lena’s bed and rocked back and forth so she wouldn’t wake the sleeping child.

When Sam came back with dinner for the three of them, Kara, Ruby, and Lena were all fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you guys liked this! I wasn't intending on writing this the way I did, but my friend loved the idea of a baby Ruby, so I kind of wrote it for her. But I ended up liking this then I like most of the other chapters because it was a lot more fun to write. So I hope you all like this as much as I do.  
> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated :)


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena calls Lillian and asks for money so she can pay for her surgery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning- insinuation of child abuse

 

Lena held the phone in one hand, not daring to dial the number. She knew she eventually would have to. She would have to face her fears sooner or later, she just wished she could put it off a little bit longer. But her surgery was in six hours. She had to pay somehow, and this was her only way. So it was make the call, or no operation and quit gymnastics. 

She looked over at Kara, who was sitting silently in the rocking chair next to her bed. She’d offered to make the call for Lena multiple times. But each time, Lena declined. 

She felt her hand begin to shake so she tightened her grasp on the phone. When that didn’t help, she stared at it as hard as she could, secretly wishing that if she stared hard enough, it would explode. 

“Lena, are you sure you don’t want me to do it for you?” Kara asked once more. 

Lena nodded. “I need to do this,” she said and wished she felt as confident as she sounded.

She took a deep breath and looked down at the screen. She drew in one last breath and mentally prepared herself. But instead of dialing the number, Lena slammed her phone against her mattress angrily. She groaned and threw her head back against her pillow. 

“God, I-- I’m twenty years old, you think I’d be able to call my mother without having a fucking panic attack,” she said bitterly. 

Kara sighed. “Lena, you just--”

“No,” she cut Kara off. Her voice was louder than normal, which took both Kara and Lena by surprise. “I-- I can do it I-- I just need a minute,” she said and lowered her voice. 

Kara nodded and gave Lena a small smile. Lena didn’t notice though. She sighed and stared straight ahead of her. 

“Is it just me or is it like  _ really _ cold in here?” She asked and pulled her blanket up to her chest. 

“It’s just you,” Kara said. 

Lena let out a shaky breath before picking up the phone once more. “I-- I can’t… can you just-- just type the numbers in for me?” She asked. She looked over at her left arm, which was still in a black sling and frowned. After surgery, she would have to get used to only having one working arm for six weeks. 

Kara nodded and took the phone from Lena before quickly typing in Lillian’s phone number, and handing the phone back to her. 

She held the phone to her ear and closed her eyes.  _ Calling your mother shouldn’t be this hard. Get it together Lena, _ she internally scolded herself.  _ Stop embarrassing yourself in front of Kara. You’re an adult, so stop acting like such a baby.  _

The phone rang three times before someone answered. 

“Lena?” The voice was cold and sent shivers down Lena’s spine. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing. But in the darkness that surrounded her, emerged an image of Lillian. She was standing in front of her, smiling at her with that sickening grin she’d used on Lena as a child. The one that told her she was safe and she could relax, only to rip away any shred of security she’d ever felt. It was the smile that could turn into a scream in less than a second. It was a cruel reminder of every time she’d messed up, and every time Lillian had to bend over backward for a child that wasn’t even hers. Something she never let Lena forget. 

“Mother, I-- I needed to--” she took a deep breath and collected her thoughts. “I needed to ask for something.”

Lena could practically hear Lillian frown in disappointment. 

“Don’t tell me your stutter came back,” she groaned. “I spent all that time trying to fix it just for you to go back to your old childish ways. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.” 

_ You didn’t try to fix it. You hit me every time I messed up, _ Lena wanted to say.  _ You never tried, you beat me until I was so scared that I almost stopped talking entirely.  _

Kara placed a hand on top of Lena’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. The touch made Lena feel strange and tingly inside as if she were doing something wrong and should be ashamed. She instinctively pulled her hand away and held it in her lap. 

“But what is it? What do you need?” Lillian asked she already sounded exasperated. Lena had thought she would’ve at least been able to ask her question before Lillian began to treat her as a burden, but clearly, she’d been mistaken. 

“I need to take money out of my account.” 

“For what?” Lillian asked sharply. 

Lena drew in a shaky breath and blinked back her tears. She wouldn’t let Lillian make her cry. She wouldn’t give that power. 

“For a-- for a surgery,” she said. Her voice was small and timid in comparison to Lillian, who had all the unearned confidence in the world. “I tore my rotator cuff and I-- I need surgery.” 

Lena heard Lillian scoff, and her chest tightened. She should’ve prepared herself for this. Lillian always got angry when she was injured. Especially because it happened more often than the rest of the family. Lena being a gymnast put her at higher risk for broken bones and sprained ankles. Though the sport made her strong, the injuries made her look weak. And as Lillian had spent years trying to enforce; _ Luthor’s aren’t weak _ . 

Lillian sighed and Lena imagined her mother shaking her head in disappointment. “You’re lucky I’m saying yes so easily, especially with how you performed at your last competition,” she said.

Lena closed her eyes once more and willed herself not to cry.

Kara felt her heart clench at Lena getting so upset, but she didn’t want to offer any more supportive touches. She did  _ want _ to give Lena a supportive kiss, or reassuring handhold, or even a pat on the knee. But she knew that would only upset Lena further. So she held back and watched. She couldn’t be sure what Lillian was saying, but judging by Lena’s reaction, she assumed it was nothing good. 

“You saw?” Lena managed to force out. 

“Yes, I saw you  _ humiliate _ yourself and make a mockery of the Luthor name.  _ Again _ ,” she spat out. “You know, sometimes I wonder why your coaches still let you compete. If I were in charge, I sure as hell wouldn’t.” 

“Luthor’s don’t quit,” Lena said through gritted teeth. “I-- I’m getting this surgery so I won’t have to quit. Because if-- if I quit, it’ll b- bring sh- shame to our-- to our family. So you-- you don’t have to give me the money, because I-- I’m  _ fine _ with quitting. But if-- if you want me to have a-- a chance to redeem myself a- at my next meet you-- you’ll let me pay for this,” she continued. By the time she finished, she had tears streaming down her face. She didn’t even bother to wipe them away. It was pointless, she knew new ones would fall and take their place even if she did. But she still internally cursed herself for letting Kara see her cry again.

“But I know, no matter what I do, you’ll be disappointed either way,” she said sadly.

Lillian sighed. “I said I’d give you the money, now shut up before I change my mind.”

Lena wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. She’d gotten the money as she’d wanted. But her entire body was stiff. 

She’d avoided talking to Lillian for almost a year. She’d told herself the next time she talked to her mother, she’d be able to handle herself. She’d be able to make it through the conversation without feeling as worthless as Lillian told her she was. But now here she was again, crying at the hands of her mother, just like she’d done when she was a little girl. 

“And fix that stutter,” Lillian said sharply before hanging up. 

Lena’s hand went limp and her phone fell the floor. 

“Lena do you--”

“I’m gonna be sick,” Lena mumbled. 

Kara sighed. “I think you just--”

Lena turned to Kara and her face paled. 

“Oh, you-- you weren’t kidding,” Kara stammered. She quickly handed Lena the basin that sat at the foot of her bed. As soon as she handed it over, Lena emptied the contents of her stomach into the container. 

Kara cringed as Lena continued to heave and slowly backed away from her. She averted her gaze and tried to erase the image of her sick girlfriend, which was now permanently engraved in her brain. 

“Do you want me to get a nurse?” She offered, hoping Lena would say yes so she would have an excuse to leave the room. 

Lena shook her head and coughed once more. She squeezed her eyes shut and slowly leaned back against her bed. 

“No, I-- I think I’m fine,” she muttered. She slowly opened her eyes, the bright lights burned her eyes and before she knew it, her head was throbbing. Her shoulder was filled with a painful sensation, and now her stomach was churning and even though she had nothing left to throw up, she felt like everything was about to come up all over again. But Lena would never tell Kara this. She’d already embarrassed herself in front of her girlfriend for one day. 

Kara turned around and raised an eyebrow at Lena. “Lee, you’re having  _ surgery  _ today. Your doctor should know if you're sick.”

Lena sighed. “Kara, I’m fine,” she said. Her voice was stern and cold. Her eyes hardened, and suddenly Kara didn’t recognize the girl in front of her. 

“I-- I’m going to get one of the nurses, just in case.”

Lena physically deflated and exhaled. “Okay, do what you want,” she mumbled. Kara couldn’t tell if it was anger or sadness that seeped through her voice, but no matter which it was, it stung just the same. 

She bit her lip and nodded. She opened the door and poked her head out in her search for one of Lena’s nurses. 

“Kara?” 

Kara spun on her heel, possibly a little too eagerly at the sound of her name being called. 

“Yeah?”

“Can you just… I know you don’t want to be here,” Lena said. Her eyes were filled with tears that threatened to spill. She wanted to protest and tell Lena that she would stay with her no matter what, but she knew Lena didn’t want to hear that. 

“You-- you can go home if you want. I-- I’m disgusting right now and you-- you shouldn’t have to sit here and watch me vomit,” she said and let out a humorless chuckle. 

“Lena, I’ll stay with you if you want me here,” Kara said sincerely. 

“Please,” Lena’s voice broke and Kara could see she was physically fighting herself. “Just go home,” it sounded like a whimper if it could even be considered that. 

“Lena, I want to stay with you,” Kara insisted. She kept her voice low but meant every word she said. 

She didn’t understand why Lena couldn’t see that. All she ever did was tell Lena she loved her. She constantly fought for her and stood by her side, no matter what. She did everything in her power to show Lena just how much she meant to her, and sometimes it even seemed like Lena believed her when she told her she was worthy of good things. So she didn’t understand why despite all this, Lena continued to push her away. 

It was starting to feel like she was stuck in a revolving door. It didn’t matter what she did. She was still going to be trapped in a constant loop of her trying her hardest to help Lena and Lena not listening to a word she was saying. 

“Kara, please, just go home.” 

Kara sighed and turned around once more. There was no point in arguing. She was so tired of constantly fighting when she wasn’t even sure what it was she was fighting for. If Lena didn’t want her here, she had no reason to stay. 

She would tell Lena’s doctor Lena had thrown up, then go home. Just like Lena wanted her to. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't really know what that chapter was. I'm sorry about all the angst, I didn't intend for it to end the way it did. I know nobody wanted this, but I'm going to stop myself from apologizing from that because I kind of liked this chapter and I shouldn't be sorry for that. Also one of my teachers is threatening to take a point off my grade every time I unnecessarily apologize, so I'm working on breaking the habit.   
> Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated. I also love knowing what you guys think, even if it isn't positive :)


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara goes to Alex for advice about her relationship with Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a disaster, and I'm sorry about that.

“Is your friend here?”

“What?”

“Your friend, is she here?” Dr. Jones asked. Him and one of the other doctors were pushing Lena’s bed up to the operating room, where she would have her arthroscopic shoulder repair.

“You know, the blonde one who always hangs around with you even after visiting hours are over,” he prompted with a smile.

“Oh, she went home,” Lena said quietly.

Dr. Jones hummed and nodded. “What about your parents? Are they here?”

Lena shook her head.

“Any siblings?”

“Nope, it’s just me,” Lena replied and forced a small smile. She thought about Lex sitting in the waiting room, tapping his foot nervously as he waited for an update on his sister. It almost seemed comical. After he’d gone to jail for murder, Lena stopped being able to imagine him caring about anyone but himself.

“Do you have anyone you’d like us to call?” Dr. Jones offered.

Lena opened her mouth and almost said Kara’s name out of habit, but she closed it quickly and shook her head once more. She didn’t need Kara here. She would be fine on her own. She’d made it this far without anyone by her side, she could make it a few more hours.

As Lena was taken to the operating room, Kara paced around her room nervously while Alex gave her advice over the phone.

“I left her at the hospital, the _hospital_ Alex!” She exclaimed. “Oh my God I-- I’m terrible she-- she’s about to have surgery and I-- I _abandoned_ her!”

“Kara, breathe,” Alex said calmly. “You wouldn’t have left her there if you didn’t have a good reason. Just, tell me what happened. Tell me why you left.”

Kara sighed and sat down on her bed. “Well, at first everything was fine-- besides the fact that she’s injured and needs surgery. Her roommate Sam visited her with her daughter Ruby and she seemed really happy. I don’t know it was like… for once we were normal or something. And then this morning, she got really stressed and she wouldn’t talk to me.”

“Well, what was she stressed about?”

Kara pulled at a thread on her ripped jeans and replayed the image of Lena’s shaking hands before she called her mother. She closed her eyes and thought about how Lena had slammed the phone against her bed out of anger. How she’d yelled because of how worked up she’d gotten over the phone call. But none of the anger had ever been directed at Kara or even Lillian. It had always been to herself.

“She had to call her mom, so she could take money out of her account and pay her medical bills,” Kara explained.

Alex stayed silent, which Kara took as an invitation for her to keep speaking.

“I don’t know… I probably should’ve been more sensitive,” she mumbled. She exhaled and physically deflated. She was right back where she started. She was walking on eggshells for a girl who continued to push her away. If it were anyone else she would’ve broken up with her already. Well, no. That wasn’t entirely true. She wouldn’t have had the heart to break up with someone who was in the hospital. Especially someone in such a fragile state. But she would’ve done it eventually.

The only problem was, Kara didn’t want to break up with Lena. Or at least she didn’t think she wanted to. Lena was different than the girls she’d dated in the past, she felt something around her that she’d never felt around anyone else before. She didn’t want to break up with her, she just wanted to stop feeling so trapped.

“Maybe I should’ve stayed.”

“If she was pushing you away, you had every right to leave,” Alex said defensively. “And it’s not like you broke up with her or anything. Just give her some space, I’m sure she’ll be much more welcoming the next time you see her.”

“It’s just always the same thing,” Kara groaned.

“What do you mean?”

Kara sighed. “There’s always… there’s always something wrong that I--” she paused and searched for the right word. “That I need to help _fix._ I’m her shoulder to cry on-- which normally I’m fine with. I’m there for her when she needs me-- and I’m okay with that it’s just…” Kara’s voice trailed off and she looked down at her shoes. She didn’t know how to say what she wanted to say without demonizing Lena.

She didn’t believe Lena had done anything wrong, it was just that there was always something going on with her. And Kara was always trapped in the middle of the storm.

“Kara, if this relationship is too much for you, you can always break up with her. Lena seems really sweet, but it’s your freshman year of college. You should be focusing on your grades, not stressing over some girl,” Alex said. She had good intentions but knew Kara probably wouldn’t take her statement too well.

“I’m not breaking up with her!” Kara exclaimed dramatically, completely forgetting about the fact that she’d contemplated the idea less than five minutes ago.

“Then what do you want to do?”

“I--” Kara pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know,” she said with a sigh.

“I mean, I want to be with her, I know that. I just… I do so much for her, and I-- I’m okay with that,” Kara paused and thought for a moment.

“When I say this… I don’t want to sound like I’m demonizing her or anything, because I love her-- I really do. It’s just that, I’m always there for her and I-- I’m starting to feel like I’m way more invested in our relationship than she is. And I-- I know how selfish that sounds. She’s in the hospital and she’s probably being operated on now,” Kara said and let out a humorless chuckle. Someone was about to literally cut Lena open, and here she was, complaining about her.

“And I-- I get that she has a lot going on and she can’t devote as much time and energy to us as I can, but it just… I don’t know. I feel like she doesn’t care anymore,” kara admitted and felt a pang of hurt in her chest at the confession.

    Alex stayed silent for a minute, but Kara could practically hear her thinking over the phone.

    “Why do you think she doesn’t care?” She asked.

    Kara shrugged, seemingly defeated. “I don’t know…” her voice trailed off. “I try to be there for her, but she just keeps pushing me away.”

    Alex sighed and took a second to process the information. “I don’t think she’s doing it because doesn’t care about you necessarily. I think she just might need some time to comprehend everything going on around her. Like you said, she’s having surgery today. If the doctors can’t fix her shoulder, her gymnastics career is over. I’ve heard the way she talks about gymnastics, it’s her entire life, if she had to quit it would probably kill her a little bit. She’s under a lot of stress right now. I know it seems like she’s taking it out on you, but it’s not because she doesn’t care.”

    Kara bit her lip and nodded. “You’re probably right.”

    “I’m always right,” Alex said with a laugh. “Just give her some space, and I’m sure she’ll come around.”

    “Okay, hopefully that works.”

    “It will, now wait a little bit, then go get your girl.”

    When the call ended, Kara hid her phone in her sock drawer to keep herself from calling Lena. Part of her wanted to beg for forgiveness for leaving her alone even though she knew she hated hospitals. The other part of her wanted to call her so they could discuss and resolve their argument from earlier. If it could even be called an argument. Kara wasn’t sure what it was if she was being honest, but she wanted to fix it. Whatever it was.

    The next morning, she drove to the hospital to check up on Lena. Part of her was still mad at Lena for building walls around herself, even though she’d been working towards taking them down and letting Kara in. But feeling put aside, she needed to know that Lena was alright. Because she wasn’t sure what she would do with herself if she wasn’t.

    She was taken to Lena’s room in the ICU, and was given thirty minutes before Lena would have to be checked up on by one of the residents.

    Kara peered into her room through the large glass window, and immediately felt her heart rate pick up its pace. Lena looked so small in her bed and so fragile compared to the monitors that surrounded her. An oxygen mask covered her nose and mouth, which made Kara’s heart ache for her.

    Lena was fast asleep which made Kara feel like she was doing something wrong. She knew all she was doing was visiting her girlfriend, but she couldn’t help but feel like she was invading Lena’s privacy, or spying on her somehow.

    She took a deep breath and reminded herself that she was just checking up on Lena to make sure she was okay before opening the door to Lena’s room. As she approached Lena’s bed, she noticed Lena’s hospital gown had been pulled down around her chest, revealing the white bandages that were wrapped around her shoulder.

    Kara blinked back her tears at the sight in front of her and placed her hands on Lena’s bed in an attempt to get them to stop shaking. She slowly lowered herself into the chair that sat besides her bed and let out an uneven breath. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry tears of joy or sadness at Lena’s current state. But she let the tears fall, even though she wasn’t really sure what she was crying for.

    Once she’d run out of tears, she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. She needed to compose herself before Lena woke up, which would be soon judging by the way she was beginning to stir beneath the covers. Lena mumbled some inaudible nonsense before rubbing her eyes with her uninjured arm and letting out a yawn. She groaned and dropped her arm then slowly opened her eyes. After adjusting to the light, she turned her head to face Kara, and her eyes widened when she realized she wasn’t alone.

    “Lena, I-- I’m sorry, I know you wanted to be alone, I just needed to make sure you were okay,” Kara said apologetically.

    Lena began to fidget with her oxygen mask until she was eventually able to pull it off (with the help of Kara). Once it was off, she set it down on her bed and took a deep breath of fresh air.

    “It’s okay,” she breathed, her voice was hoarse and raspy from being asleep for so long.

    “You’re okay? The surgery-- it went well?” Kara asked.

    “Yeah, in six weeks and a _lot_ of physical therapy it’ll be good as new,” she said with a small smile.

    Kara smiled and took Lena’s hand in her own. “That’s good, now maybe you’ll listen when I tell you not to push yourself so hard,” Kara said jokingly and raised an eyebrow.

    Lena let out a small chuckle but stopped herself from laughing too hard. “Don’t make me laugh,” she said and winced in pain. “It hurts when I move.”

    “Oh, sorry,” Kara said quickly.

    Lena closed her eyes and shook her head. “No… don’t do that,” she mumbled.

    “Don’t do what?”

    “Don’t do the thing I do,” Lena said with a groan as she opened her eyes. “The thing where you apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong.”

    Kara looked down at her lap and blushed. She almost apologized once more, but caught herself before the words could leave her mouth.

    “But if we’re apologizing,” Lena began. She looked at Kara, and her eyes softened. “I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did yesterday. You were just trying to help and I-- I was a real bitch. So I’m sorry about that,” she said sincerely.

    Kara smiled. “Thank you.”

    “I know it’s not an excuse but I-- I just get so stressed every time I talk to my mother. I-- I’m sorry for freaking out I just-- I don’t know she just gets to me,” Lena added.

    This time it was Kara’s turn to shake her head. “It’s not your fault you get stressed out because of her.”

    Lena bit her lip and nodded, still looking unconvinced. That was when Kara realized what she’d been feeling earlier when she had been talking to Alex earlier. She slowly pulled her hand away from Lena’s and placed it in her lap.

    She couldn’t do this. She wanted to talk to Lena about her doubts, not reassure Lena that she’d done nothing wrong.

    She quickly stood up and backed away from Lena. “I-- I need to go and-- I need some time to think, can we talk tomorrow?” She asked.

    Lena nodded, but appeared confused. “Yeah, you know where to find me,” she said in attempt to get Kara to smile.

    But Kara just quickly mumbled a goodbye before rushing out of Lena’s room. She needed to collect her thoughts. She needed to figure out why she was all of a sudden so freaked out, and somehow decide on what she was going to do. But what she didn’t want to admit, was that most of all, she needed space. If she was going to evaluate her relationship with Lena, she couldn’t do that with Lena by her side.

She wanted to stay by Lena, but she couldn’t do that until she knew what it was she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So moving on from this mess of a chapter, I'm not sure how many chapters I have left until this story comes to an end. I'm not really sure how I want to end this, but I want to give you guys the ending that you want, because my readers are the only reason this story is what it is. If y'all hadn't convinced me to extend this, this story would still be two chapters. So if you have any ideas for an ending, or even if you just want this story to end a certain way, please let me know!  
> Comments and feedback is greatly appreciated :)


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara decide to start fresh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short chapter, but it's kinda cute.   
> Also, this is the last 'real' chapter, because the next one will probably be an epilogue. Unless you guys want me to write more, because in that case I totally will.

Kara lasted two weeks.

She went fourteen days only seeing Lena at practice. And even then, she only saw her for minutes at a time. While her team went through their normal rotations, Lena watched from the sidelines while she stretched or did conditioning that didn’t involve her left arm, which was still in a sling. 

At first, Kara keeping her distance was intentional. She’d planned on going maybe five days at the most without seeing Lena. She didn’t do it to be rude or standoffish, she just needed space. She needed time to figure out what she wanted, and if it was a good idea for her to stay with Lena. She loved Lena, but she didn’t want to do anything that wasn’t beneficial for the both of them. If their relationship was causing one of them pain, she knew she had to take a step back and wonder if it was all worth it. She wanted the best for Lena and herself, but she knew that very well might mean letting Lena go. 

She told herself she would take a few days to figure out what she wanted. At first Lena continued to text her even though Kara wouldn’t respond. In the beginning, it was memes or things she found funny and thought Kara would like. When Kara didn’t reply after the first day, Lena began to ask if she was alright. When Kara still didn’t respond, Lena eventually gave up on asking if she was okay. 

Kara didn’t bother to wonder why Lena had stopped texting. She’d planned on calling her and asking if they could go to Noonans to talk, but she became so overwhelmed with school work, she kept forgetting. Eventually, not talking to Lena every day began to feel normal, and she started to wonder what she had been so stressed about in the first place. 

It wasn’t until two weeks later, that Lena approached her after practice. 

“Hey… Kara can we talk for a second?” Lena asked as she she stepped out of the locker room. 

Kara nodded as Lena pulled her aside. She took Kara to a corner in the gyms lobby and took a deep breath before speaking. 

“So we haven’t talked at all in like two weeks and I-- I just-- I need to know, did you break up with me and I just haven’t got the memo, or are you just ghosting me for fun?” She asked, it came out harsher than Lena had intended, but she didn’t apologize. She needed to know why Kara had been ignoring her. 

“I just needed some time to think,” Kara said honestly. 

Lena nodded stiffly. “Okay… you could’ve told me,” she said. It wasn’t rude, she almost seemed worried. “I-- I miss you, I miss  _ us _ .”

Kara sighed. Seeing Lena in front of her made her realize how much she’d missed her too. “I miss you too,” she said with a sigh. “We’ve just been so… I don’t know, everything between us seems so forced lately.”

“What do you mean?”

Kara shrugged. “I miss us but I miss the way we used to be. I miss going to Noonans, and tumbling in the gym together. I miss staying after practice with you and jumping on the trampoline with you and throwing pit blocks at each other. I miss cuddling and watching movies and taking you on trips to visit my family-- and looking at old photos together. I miss all the fun stuff,” she said with a sad smile. 

“I miss that too,” Lena said softly.

“Everything between us has just been so… forced I guess. And I would say I want to go back to how it used to be, but I don’t know if that’s possible,” Kara admitted. 

“What are saying?” Lena asked. It sounded like Kara was breaking up with her, but she was too scared to ask for confirmation. She understood Kara might want to move on from their relationship, and she wouldn’t be mad at her for that, but it hurt just the same. 

Kara shrugged. “I don’t know,” she admitted with a small chuckle. “I… I took some time to think about what I wanted, but honestly I kinda feel like I’m back where I started now.” 

Lena chewed on the inside of her mouth and nodded. She wasn’t sure where Kara was going with this, but she knew it couldn’t be anywhere good. 

“I want to be with you-- I do. It just feels like every time something good happens, two bad things happen and completely erase everything that was right between us.”

Lena sighed and nodded. “I know I… I haven’t been the best girlfriend lately, and I-- I’m sorry for that. But I want to make this work, and if you do too, I’m willing to try again. I started taking medications for my anxiety and I-- I want to get better. I want to be better for myself, and for you.” she drew in a breath and mentally prepared herself for what she would say next. “But if you don’t want to stay together… you can leave and I-- I’ll understand.” 

Kara smiled softly. “I don’t want to leave.”

Lena let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. “Then what do you want?”

Kara sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “Honestly, I don’t know yet. But I do know, I want to be able for whatever happened to us, to get better.” 

Lena gave a small smile and nodded. “Yeah, me too.”

“Can we just… can we start fresh?” Kara asked hopefully. 

“I’d like that.”

Kara took a deep breath and looked Lena in the eye. “Hi, I’m Kara, I don’t think we’ve met,” she said with a cheesy grin and held out her hand for Lena to shake. 

Lena smiled in return and shook her hand. When Kara felt Lena’s touch for the first time in two weeks, she began to think maybe this would work out. It didn’t matter how many times she had to start over so things could get better, because she knew she would be able to fall in love with Lena again each time. 

“I’m Lena,” Lena said softly. “So what happens to us now?” 

Kara stayed silent for a minute and looked at Lena. She wanted this, she just wanted it to be right this time. 

“I’m going to take you on a real first date, and we’re going to start over,” Kara decided. She took Lena’s hand in her own and guided her out of the building. 

“I like the way that sounds,” Lena said with a chuckle. “I guess I’m going to have to woo you all over again.” 

“I don’t think you’ll have much trouble with that,” Kara said and kissed Lena on the cheek. “But I won’t say no to any woo-ing.” 

She walked Lena to her car and opened the passenger door for her, which Lena said was very gentlemanly of her. Kara just chuckled and drummed her fingers against the steering wheel. She was going to take Lena on their first date, and this time, things would turn out alright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this, because I actually kind of like the way it played out.   
> I've been rereading this story and I realized a few things. 1) I wrote this in like two months which is kind of cool because it's not entirely terrible. 2) my notes section, especially in the beginning of this story was always "wow I hate this chapter" and now it's "I kind of like this chapter" so that's kind of cool too.   
> Personally, I think writing this has helped to improve my writing a lot, and I hope this story has gotten better over time, and not worse.   
> I'm gonna stop rambling now because nobody cares about all this, but I hope you enjoyed this story and thank you for reading!  
> Comments and feedback is greatly appreciated :)


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet and fluffy ending to a not so fluffy story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, I can't believe this is the last real chapter. I'm still going to write an epilogue, because even though I hate my writing, I love this story, and now that it's ending I wish I could write it forever. But, this is kind of exciting for me because I never finish my stories, so once I finish this, it'll be my first finished work of 2019. I hope you guys like this last chapter because I'm actually kind of happy with it.

About a week had passed since their conversation, and it was finally time for their second first date. Lena would have preferred for it to happen earlier, but Kara insisted she needed the time to plan. So that Saturday evening after practice, Lena changed out of her leotard into a casual yet complimenting dress in the girl's locker room. Her teammates wiggled their eyebrows at her and laughed as they interrogated her and asked why she was dressed up.

“Is Lena going on a  _ date _ ?” One of them asked with a teasing smile. 

Lena blushed and bowed her head. 

“Awe, she’s blushing! She’s totally going on a date,” another one exclaimed. “Who is it? What’s his name?”

Lena smiled and bit her lip. She cringed at the insinuation that she was going out with a boy, but she was too happy to worry about it. She still wasn’t ready to come out to her team. She wasn’t sure if she ever would be now. But for now, all she wanted to think about was how Kara was going to take her on their first date ever since they’d decided to start fresh.

When she left the locker room, she found Kara waiting outside for her. Once they were outside, Lena felt comfortable enough to take Kara’s hand, only after asking if Kara was okay with it first. Last time, she’d been the one to want to take it slow. Now she wouldn’t have minded a change of pace, but she was going to honor Kara’s request the same way Kara had respected hers. 

Kara drove Lena and they made casual conversation until Kara pulled up at the parking lot of a very familiar building. 

“I thought you were taking me on a date, why are we back at my apartment?” Lena asked and quirked an eyebrow. 

“Because, I’m going to woo you by making you dinner, and my dorm doesn’t have a kitchen,” Kara said and got out of the car. She rushed to Lena’s side and opened the door for her and took her hand as she stepped out of the passenger seat. 

Lena chuckled and shook her head. “You’re the best,” she said with a smile. 

Kara blushed and bowed her head. “Thank you,” she said and gave a warm smile in response. “Oh-- and I texted Sam, she and Ruby are at her mom’s house, so we won’t be intruding on them.” 

Lena raised an eyebrow. “You and Sam text?”

Kara nodded. “She helped me plan this whole thing.”

Lena scoffed and rolled her eyes playfully. “I think she’s secretly been hoping we’d get together ever since we first met,” she said with a laugh. “When I told her we were dating she wasn’t surprised at all. I think she might’ve even been waiting for it to happen.”

Kara smiled and shook her head. “Why am I not surprised?”

The walked side by side up the stairs to Lena’s apartment. Occasionally their hands would brush against each other, and Lena would feel her heart rate pick up its pace. Kara drew in a breath at the feeling of Lena’s hand against hers, a reminder of the touch she’d missed so much these past few weeks. 

Lena opened the door for Kara and followed her into the kitchen. 

“Do you need any help?” She offered. 

“No, you just sit and relax,” Kara said with a smile.  

After about half an hour and Kara making disgusted faces at every vegetable she found in Lena’s fridge (especially kale, to which Lena argued she was a gymnast and  _ needed _ to eat it), Kara had succeeded in both wooing Lena and making her a home-cooked meal. 

They sat down side by side on the couch in the living room, where they were both plagued with memories of their past interactions here. Lena thought of all the times Kara had held her, and all the times they’d stayed up past midnight together talking about everything and nothing. 

“So, I haven’t seen you in forever,” Kara said and smiled awkwardly. “What have you been up to?” 

Lena bit her lip and drew in a breath. “Well…” she began. “I passed all my finals which was a relief,” she said with a soft chuckle. “And I… I started going to therapy,” she admitted. She seemed hesitant to make the confession, almost as if she was ashamed of it. 

But Kara couldn’t help but smile the at the statement. Lena was getting the help she needed, and not because she had told her to. She was starting to believe she was as deserving of happiness as everyone else, which was all Kara had ever wanted for her. 

“I’m really happy for you,” she said sincerely. “I know that must’ve been a hard choice to make, but I’m proud of you.”

Lena smiled and looked down at her lap. “Thank you,” she said bashfully. 

“It-- it’s actually been really helpful,” Lena admitted. “I mean, at first I thought it was a load of crap. But it’s nice to-- to talk to someone who knows how to help.”

Kara nodded understandingly. She thought back to a few months ago, and how if she would have brought up to therapy to Lena then, she would’ve completely rejected the idea and insisted she was fine. She couldn’t stop the feeling of pride that she was filled with at how far Lena had come. She still had a long way to go, but she was getting the help she needed, which for now was enough. 

“That’s really good,” Kara said with a warm smile. 

Lena blushed and looked down at her lap. “Yeah-- she’s been teaching me how to-- how to cope without doing the thing,” she said and ran a finger across her palm, which was littered with crescent moon scars from digging her nails in too deeply. 

Kara exhaled, a feeling of relief flooding over her. Lena really was on the path to getting better, and that was all she could want for her. 

“So what about you? What have you been doing?” She asked. 

Kara hesitated. If she was being honest, she’d spent these past two weeks holed up in her dorm room, only leaving for classes and practice. At first, it was because she needed time to think. Then she became so engulfed in the comfort of her own home and the security of her mind, she started to forget it was necessary to go outside. 

“I… not much I’ll admit,” she said and tilted her head from sighed to side. “I don’t know… I was just kind of in my head for a little while. But I’m getting back out there.”

Lena nodded and looked at Kara with soft eyes. “You know if you ever need anything, I’m here for you,” Lena said softly. “Even if… I know you want this to work-- and I swear I do too, but even if having a relationship doesn’t work out, you can always talk to me. I’ll always be your friend above all.” 

Kara smiled and placed a hand on top of Lena’s. “Thank you, that means a lot.” 

“You were there for me when I needed you the most, it’s only fair that I’m here for you too,” Lena replied. She gave Kara a kind smile, and almost leaned in to kiss her, but reminded herself that they were going to take it slow this time. 

“You know, sometimes I think about the first time we ever talked,” Lena said with a small smile. “And how I fell on my face,” she added with a chuckle. 

Kara laughed and nodded. “And how I managed to catch you like some sort of superhero?” She added with a grin. 

Lena blushed and nodded. “Yes, that too,” she said with a laugh. 

“What I meant was, if I hadn’t fallen on my face and you hadn’t happened to catch me, do you think we would’ve ever gotten closer?” She asked. 

Kara tilted her head, a small crease appeared between her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“If that hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t have gone for coffee at Noonan’s. I probably still would’ve hated you for a little while,” she said jokingly, and Kara rolled her eyes. “But what I mean is-- if I hadn’t done that, do you think anything would’ve ever happened between us? We wouldn’t have become friends, we never would’ve started dating, hell I probably would still be in the closet,” Lena contemplated. 

Kara sighed and placed a hand on Lena’s knee. “I would rather not think about the possibility of us never becoming close,” she said softly. “Sure, some of the stuff that’s happened these past few months-- it’s really sucked. But the positives of being with you will forever outweigh the negatives.” 

Lena smiled and nodded. “I feel the same way.” 

“I’m glad.” 

She drew in a breath and looked Kara in the eye. “Do you remember what you said to me after I fell?”

Kara furrowed her brow and tried to remember before shaking her head in defeat. 

“You told me I needed to be careful because you might not be there to catch me the next time I fall,” Lena recited, her voice was soft but thick with emotion. 

“Well, I was wrong,” Kara stated, to which Lena quirked an eyebrow in confusion. 

“I will  _ always  _ be there to catch you when you fall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know, the ending was cheesy. But I wasn't sure what to say, and it just kind of felt right.   
> Comments and feedback is greatly appreciated :)


	28. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another fluffy ending, but this time with gymnastics.   
> This story started with gymnastics, so it only felt right to end it with gymnastics too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this is very bittersweet for me. I'm really excited about this chapter because I really like it, but this is really the end of this story which kind of sucks. But who knows, maybe I'll write a sequel one day once I've improved my writing.

Lena rocked back and forth on her heels. It had been over a year since her surgery, and it was her first competition back. It was UCLA’s first meet of the season, which meant all of the girls were extra nervous, but they were just as excited as they were anxious. There was something special about the first meet of the year, it brought a kind of energy Lena had never felt at another competition.

She had just finished her beam routine and was now waiting for her score to be shown onto the large black and red scoreboard that hung on the wall of the arena for everyone to see. For once, Lena was proud of the routine she had done. When she saluted the judge and walked back over to her team, her pride could be shown in her smile, which never left her face.

Lena drew in a shaky breath as she stared at the score that had been given to the girl who’d competed prior to her. It was only a matter of seconds until Lena’s was up, but she couldn’t bear the wait. 

Her teammates surrounded her, and she held Kara’s hand with her right hand, and Miss. Val’s with her left. 

“Come on come on come on,” she mumbled and had to remind herself not to jump up and down in anticipation. 

Kara gave her hand a squeeze and adjusted her glasses with her free hand so she would be able to see Lena’s score perfectly when it was posted. 

Lena’s beam routine had been one of the best Kara had ever seen, but of course, she was biased. Sure, she didn’t wobble at all and managed to complete a nearly perfect routine, but what Kara was drawn to was how genuinely happy Lena seemed. She smiled at the judges and seemed to enjoy dancing through her choreography instead of just going through the motions like she normally did. To Kara, that was the most amazing part. But then again, Kara thought everything Lena did was amazing.

She constantly bragged about her to her friends and family whenever she had the chance. They all teased her for being so head over heels in love with Lena, but Kara didn’t mind their jokes. She knew what she had with Lena was something special. She wasn’t sure what she would do with herself if she didn’t have Lena in her life, as a friend or otherwise. It was something about her that made her fall in love all over again each time they saw each other again. And all Kara could hope for was that that feeling would never go away. 

She shot Lena a nervous glance, but Lena just smiled in response. For once, she wasn’t stressing about what her score would be. Sure, she wanted to see what it was. But she didn’t care if it was lower than her scores from past competitions. It was her first meet since she’d and that in itself was something to be proud of. 

But there was something exciting about waiting for a score when she didn’t care about the result. Because for the first time in what felt like forever, gymnastics was enjoyable for her again. It was no longer about winning medals and being the best. It was about making herself the best athlete she could be and taking the time to look back and see how far she’d come. 

When Lena’s score was finally posted, cheers and applause erupted from her teammates. They tackled her in a group hug and congratulated her excitedly. Once they pulled away, they patted her on the back and squealed in excitement. Lena just laughed along and felt tears sting in her eyes. But for once, they were tears of pure joy. She turned to Miss. Val, who wrapped her in a hug. 

“I’m so proud of you,” she said and gave Lena a squeeze. 

“Thank you,” Lena said as she pulled away. 

She grinned and turned to Kara, who had the most loving expression she’d ever seen. She bit her lip and took the moment. She was really here with the woman she loved, a 9.85 on beam, and the happiest she’d ever been in she didn’t know how long. 

Kara wrapped Lena into a hug. 

“I’m so proud of you,” she said softly. “You deserve this more than anyone.” 

Lena looked up at Kara and smiled tearfully. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kara asked. 

Lena shook her head and let out a quiet laugh. “No, it’s okay, these are happy tears,” she said with a smile. 

“Good,” Kara said with a grin. 

Lena drew in a breath and felt her heart begin to race. It was a big step, but she felt ready to take it. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to Kara’s lips. When she felt Kara kiss her back, she was reminded that she was alright, and had nothing to worry about. 

She didn’t care that the cameras were rolling, or that there were hundreds of people in the audience. Or even that her teammates were probably watching. It didn’t even matter that she was without a doubt going to get first on beam, and probably in the overall category. 

All that mattered was she was finally starting to believe everything would turn out all right. She was happy, and she had Kara, and for Lena, that was enough. 

As for Kara, she’d found someone who loved her, someone who made her smile at every given opportunity. She’d formed an unbreakable bond with the UCLA team, and an even stronger one with Lena. And for now, that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just wanted to sincerely thank everyone who's read this story, left a comment, or left kudos. Your support literally means the world to me, so thank you so much for reading, and I really hope you liked it.   
> Also, my Tumblr is @GodHatesOliviaa, I know I don't get back to all of my comments on here and I'm really sorry about that, but you guys can feel free to message me about anything, writing or otherwise.   
> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Comments and feedback is greatly appreciated :)

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism and other comments are greatly appreciated!  
> I was really excited about writing this and I know it isn't the best but I hope you guys don't hate it. I stayed home from school sick today so if this is bad it's because I don't do my best work when I'm sick, but I really wanted to post this today so I wrote it anyways.


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